Can I Trust You?

Have you ever been asked this question? Have you ever asked this question to someone else? Trust is an essential part of human interaction. So much so, that people frequently participate in “trust-building” programs. Whether your team participates in an outdoor adventure or learns to work together to build Lego projects, team members work to build trust with one another.

To be clear, let’s define the word.

Trust (noun) is the firm belief in the reliability, ability, or strength of someone else. Trust can also be seen as the ability to rely on someone else. We can take people at their word (i.e., the other person will not intentionally lie to us to cause harm). We can be assured of another person’s action (if they say they will do something; they will do it). We can be assured that if we needed a person’s help, that person would help. Trust, then can be seen as a type of assurance. It’s a guarantee by the other person.?

Trust is something we need in order to interact with other people and feel safe doing so. But it’s not safe to ask just anyone – can I trust you? So, the question is, when is a relationship to the point when two people trust one another? This is an interesting question. Can we measure it in time? Can we measure it in actions? Can we measure it by type of relationship? How can we determine when it’s okay to trust someone else.?

Can I Trust You????

I am ever writing a story about “John”. John is a young man who is in the process of becoming a leader. He is about to embark on a journey of a lifetime. He is about to recruit a team of people to help him along the journey. To do this, John wants to be able to trust those around him.?

This is part of his story.

“Can I trust you not to tell my father?” John asked. He felt ashamed for even asking the question, and it showed. John sat at the kitchen table of a good friend’s house. A cozy fire was burning in the other room. The whole house felt as warm as his mother’s kitchen when she spent the day baking breads and pies. To John, sitting at Jose’s kitchen table was just like being home. He was safe and relaxed. And if he were to admit it, he felt vulnerable.

John has known Jose his whole life. Whenever John had a problem that he felt he could not talk to his father about, he would turn to Jose. Over the years, this became a much more frequent alternative than asking his father about anything. As John was facing his eighteenth birthday, Jose was as much a father-figure as any man.?

Jose sat across from John, looking at the back of John’s head, which was bent forward. When John raised his head again, he saw the compassion in his friend’s eyes.

“I’m sorry,” John said. “I . . . that was a stupid question.”

“There are no stupid questions,” Jose said in defense, but in a calm and clear manner. “You face some difficult decisions in life. With that comes uncertainty and confusion.” Jose paused and considered his own thoughts. “You can trust me not to tell your father. I am not insulted by your inquiry. It is good that you asked the question, in fact. So please, listen and consider my words. Our relationship is of great value to me. I would never betray you. However, I feel that this time, I act in foolishness. It is not that I will betray you. It is that I can no longer protect you.”

John smiled weakly. The words were important to hear. But the burden of his friend’s words came crashing down around him. John felt the burden of his life closing in on him. He was suffocating. As if this moment, and every moment that followed, was going to make the biggest impact on the rest of his life. He did not want to feel like this. Now that the moment had arrived, he wished he was like the others in his community. He wished he could feel settled and complete in the community that he grew up in. He wished he could feel rested and restful with his family and working on the farm. But every day that he woke up, those feelings never rose up inside of him. And the struggle to find some sort of peace in his life evaded him.?

Over the past few months, John had asked Jose for more of his time. After work and on weekends, he would walk over to Jose’s house and talk. Since Jose also worked on his father’s farm, John’s parents thought nothing of it. If anything, his parents felt that John’s relationship with Jose was quite healthy. It was as if Jose had stepped in to act as an ‘uncle’ and mentor. To this, John’s parents were quite appreciative.?

Can I Trust You??

Trust is required when creating a friendship, building a team, or leading people. You have to be a person worthy or trusting. This means you need to be dependable and reliable. You must act consistently. Your words must align with your actions; your actions must align with your words. The people around you need to know in their minds – and in their guts – that when you say or do something, you mean what you say and you will act on what you do.

Can I Trust You?

A long time ago, my boss asked me this question. I was a young man fresh out of the Marine Corps. I was selling ice cream and was responsible for handling money. My boss wanted to promote me. So he asked the question: Can I trust you? My answer was simple. Only you can make that determination for yourself. Have I done anything that has caused you not to trust me in all the time I have worked for you?

I was awarded the promotion.

Thanks for reading!

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