Can I be brutal?
This week I opened myself up for some feedback. Specifically, on my presenting - I really want to improve.
I am a presenter. I do it several times a week and to sizeable audiences. I’m not a terrible speaker, but I’m no master either. I don’t even know if I have that dreaded word ‘gravitas’. If I do it’s more of the playful variety than a polished, authoritative or dignified style.?
Let me be clear, given I had the chance for feedback from an expert, and posed the ask ‘help me be better’ - I was not expecting this to be a glowing if-you’re-happy-and-you-know-it-clap-along moment. But their comments started with an ominous question: ‘can I be brutal?’ And I heard my own voice, which I barely recognised, say - 'absolutely, I’d love that!’
Can I just say here that I like this person very much? They are extremely smart, kind and fast becoming a super collaborator. All of their comments had my best interests in first place.
Anyway, their comments:
Ouch.
Did I mention, this was all said in front of my boss?
Initially, I thought I needed to make the pipe dream of owning an ice cream van a reality much sooner than I ever imagined. I thought: I can’t slow down… I’ve got too much energy, it’s who I am. And come on... honestly, is it not just a little bit charming? In a spirited, Marina Hyde kind of way? No, it turns out, it's not. It’s more akin to an irritating kids TV character, singing, on repeat, when you have a hangover.
Anyway, we move. I had an opportunity to speak again on a similar topic the next day. The whole time I was telling myself to speak S-L-O-W. I was so distracted by this thought, that my first contribution was an edge-of-your-seat insight, wait for it – ‘we are here’. I hope listeners had a pen handy for that.
Once I got into my stride I was okay. I’d flit from too speedy to suddenly remembering to slow down. So I felt slightly uncomfortable the whole time. On listening back, you can pick up on this, as some points sounded far more credible than others. One thing is for sure, I’m going to keep experimenting.
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What am I most proud of? Listening. I just listened. I didn’t react (bar laugh at ‘Tolstoy under a minute’ comment) – and didn’t blame anything. It’s always tempting to think 'hang on a minute' …deadlines, busy, long hours, Wednesdays… blah blah blah. But I really ignored any calling in me to shout ‘not fair!’ – and just absorbed.
What am I learning? A few things:
A final thought
Our metric for success should be 'number of goes'.
Inspired by an incredible piece of stand up from Deborah Frances-White years back… at a fete you’d always pick ‘3 goes for ￡1’, never ‘1 go for ￡1’ – much better chance at success. So why when the stakes are high in life, do we short-change ourselves, and put all the pressure on just one shot?
I’m playing the ‘as many goes for a ￡1 as I can get’ game. ?This week I’ve presented a lot, for 3? hours all told. At my previous record, that’s over 200 recitals of ‘War and Peace’.
#feedback #learning #failure #showingup #speaking #whatonearthisgravitas
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Writer, behavioural economist and insight specialist
4 个月For someone who I love listening to please don’t lose your authenticity and enthusiasm… just saying..
As one of my favourite managers said to me 'feedback's a gift' but for what it's worth I love your presenting style, you're so full of enthusiasm - you always hook me in. So please don't ever lose that!
Helping teams build awesome digital experiences with people at the heart & not just because the tech is cool. ?? Using Coaching & Facilitation for Human-Centred Design ??
4 个月Spot on article! I particularly love your tip on absorbing the information rather than explaining yourself (something I recognise in myself sometimes). On autopilot mode we can react to protect ourselves because we might see feedback as danger from which we need to defend ourselves. But if we slow down and switch to rational mode the world looks different - just as you reflected in your article. Thank you for speaking so candidly about such a relateable yet often uncomfortable topic ??
Founding Director The Customer Closeness Company AURA Best Small Agency Winner 2020 & 2021
4 个月One of the most memorably gutting moments of my career was when one of the owners of the agency I worked for said to me in a bar ‘I just don’t think we have ever got the best out of you’. I had no idea what expectation I had fallen short of and after that boozy evening never had the presence of mind (or possibly guts) to ask. I am consistently impressed with how younger members of our team actively seek out feedback and are resilient in the face of it. I think it’s a generational shift and flies in the face of all the rhetoric we have heard in recent years about snowflakiness. Well done you. I hope you get to love the pauses
Founder at Deep Blue Thinking
4 个月Laura you also have a real sense of enthusiasm and passion for the subject matter which most presenters would give their right arm for. Great that you’re asking for and listening to feedback but pls remember it’s about fusing this with the stuff that makes you great already rather than trying to completely reinvent the wheel. How many politicians do we see who are body language automatons and just aren’t credible as a result?! I’m sure you’ll manage to take the feedback and make it feel authentically ‘you’ PS Would highly recommend Richard Newman ‘s book ‘You were born to speak’ in this space too ????