Can we Escape the Customer Service Drama Triangle?

If you peer into certain corners of social media these days, you’d be forgiven for thinking that there is an all-out war going on between customers and Customer Service Representatives (CSRs). Customers post videos online of employees they perceive are not doing their job properly, whilst on different channels, employees provide advice on how best to “irritate” problem customers. Whilst social media algorithms tend to highlight the more extreme of these examples, there are clear signs that customer service relationships are becoming increasingly dysfunctional. A recent survey from eGain indicates that 63% of agents feel that customer service interactions are getting more complex and stressful.

The negative impacts on companies are obvious: as well as the loss of business from unhappy customers, relentless negative interactions can create a vicious circle of employee attrition leading to yet lower levels of customer service and a higher likelihood of aggravation. Our own research* found that

agents who feel unable or disempowered to make customers happy are 3x more likely to leave their job than those who can deliver a high level of satisfaction.

The answers to these challenges are not simple, and likely require a holistic overhaul of service, covering end-to-end customer experience as well as the specifics of a customer service interaction. When thinking about how we better prepare employees to manage difficult customer interactions, one model that I find productive is the Drama Triangle. Originally proposed by the psychiatrist Stephen B. Karpman in 1968, the Drama Triangle is a common method of modelling dysfunctional relationships based on three key roles that people are observed to play during negative interactions:

• The Victim: takes a position that they have no control, nothing can be done, and all attempts to improve the situation are futile?
• The Persecutor: takes a position of blame, pointing the finger at others and wanting retribution
• The Rescuer: takes a position of helping others, but in a way that elevates their own status above actually solving the problem

It’s important to note that these are roles played by people, not fixed identities, and it’s possible to switch roles dynamically during the interaction. Although the Drama Triangle uses emotive words like “victim”, it is not intended to be a judgment against an individual’s core character. The model was originally developed for providing therapy in family situations, but I think it is apt to apply it to customer service interactions, because employees often talk about playing a specific role in these situations.

It’s easy to think of examples of where customer service representatives play each of the three roles.

• Customer service rep as “victim”: “I’m sorry the rules state that I am not allowed to give you a refund so there is nothing more I can do”
• Customer service rep as “persecutor”: “You should have read the terms and conditions more carefully; this was all explained when you signed up”
• Customer service rep as “rescuer”: “Yes, I agree it’s an unfair policy. If you write a complaint to our head office, they will give you your money back”

All three of these responses contribute towards worsening a customer’s perception of their experience.

Escaping the triangle

When creating the Drama Triangle, Kaplan was interested in the implied differences of power between different actors in a disagreement. There are a lot of subtle (and not so subtle) power dynamics going on in customer services. For example, Customer Service Rep can often be a low-status job within organisations – they have little power to change internal policies – but from a customer’s perspective, the rep can be seen as holding all the cards. They have the power to help the customer or not, and the customer can feel like they have no other options. This mis-aligned perception of relative power is at the root of a lot of stressful interactions.

“Empowerment” is a commonly used word in the design of customer service organisations, but it can be hard to turn that intent into practice. The goal of empowerment should be to give employees the power to do the right thing in any context, and to ensure customers feel happy with the outcome.

In 2005, David Emerald Womeldorff created the Empowerment Triangle as a literal inverse of the Drama Triangle. This casts three new roles, each with the more constructive intent of achieving true resolution and more positive relationships:

• Instead of victims, Creators, who focus on outcomes instead of problems. “I can upgrade you to a plan where all your calls are included, so you won’t get these charges anymore. If you upgrade today, I can refund all the charges for the last month in recognition of your loyalty”
• Instead of persecutors, Challengers, who look for alternatives and break down preconceived barriers. “I’m going to get the sales process changed so that the charges will be clearer upfront to new customers”
• Instead of rescuers, Coaches, who act compassionately and believe in others’ ability to learn and grow. “I can show you how you can use the app to notify you of any changes in usage and avoid any charges in future. That way you will be in control”

All three approaches focus on improving the relationship with the customer and making things better for all customers in future.

How to embed empowerment

In my experience, most CSRs want to help and do the best thing for their customers, so empowerment is less about mandating specific scripts that they should follow, and more about creating the right context to enable them to make the best choices. For example, providing CSRs with personalised recommendations on potential solutions, or giving them the time to coach customers to get the most out of a product. This may require a wholesale redesign of customer service ways of working and culture, as well as new processes and tools.

An interesting question to follow this would be – how can we influence customers to follow the Empowerment Triangle roles in stressful situations? Can we change customer experience for the better by changing the ways customers perceive and approach customer service challenges? I think that could be a worthy topic for a future post.

* Source: BCG global survey of Customer Service Representatives, 2022, n = 320