Can an old dog learn new tricks?

Every day I turn on my computer I am entertained while surfing the web. Sometimes I do not know whether to laugh or cry, both at the news or gossip, and by the ‘modernisms’ used in reporting.

Also, in these heady days of the Me-too movement, I am surprised that women of the world have not revolted against the obviously sexist reporting across social media. Let me give some examples.

On one of the ‘news’ sights I read, to quote: ‘Gwyneth Paltrow poses nude covered in gold body paint’, another headline announces: ‘Cardi B just posed half naked…’, and yet another shouts: ‘Bella Hadis bikini barely covers anything’.

Are all web surfers guys I wonder? Are we all trying to get soft porn peeks at good looking women? No, I believe it is those celebrity sites that feed off our manly desires to grab more advertising dollars. But please don’t saturate the web with these headlines, or insights about the ‘influencers’ whether they be Tik Tok or others.

I laugh at the superlatives that are roped into these headlines that try, and mostly do, capture our manly attention. Some of the ones I have come across: ‘Celebrity stuns in tiny bikini’, ‘At sixty-four, her abs are sizzling in a tiny bikini’, or ‘Her abs are legit chiseled in AF crop top…’.

I don’t think I was ‘stunned’, but perhaps I was ‘gobsmacked’, or experienced a ‘jaw dropping moment’.

And then there are the property developers who will stop at nothing to cast their nets and capture our attention for new condos. Firstly, it seems that there are no more ‘normal’ buildings, only ‘high end’ luxury standards. Is plaster, drywalls, wood separators and cardboard ‘high end luxury’??And how about the ‘creative suburban living in the city’, or modern living reimagined?

Then there are the artists, singers and tv series. In the old days singers and bands released new albums. Today they ‘drop’ them! We are urged to ‘get into’ an ‘all new’ episode of some tv series. How am I supposed to ‘get into’ an episode? I probably couldn’t even if it ‘dropped’ onto me! If I could, I would throw some Rotten Tomatoes at the producers.

Everything today is superlatives. I hear the word ‘awesome’ spoken more than ‘like’ these days. What is it about modern life that makes everything awesome? Is it the racism, the divisiveness of our western societies, the war going on in Ukraine, the high cost of living, the unattainability of young people to own homes, the covid pandemic, the increased anger towards our fellow man, or are all those awesome too?

What’s an old dog like me to do to keep up with the Kardashians….and everyone else?

I like to keep up with the news as do most people. In this new age of immediate accessibility to every event live, we are fortunate enough to be provided with instant news and updates of stuff going on across this sorry globe of ours.

Events are covered by ‘our reporters on the ground’ in various locations. I always, throughout my life, took it for granted that reporters were on the ground. Where else would they be, in the air, hovering while giving us their take?

And then there are all these abbreviations that seem to be invented every day. Will we all soon just talk to each other online in abbreviations? How about….?4U, I need 121. It’s 2G2BT, I need more 411. These kinds of texts roll off kid’s fingers like Mazola, but to me they are all ‘Greek’. The free translation is: I have a question for you, I need a one on one chat. It’s too good to be true, I need more information. For us baby boomers it is easier to write a letter….and BTW (by the way), where have they all gone?

Along with instant news there is the new ‘exaggeration’. Everything needs not only superlatives, but ‘cotton wool’ to fill out descriptions, articles and more.

To end my thoughts, I remember reading an article in the Times of London many moons ago where a reporter interviewed the incoming (AKA new) ambassador to London from the USA. The ambassador was asked about his residence. Well, he mentioned that he and his wife had taken on an interior designer, had drawn up plans, chosen the materials and paint colors. They had envisioned the new décor and the atmosphere that they wanted and were satisfied with the results. Of course, the article went on and on and on with facts, figures, colors…you name it.

Just below the article was: Editors note: The ambassador means that they have redecorated.

That had me LMFAO and ROFL!