Can we have it all?

I am at an airport in the US - all set to fly back to my homeland, India. Tears are rolling down my cheeks. I am besieged by mixed emotions- feeling happy but with a tinge of sadness strewn all around my happiness.

Let me explain the context. My elder son was recently admitted to an undergraduate course at the University of Washington, Seattle. I came to the US to drop him off. This is a proud moment for me and, at the same time, an emotional one.

While waiting in the lounge, a thousand images and memories flashed across my mind. He was a small child just a few years back. I can't even fathom how quickly he grew into this strapping young man, and now he is slated to be on his own in a foreign land- thousands of miles away from me. As I leave him behind, one particular thought constantly bothers me.

"Have I been a good mother?".

I have been continuously working in the corporate world for the last 25 years. Life has always meant making constant adjustments between professional and personal primacies. I often have to prioritize my office deliverables and travel to different places. Given that my time was always divided between work and home, there was an acute sense of regret in my mind- Maybe I could have been a better mom and could've spent some more time with my son. Working women often face such dilemmas in their lives. And then their thoughts are laced with self-criticism and regret. I just thought about sharing three coping mechanisms that I am trying to define to manage my regret

Recognize how my job has helped my family

When women work, they definitely bring financial stability to the family. There is a paycheck to consider, and it should be seriously considered. When we solidly contribute to the running of our household, provide for our children, and give the emotional security that comes with an assured income, we do know working is good for our family. Today, my son can study at a top-ranked university only because I can withstand this expenditure.

?Overcoming the Super Woman Syndrome

Understanding that I am not a superwoman and letting go of perfectionism. When I go back in time and take a look at my family history, there are two women who seem to epitomize that bygone Era. My mother didn't work outside her home as she did not have much of an education. My mother-in-law, who was highly educated, gave up her career as an educationist in India to raise her family. Women have many more choices and options today, but we also have to meet multiple demands and handle diverse responsibilities. Today, we are doing all that we always did traditionally as wives, mothers, daughters, daughters-in-law, etc., and, in fact, a lot more. It's difficult to achieve perfection. Already, we're ALL super women.

Emotionally trusting my partner

Trust is the foundation of a solid relationship, and putting in the time and effort to create that bond results in feeling happier and more secure. We need someone special in our life whom we can emotionally trust and bank upon. In my case, that one person is my husband. I feel free to discuss my weaknesses and regrets, and his reassurance helps sustain my overall psychological well-being.

Finally, it is time to let my young one spread his wings, soar, and find his place under the Sun. As a mother, I want him to be happy always. Whether this happiness comes from academic achievement and material success or even without it is irrelevant. I've seen too many so-called 'successful' yet unhappy people wish for the former alone. I sincerely hope and pray that he grows into a mentally stable and physically healthy person with abundant compassion and tolerance towards the weak and the moral courage to stand up to bullies who abound in our personal and professional spheres.

Whatever happens, I'll always be there for him.

That's what being a mother is all about - isn't it?