Can We Keep LinkedIn Professional? It's Not That Hard. Really... Pretty Please?

#LinkedInFails #ProfessionalNetworking #LinkedInCringe #WorkplaceProfessionalism #CareerAdvice

Views expressed are my own, intentionally provocative for shock value and emphasis, and ABSOLUTELY do not represent those of my employers, past or present, or any potentially affiliated organizations. Heck, they may not even represent my own views on any given day.  This is edu-satire. Reader discretion is advised.
        

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Ah, LinkedIn. Remember when LinkedIn was about professional networking? Pepperidge Farm remembers. These days, it's devolved into some bizarre hybrid of Facebook drama, Instagram thirst traps, and Twitter flame wars - but with job titles attached.

The Story of the Professional Network That Forgot the "Professional" Part

Let's talk about what LinkedIn has become, shall we?

1. The Social Media Identity Crisis

LinkedIn seems to be having trouble remembering what it is. Here's a hint: It's not Facebook. It's not Instagram. It's definitely not Tinder [shiver]. It's supposed to be a professional networking platform. You know, for work stuff?

2. The Content Conundrum

- Post: "10 Tips for Better Project Management"

- Video: Dancing cat

What exactly is the correlation here? Are we suggesting agile methodology is best explained through interpretive feline dance?

3. The DM Disaster Zone

Your LinkedIn inbox shouldn't need a NSFW filter. Yet here we are. Pro tip: If you wouldn't say it in a meeting with HR present, maybe don't say it in a professional networking platform?

Things That Don't Belong on LinkedIn (An Incomplete List)

1. Your Religious Tirades and Proselytizing

- Your faith is your business

- Your colleague's faith is their business

- LinkedIn is nobody's church/temple/mosque/other

2. Your Political Manifestos

Got strong political views? Great! There are approximately 86 other platforms for that. Take it there please...

3. Your Dating Strategy

"Professional networking" doesn't mean what you think it means. Tinder is that way →

4. Those Weird Inspirational Stories

"Today I saw a squirrel gather nuts. This reminded me of AWS cloud storage strategies..."

No. Just... no. ... STILL NO, but now in all caps!

The Clickbait Catastrophe

"This one weird trick will 10x your productivity!"

Video shows someone juggling flaming chainsaws

Can we not? Please? Some of us are trying to do actual work here.

How to Keep It Professional (For Those Who Forgot)

1. The Professional Content Test

Before posting, ask yourself:

- Is this work-related?

- Would I show this in a business meeting?

- Does the video actually match the text?

If the answer is no, maybe save it for your personal social media.

2. The DM Etiquette Guide

- Keep it professional

- Stay on topic

- If you wouldn't say it to your CEO, don't say it here

- No, that person you've never met doesn't want to "get coffee"

3. The Content Relevance Check

- Is your post about business or careers? ?

- Is your post about professional development? ?

- Is your post about industry trends or new-fangled tech? ?

- Is your post a viral dance trend? ?

- Is your post a religious or political manifesto? ?

A Modest Proposal

Here's a crazy idea: Let's use LinkedIn for what it was intended for:

- Professional networking

- Industry insights

- Career development

- Business opportunities

- Knowledge sharing

Not for:

- Your dating life

- Your political campaign

- Your religious conversion efforts

- Whatever that dancing chicken video was supposed to be

In Conclusion: A Call for Professional Sanity

LinkedIn is a professional networking platform. It's not your personal social media catchall. It's not your dating app. It's not your political soapbox. And it's definitely not the place for your interpretive dance videos (unless you're actually a professional dancer sharing industry insights).

Let's make LinkedIn professional again. Save the drama for Twitter, the vacation photos for Instagram, and the personal life updates for Facebook. Your future employers will thank you.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go decline some connection requests from "Bitcoin Investment Advisors", "Internet Ministries", and "Spiritual Growth Coaches."

P.S. Hey... If this post offended you: maybe ask yourself why you're treating a professional networking site like your personal social media playground?