Can I make a difference?

“Time to slow down said the boss (AKA the Wife) “No, time for a new direction” I replied. Drawing on my extensive experience of Cancer in the workplace, I hope I can support both employers and employees through this precarious mine field.

Let me know what you think?

For Whom The Bell Tolls

So, why am I writing this, well for the past 6 years I have had to fight 3 different cancers simultaneously and, from a very selfish point of view, I want to say I have been lucky enough to have beaten all three. Along the way, I have experienced the good, the bad and the ugly of dealing with cancer on a day-to-day basis, on both a personal and work-related level.

Now I’m not going to say that everything I write is correct, and I do realise some of this is my perception, but it is all factual.

If the sum of my experiences can help just one person deal with the pressures of this bloody horrible disease, or guide one employer to stop and think, and enable them to help a fellow human being, then it will be worth everything I have had to endure to tell the tale.

“For WHOM The Bell Tolls”

That’s a line that most of us may have heard from Alister MacLean, the famous spy novelist.

However, I am coming at this from another angle.

The first time I heard the bell ring, I was sitting in St Thomas’s Hospital at Westminster Bridge, having just completed another radiotherapy session, when I heard what I can only describe as a kerfuffle.

There was a bunch of people standing around what I later found out to be an old bell, similar to the ones you find in pubs to call time. Well, this bell started to ring, and the group of people gathered around it started to cheer and clap and be generally extremely happy!

At the time I thought this was very inappropriate!

But as they started to clear I saw smiles and laughter and loads of photos being taken. Along with a lovely sign saying

“Ring this bell

Three time well

Its toll to clearly say

My treatment is done

This course is run

And I am on my way!

I suddenly found myself smiling, in fact I caught my reflection in the window, and I had a big cheesy grin, which made me laugh, and to be honest it had been a while since I had found a reason to smile.

My Story:

I first heard those dreaded words in July 2016,?“Mr Bond, unfortunately I have to inform you that you have Cancer”

Initially it was Prostate Cancer, and unfortunately, since that dreaded day in 2016, I have had that bloody nightmare of a conversation twice more.

The second time was in November 2018 when I was diagnosed with Oesophagus Cancer and then again in September 2021 when I was diagnosed with Lung Cancer. I can honestly say, and I don’t care who you are, but every time you hear those words, it takes your legs from under you.

Delivering bad news is never nice, as we all know, however our first experience of receiving the news did not go well! I don’t want to knock the NHS, because they are an amazing bunch of people, but as I said on this occasion it?was very much a shock. I was shown into a room and this nice lady said, “Hello I’m Alison and I’m your Macmillan nurse”, and straight away, from the looks on our faces, she realised that we had not been told anything, and as I sat with my amazing wife in Medway hospital, our initial reaction was to cry.

I believe that to be a natural reaction because of the shock of the information. Don’t get me wrong, I see no shame in crying, and bloody cry we did. I can only speak for myself, but I went through a whole host of initial emotions. Firstly, telling the children and immediate family was extremely difficult. When you say to someone you have Cancer most people think the worst and struggle to know what to say, well that has always been in my experience.

The initial first thoughts that go through in your mind, are from a very practical point of view.

I thought, if this does not go well how am I going to pay the mortgage and the bills? etc… and then you think, “Oh bugger I’m going to die”!

Well, maybe there were far more expletives than that, but I’m sure you get the picture.

Then, how do I tell work initially?... Now that was a lot harder than I thought it would be.

The person I was working for at the time had known me for almost 20 years and I considered her to be a good friend as well. Once I had summoned up the courage to tell her, and after the initial tears and heartfelt hugging, came my first experience of dealing with Cancer in the workplace.

Despite the illness, I did not look ill, and for those of you that know me, I was packing a few extra pounds to say the least. I would go far as to say that I enjoyed the nicer things in life, especially great food and wine, so I was most definitely in the right industry; but because of that I looked fit and healthy. It appeared to be a phoney war, and with no real enemy to fight

Their initial reactions were great; they paid for me to go to Harley Street to see a world class Oncologist for a second option, which I found to be reassuring. Unfortunately, that came back with the same diagnosis as the NHS, and the plan laid down was to have an operation, followed by radiotherapy, drugs and maybe chemotherapy,

I received a date for the operation, which to be honest was a great turnaround, from being diagnosed in July to my operation date in September. Now from a support point of view, came a crucial conversation which took a lot of stress out of my school of thinking at the time. It was a simple statement, but it meant so much, “Don’t worry how long you are going to be off work, we will pay you in full until you are back.” I cannot tell you how much that one simple statement really settled down the worry and concerns I had.

As I said, I did not look ill at this point, so that can be as challenging as being able to deal with what’s in front of you. That dreaded word “Cancer”, takes over your life. I can only describe it this way, your best 5 seconds of every day is the first 5 seconds when you first wake up, because after those 5 seconds your brain shouts “Cancer” and you are in those doldrums of the dark clouds of Cancer.

I had, and have, every intention of always fighting this bloody horrible disease, and believe me it does not matter how many times you put me down, I will always get back up. However, that word is in your mind all day and every day, and the last thing you think about before falling asleep is “Cancer”.

I don’t think ‘Woe is me’ because it’s not like that, it’s just like having a hand wave at you in your peripheral vision saying, “I’m over here” and the bugger won’t go away. All you can do is put a happy face on for everyone around you, but believe me, it does wear you down.

Now as I share what I have gone through I have no intention of using names in any negative connotations, but I will, with no shame, name certain people who deserve recognition for being in my humble opinion, exceptional human beings.

Now communication is key, because people don’t know what to say, and that’s not their fault, it's uncomfortable and awkward.

I know this may just be me that finds this word negative, but I feel very uncomfortable when someone’s response to my news is, ‘sorry’. Ask me how I am, or how my wife is, or even how I am feeling, but please don’t say sorry.

Now the next bit can be a slight anti-climax, especially if visually you look and feel okay.

At first it is like that phoney war I talked about earlier, but it is just a process, you start to go along the Cancer treatment path. I suppose the best thing you can do when talking to your employer is to try and have as much practical information as possible with you for the conversation, like treatment plans, time scales, recovery etc, and be honest with what you think you may need help with. If you are the person with the cancer don’t over commit yourself, just take one day at a time.

If you are the spouse of someone with Cancer, you too need support; mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially - especially if you need time off work to attend hospital appointments and generally care for the patient. Sometimes it is even harder for them than the person going through the treatment, and they are often overlooked.

There is a lot of support and information out there, and a great starting point will be Macmillan. You will be assigned a Macmillan nurse, together with a help line number, and I have to say these people are amazing, they are most definitely true unsung heroes. They can guide and help you in so many ways, even things that you won’t know you need.

Employers, I can only advise that you think about what you can do for this person, because once they have been given that news, most will need help in one way or another.

As I previously said, from my own experiences in no particular order, I came across the following good, bad and ugly reactions…

Good… as I said was financial reassurance, which is very important,

Bad… was seeing my job advertised on Indeed and other websites. I know for the employer it does raise concerns and doubt, and of course it is natural for people to want to make plans for their business, I really do understand that, but please have that open and honest conversation first, however it does not make it any easier.

I have also experienced being made redundant because I could become a liability. At the time I was travelling to St Thomas’s daily for radiotherapy and then going into work. I was struggling, and did not have enough fight in me at the time to do anything other than just take the cheque. I did return to work on one occasion to meet a chap who had been taken on to do my role, and strangely enough, that was awkward. But I have also been very fortunate to come across some amazing people who paid me for nearly 11 months and really looked after me. However, once again, I found myself in a redundant situation which was initially based on a previous year’s performance, as the new owners had no idea that I had received treatment for Cancer, or that I had been off work for nearly a year! So as Bob Hoskins said back in the day “It’s good to talk”.

Now I have learnt that we react to situations differently, and I can only share my thoughts and my experiences. At one stage I was writing a blog called the ‘Elephant Room’ to share with friends, family and colleagues what was happening with my treatment, how I was doing and how I was feeling, to try and make it easier for people that wanted to know the answers but were afraid to ask the questions. As I said earlier, people do find it hard to talk to you about Cancer, and I fully understand that, and if I am being totally honest, I found it very cathartic.?

So, there I was, July 2017, and for the first time I heard those amazing words “Mr Bond you are in remission”.

?Well I’ve never won the lottery, but I can only imagine that’s what it feels like. Someone has given you your life back and that word “Cancer” does start to fade from your mind, not immediately, but it does go, and you start to live again.

As I previously said, halfway through my treatment I was made redundant, and to be honest I was running out of fight, so I took the cheque and ran, putting all my effort and focus into beating the illness. I was very fortunate that whilst I was in remission rebuilding my life, I was offered a role with a great company, and all was good. It was an amazing company to work for with fantastic people, and I loved the food and wine!

As I entered 2018 life was good. That summer I planned to go to Australia to visit friends and we were having a great year. Around the Autumn time I was not feeling well, and without being too gross I was struggling to keep food down. Having suffered from reflux for several years I put it down to that. Work was no more pressure than it would normally be, although through the summer we went through a CVA, which was challenging and a real learning curve. However, the company got through it and I went and had the trip of a lifetime with my good lady in Oz. So, following on from my not feeling well in the Autumn, and despite my hidden thoughts that I may also have become a hypochondriac, off to the doctors I went.

Sadly, on the 18th of November 2018, for the second time, I was told, “Mr Bond you have Cancer” This time it was Oesophageal Cancer, and this diagnosis was a bit more serious than the last time. They were talking about percentage chances of survival! Which to be honest scared the hell out of me. Given my experiences first time round with my employers, I was confident to explain my current diagnosis with my boss at the time, and thought I would get all the work support I would need. In early December 2018 I started the first round of chemotherapy, but by late December I was really struggling. Between Christmas and New Year, I had a conversation with one amazing HR director who was totally unaware I was suffering from Cancer. But his actions changed my world, because to cut a long story short, by January the 4th 2019 I was placed on sick leave at 100% pay. Thanks to him I was able to concentrate on my treatment and not worry about how I was going to pay the bills. The company also made it clear that time was not an issue, but to just go away and get better.

By the time I entered St Thomas’s in March 2019 to have the tumour and my Oesophagus removed I had been able to put my house in order and know that the mortgage was being paid.

After a month in hospital, I went through 2 more rounds of chemotherapy and come November 2019 I wanted to get back in the saddle and return to work.?I was given the most amazing return to work schedule, it was both measured and thoughtful to my every need and I could not have been looked after more, it literally started with just one day a week. I had a real detailed induction and at the time I really wanted to walk before I could run, I thought I knew best and in hindsight I am so glad that I followed this care plan. I was made to feel so welcome, and it really brought home to me how much the company really cared about my wellbeing. The week before Christmas I went along to the head office in London for the CEO ‘s Christmas get together, and thanks from the CEO to the corporate team, when the CEO sat next to me in a quiet corner and asked how I was, and put an arm around me and made me feel that I truly was family. I’m not ashamed to say that as I walked away I cried, they were happy tears, even though I had not been given the ‘All Clear’.

That did not come until the morning of January 22nd, 2020, when my Oncologist called me, and for the second time in my life gave me those million $ words, “Mr Bond you are in remission”. Again, it was like winning the lottery, not once but twice! I will never forget that CEO for being an amazing human being.

I was off, back in the saddle and flying, all was good and then 2 events happened.

The first was worldwide and was called Covid.

The second unfortunately was our company going into administration on the same day as the 2020 lock down in March. Now as I had just finished chemotherapy, I was considered as vulnerable. So, into a very strict lockdown I went, and in June 2020 the company was bought out and I found myself facing redundancy yet again. I would have liked to say this was carried out with respect and dignity, but alas it was not, and I came across some real Cancer discrimination, which really shocked me in this day and age, or maybe I was just being na?ve. Again, I have no intention of mentioning this company or any of the people involved other than to say I hope they never treat anyone else like they treated me.

So there I was, back on the job market in a lock down. But considering the past 4 years I had experienced, I was feeling lucky and was happy to consider any new challenges. I was extremely lucky and found an amazing family company that was looking for an Operations Director. I was able to jump into the deep end on the 29th of June 2020, and at a time when it was a very strange world. It was all going well, but unfortunately due to Covid, I was unable to have any of the 12 weekly scans you would normally get after going into remission - again, as I said, I really do understand the way the world was.

Then in September 2021 I finally got to have a scan, which I felt was not a problem. I was expecting all to be well and was shocked when one non eventful day in November, I received that dreaded call and for the third time I heard those immortal words, ‘Mr Bond you have Cancer, lung this time’.

Firstly, the third time was no less earth shattering than the first time, although since my first time I had become a Macmillan telephone counselling buddy, so I was aware of perhaps some coping mechanisms, but as I said it still floored me and again, I’m not ashamed to say we did sit and have a good cry.

So now here I was again, getting ready to tell an employer that I had bloody Cancer, however they were lovely about it. I began December 2021 starting my next round of treatment, and it was going to be another Christmas that took some magic away from my wife and family, which made me sadder than the Cancer did, but those sleeves went up and another internal fight took place.

I’m not saying that I am any tougher than other people who are not as fortunate as myself, and being able to keep beating this, I realise I was just a lot luckier. Now again, I chose to work through my treatment and in hindsight I should have allowed myself time to heal. I knew I did not want to sit at home and just wait for the ‘All Clear’ and working did give me an escape, but as I said, it is not always the wisest thing to do! Maybe I should have spent more time working from home, because the treatment did take so much out of me and I don’t believe this aided my recovery that well. Although it is good to feel wanted, you should be realistic about your abilities through treatment

But as I said I’m a very lucky man and on the 11th of May 2022 I heard those words for a third time “Mr Bond I am pleased to inform you that you are in remission” YES, YES, YES went through my head, with maybe a few expletives!!!!

Counselling is one of the best things I did through this Cancer journey, it not only helped me to discover coping mechanisms, but it also helped with personal relationships and to be honest it taught me that it was not wrong to cry when you needed too, and there has been many a time when I have really needed that. As I have mentioned, I went from having counselling to learning to become a Macmillan counsellor.?I promised myself when I was at my lowest point that when I got back on my feet, I wanted to give something back, and I am proud to say it was one of the best things I have ever done. I never realised that mental health was as powerful as physical health and I now know you need both to survive.

Be prepared to meet some very blunt people along the way -?although I didn’t think it was a totally bad thing.

First time it did come as a shock. I was at St Thomas’s when I met this very helpful person, who will remain nameless, but she sat me down to talk me through a few things, and to be honest she did bowl me over and gave us a reality check. She started by saying I only had a 30% chance of surviving the up-and-coming operation and to go home and get my house in order, and then if I was lucky enough to get through this, there was also only a 30% chance of living past the next 5 years. Well that floored me, but in a strange way made me very strong. I thought, sod this, it's not going to beat me, and it made me quite mad and up for the fight -?I was not going to be beaten. Now to this day I don’t know if she said that to get a reaction, but however it was meant, it bloody well worked.

Now I was more than lucky, and I understand that support really is so important, which basically, is what this cathartic blog is all about.

Firstly, to share my experiences, and more importantly to try and help someone out there going through Cancer. You may have someone at work with Cancer and it may help you to help them! When someone hears those words, “You have Cancer” it can be sole destroying and most certainly can be such a burden on them and their family.?

If you feel you would like to talk to me about any of my experiences, or you believe that anything I have been through may help others, either on a personal or professional level, please do not hesitate to contact me. I really would like to try and help.

Now the experts say that one in two of us will experience Cancer at some point in our lives and I would be happy to support anyone fighting this bloody horrible thing. I have put together a comprehensive and hopefully?useful list of dos and don’ts and advice that I am happy to share. Whether that is through coming along to meet people who have Cancer, or maybe you are an employer that has a recently diagnosed employee?and?would like me to talk about my experiences.

One of the things that I have really learnt is that life is about making memories, someone a lot wiser than me once said “Live, love and leave a legacy” and I really understand now what they meant. Plan things and make them happen, and if you love someone, tell them and don’t be afraid to laugh and have some fun, which is not always easy when you’re going through treatment. But planning to do things has helped me get through this and made me realise what is important in life for me. As I said I can only say what helped me, I’m not saying I’m right, and you must do what is right for you.

I have so many people to thank and I will name them but the one person I really must thank is my amazing Wifey Sharon Bond, who without her love and support I would not be here today writing this….

Other people I would also like to thank for helping me through this Cancer journey, Ed Godwin Mark Jones Richard F. Claire Orlowska Dickson Jayne Baker Dominic Wilkinson Daniel Hallam Lee Goodridge Tom Harrington