Billionaires Are Just Like Us—Except They Don’t Pay Taxes!

Folks, I think we’ve been too hard on billionaires. These poor fellas work real hard—buying rockets, naming yachts, and finding the best loopholes so they never have to pay a dime in taxes. It’s the American Dream!

I mean, look at Jeff Bezos. You think he just gets a $500 million mega yacht? No sir! He borrows money against his Amazon stock, so he never has to declare income. Then he creates a company for the yacht, writes off the fuel and staff as "business expenses," and—poof!—the IRS tips their hat and walks away.

Meanwhile, school teachers are spending their own grocery money on classroom supplies and paying taxes like good little citizens. Ain’t that something?

The Rich Are Gifting Us Jobs! (Apparently?)

Now, some folks say we oughta be grateful to the rich because they “give us jobs.” Now, I don’t know about y’all, but last time I checked, my boss wasn’t giving me anything. I work, they pay me. That’s a transaction, not a charity. If rich folks really loved “giving,” they’d try it with taxes sometime.

But Wait—They Do Pay Taxes! (Their Corporations, Kinda, Sometimes, Maybe?)

Oh, you say corporations pay taxes? Sure, buddy. Just like how Tesla paid $0 in federal income tax while raking in $2.3 billion in profit. But hey, don’t worry! The rest of us can pick up the slack while they spend their tax savings on another private island.

And let's not forget, wage theft by corporations robs workers of $50 billion a year—more than all burglaries, car thefts, and bank robberies combined. But sure, let’s keep talking about how we need stricter punishments for shoplifters.

How To Live Like a Billionaire (Without Being One!)

So, what can us simple folks do to enjoy the same perks as the rich?

• Need money? Don’t earn wages—just borrow against your assets! (Oh wait, we don’t have billion-dollar assets.)
• Want to avoid taxes? Just turn everything into a business expense! Your pickup truck? Business expense. Your Bass Pro Shop trip? Corporate retreat. Your entire house? Make it your “corporate headquarters.”

Moral of the Story? The System Ain’t Broken—It’s Just Not For Us.

The tax code ain’t some unfortunate accident. It was written this way—by and for the people who benefit most from it. They pay lobbyists millions so they can keep billions. And what do we get? “Hey, be grateful for your job, peasant.”

I say it’s time we stop falling for it. Time to stop defending billionaires like they’re our buddies. They’re not. They don’t even know us. Heck, they don’t even see us from their yachts.

But don’t worry. When Bezos builds his next space station, maybe he’ll wave at us from the sky while we’re out here working 50-hour weeks and still trying to figure out how to pay our rent.

What do y’all think? Should we start writing off our groceries as “corporate meals” or just keep paying up while billionaires laugh from their tax-free paradise? ??