Can We Stop "Shoulding" All Over Ourselves?

This time of the year can be intense and let’s be real… stressful!

Holidays coming up with lists of things to do… a few weeks left at work so the pressure of getting things done… and overall, a sense of urgency to make sure we have accomplished “enough” as the year comes to an end.?

Where does the pressure come from anyway? From society? From culture? From ourselves?

When did we learn to measure our value based on the number of items that we can check off our to-do lists??

As I am writing this, I can feel the pressure and stress rising as the lists in my mind get longer and longer…??

While this should be the most festive time of the year, at least for me, it can also be the most stressful…?

This weekend I was curious to look into this more deeply within me… firstly to understand why and secondly to explore how I could shift this…?

So, I had the idea to start free journaling with this simple question in my mind “where is all this stress coming from?”

I closed my eyes took a few deep breaths and started to free write and SO MUCH was coming out…?

After writing for a few minutes, I noticed a clear pattern… a lot of what I was writing had to do with “shoulds”!?

Inspired by that realization, I changed the journaling exercise and started writing “what are all the “shoulds” I am telling myself right now?”

Here are some examples of what I wrote:?

I should learn how to cook something special for Thanksgiving

I should already have a list of presents for Christmas?

I should be working out more

I should be eating more healthy

I should be working harder

I should be further along in my career?

I should have launched that coaching course I wanted to launch?

I should spend more time doing the things I love?

I should be travelling more after COVID?

I should be saving more with all the unknowns?

I should go to the beach this weekend; it always makes me happy?

But I am so tired… I just really want to nap and rest this afternoon but the list is so long I should cross a few things off!?

Oh my goodness!

I was exhausted just from writing all this… feeling all this pressure…?

If you are feeling some stress right now, I would deeply invite you to journal on all the “shoulds” you are telling yourself right now… it may be very eye opening for you as well?

Then a big thought came into my mind…?

“Why am I shoulding all over myself?”?

Then I busted into laughter… like a kid that had said “$h!t” lol… I am “shoulding” all over myself lol?

I found that super hilarious somehow lol?

I then realized that all these “shoulds” weren’t really coming from “me”, meaning from my deepest truth and knowing…?

The “shoulds” were coming from voices based on fear, doubt, guilt… they were coming from external pressures or things I had learned I should be doing (more, less, better or whatever).?

When I realized that, I took a deep breath, put my hands over my heart and asked “how can I see things differently? How can I experience the Holiday season differently”?

Here is what came through after…?

This season is not about doing… this season is about being… being love, being gratitude and being joy

Wow… what a powerful shift and release that was for me… I could feel the pressure of the “shoulds” melt away…??

All the “shoulds” on my list were tied to doing and accomplishing and they weren’t really coming from me!

They were not about being… and all my true self really desires right now is to BE love, gratitude and joy with the people I love during this Holiday Season!

After this journaling exercise, I was able to relax, breathe and release all the “shoulds” that were driving me crazy… and instead refocus on what I truly desire.?