Can OD Support Families in Lockdown During COVID-19?

The other day someone asked me to write something about OD and family and OD in community setting in time like this. I was evoked by this question. At first, I was not sure I had anything to say but seeing how many of my younger colleagues, nieces and friends with children have been in a locked-down-state, I decided to attempt an answer. I focused on the question of ‘What OD has to offer to family/household in C-19 situation?’ I will share 3 important ideas to OD, and their possible application in the family situation.

1. OD is applied behavioural science – a field that helps us understand human behaviour. Within families, we often form a short cut way to describe those who are close and dear to us. Through time, we seldom question whether the way we “get them” (likely established many years ago) is still true or valid after the passage of time or life experience (e.g. children growing up, sister who went through critical life experiences, partners who have slowly shifted their personality balance, parents who, in their old age, think and feel differently). This is especially true when we have been busy working and seldom have time to get re-acquainted and check out our view of them. All human beings NEED to be known to those who are important to us, hence this is a time for us to do that. For those who are geographically far away, we may need to think of a different type of conversation or inquiry to get to know them. This intention to update our view of others will help us enter into deeper intimacy with them as we ‘listen’ to who they say they are, and not whom we think or need them to be.   

As for those of you who are locked down in the same house, this is something you can do with them:

a. Get yourself a journal, observe each of your family members (children, partner, etc) over a week and note down their behavioural patterns without interpretation. After a few days, see whether you can observe something new and different about them from the image you hold of them. Ask yourself, ‘how do I check my observation about them?’ Maybe create an opportunity to have a conversation or do something to gauge their reaction – to give yourself some more data about them. To do this is to grow your intimacy with them. Let them know you “SEE” them, you affirm their traits, and you share with them your surprises and delight while inviting them to reveal themselves more to you, bit by bit.

b. Find a time to call all your family members together and tell them you are playing a family game. Give each person a pile of 10 to 20 small pieces of paper and a plastic take away box, and have a larger bowl/basket for the centre. Ask them to write down all the words they would use to describe who they are. Start with an example, “Hannah, what word would you describe yourself?” Ask Hannah to write down her descriptive word. When everyone finishes their first word, ask them to fold their piece of paper up and put it in the central basket. Next, each member is asked to pull a piece of paper out from the basket and read the word on the paper out loud and then, together, everyone says which persons plastic box that piece of paper should go into. For the game to work there should be no protesting or explanations. At the end of all the rounds, each person takes their plastic box and reads out all the descriptions they have. They can then share which bit they think is “more or less” like them and why? The whole point of this game is for the family to sit together and spend some time thinking about who they themselves, and the others in the family, are. The key process is for each person to share with the others who they think they are. The 3 rules of this game are (1) for people to not say nasty or negative things of others during the game (even in the form of bantering); (2) nor should the individual protest when the other person is sharing who they are e.g. “oh no, you are not like that at all”; (3) end the game by everyone saying something positive about each other.

2. OD believes that any cultural brand and behavioural patterns do not come about by chance, but rather by specific action (intervention) to encourage their practice and embedding. Let’s take the behavioural pattern of ‘distributed leadership’ as an example. If we want all members in the household to have the confidence to take leadership, then it is not something we can just wish for without encouraging it to happen. In family dynamics, there are always a recognizable leadership patterns – who make the decision, who initiate new things to do, who has veto power, who always has something to say, who wants to lead but somehow doesn’t get to, and who never want to step out of their comfort zone.

a. In this time, there are many areas that we need to think about new ways of doing things for the family or the household. For example, we can be doing 10 minutes of exercise during the day, providing pet care, developing new ways of putting structure into the day and different ways to plan the meals and small projects within the house and gardens. Try to get the full family together and come up with such a list of tasks and items to do and then ask who will be happy to “take the lead” on each of the items from the list. Your role is to encourage them to take leadership to plan and execute. In this way, everyone who wants to “lead” on something will get a chance to decide what to do and how to do it. If a 5-year-old insists on all her family do samba for 15 minutes, and everyone praised her for leading that, that will be a happy moment – and we need more happy moments for the time being!

b. Another thing the family/household can do is to choose two nights a week where one of you take a subject you like and are interested in and give a 10 minutes “sharing” about what they have found out about this area and subject and why they are interested in it.  In this way, each member will be able to take a “lead” to decide what the family/household should talk about and show their leadership in that way.

3. OD is very big on increasing one’s self-awareness as a means to grow. We also put emphasis on encouraging people to name the type of feelings they have in any moment. We believe the more an individual is aware of who they are, their emotional pattern and ways to deal with the pattern, they will be in better mental health as well as able to contribute to the civility of the relationship of the group they are in. 

a. Doing something like item one above will increase their self-awareness of who they are and who others are. You can build on the fruits from this activity further, for example, by looking at how to tolerate and support each other’s differences.

b. Print out a emoji sheet [download our sample here] where there are different faces that describe one’s emotion. Once a week or more often than that, sit down together to ask each member to circle as many of the emotion they experience that day, the last few days or the week. Then take turns sharing what each person circled and why? Help each other hear the reasons behind each feeling. Then at the end of the sharing, ask what each individual can offer to help the other members feel better about things. Turn this exercise into a group “mental health” check and support group.

4. I am sure there are other OD principles that you can think of that are relevant to apply to the family situation in a time like this. For example, the power of co-construction, the importance of social discourse and dialogue, the encouragement of storytelling using different imagery and narratives, the importance of keeping boundaries while learning to work across boundaries, the need to put relationship as the top work, the practice of collaboration, the “seeing” of “parts, whole, and the greater whole” and the magic of altruistic connection with the greater community. They all can be used; all we need to do is to turn them into ‘OD interventions’ and try them out to our family. Maybe some of you will copyright your “OD game” after this period and sell them - any extra income will help. ??

Yes, OD has a lot to offer to family in this C-19 time. May we continue to uphold our mandate to “return humanity back to the family, the extended family, and the community besides the workplace.” Wishing you all safety and a deep joy of being alive.

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