Can I call you Black? Navigating difficult conversations at work

Can I call you Black? Navigating difficult conversations at work

What advice would you give your younger self?? This was a question that I was asked recently in a podcast for Imperial College London’s Belonging series.? I answered that I would speak my mind more.

It’s taken me years to find my voice and historically I would have shied away from difficult conversations due to a fear of confrontation.? Here’s what I found made it easier for me to open up.? Hopefully, it will inspire you to consider the workplace environment that you provide to make it easier for colleagues to discuss sensitive topics such as race and equality in a constructive way.

Safe Spaces?

Before diving into difficult conversations, it has helped me to know that I’m in a safe space where open dialogue is welcomed.?

Picture the scene…near the start of my career, I was asked to sit on a graduate recruitment panel.? An incredible applicant came up for discussion but was dismissed by some of the panel as being a Muslim, they would not fit into the work culture which centred around socialising in the pub.??

I felt emboldened to challenge this view because from the outset, the Chair of the panel had made it clear that all voices were valued.

Something as simple as stating that the ground rules for a meeting are respectful communication and an understanding that all perspectives are welcome is empowering for those hesitant to speak their mind.?

Active Listening and empathy

Back in the noughties when flexible working was still a contentious idea, I remember having to put my case for a four-day week to my Marketing Director.? He allowed me to share my experiences without interruption, demonstrating empathy and a genuine interest in understanding my perspective as a working mum with two young children.???

What I remember most from our conversation was that he acknowledged my feelings and validated my experiences, even though he did not fully comprehend them.? There was no gas lighting going on!

A learning culture

Can I call you Black?? Being in a space where people genuinely want to educate themselves counts for a lot so when I was asked this question, I knew that it came from a good place.???

That said, the onus should not be on the minority to do the educating.? There are a huge number of books, videos and podcasts about racism, sexism and classism that give insights into lived experiences and the impact of systemic biases to support people to have informed conversations. Equally important, is for organisations to facilitate this learning. For example, Race Equality Matters is encouraging organisations to sign up to their five day challenge taking place from 5th - 11th February.?

Feedback framework

Ever wanted to challenge someone but didn’t know where to start?? A pivotal moment for me was when a former employer trained us using the Situation, Behaviour, Impact (SBI) model .? This simple model gave me a powerful framework to structure my thoughts, evidence why I felt the way that I did and ensure that I clearly communicated how the other person’s behaviour had impacted me.?

I definitely recommend that all colleagues, not just managers, are trained on how to give constructive feedback.??

Responding to Resistance

The times when I was most hesitant to have a challenging conversation have been when I doubted that anything would come of it. Difficult conversations can be uncomfortable and, inevitably, the initiator can face resistance.? What then happens in your organisation?????

If you want to have a workplace that encourages open dialogue, then employees need to know that it’s worth their emotional labour to speak up.?

Conclusion

An unwillingness to embark on a challenging conversation should not be confused with a lack of assertiveness.? In many cases, the hesitation is caused by fatigue coupled with a risk analysis that the repercussions outweigh the benefits.??

By fostering a culture of openness, empathy, and continuous learning, organisations go a long way to creating an environment where individuals feel they can be heard, valued, and are willing to have difficult conversations.? Hopefully, you’ll be enlightened by what they have to say.

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