Can the Holidays Be Purpose-Driven?

The holidays are more than a series of obligations to be endured, but an incredibly rich time to grow and deepen into your purpose. However, without bringing purposeful intention to the holidays, the gauntlet of triggers, dysfunction and distractions - racists uncles, addicts, and angry teenagers, and let’s not forget the onslaught of mindless must-see, can’t-miss invitations to consume - will make them a rough ride. Yet, it can be different. The holidays can be a powerful expression of our purpose.

At some level, your purpose is always and already present. There are times in our lives when we feel aligned, where we feel good and connected to what we are doing and the impacts of our actions. This means there is a purpose in us that is being activated and expressed.  

Perhaps your purpose feels mission-oriented, e.g., inclusion, sustainability, or relationship-driven, e.g., treating others with generosity, acceptance and compassion, or strengths-based, e.g., being honest, creative, diligent. [If you want to reconnect with or refresh your purpose, check out the Higher Purpose Starter Kit to do some purpose exercises.]

Regardless of how your purpose shows up, I invite you to reconnect with your purpose and consider that the holidays were put in your path for a powerful reason. I believe they are a rich opportunity to end each year with purpose, to connect with family friends, see the gold in our rituals, as well as to rest, enjoy and reflect.

So how does your purpose want to be expressed during the holidays? I encourage you to think of the holidays in three distinct phases:

1. PREPARATION: The period (2-5 days) before each gathering. 
2. CONNECTION: The period between Indigeneous People’s Day / Thanksgiving and Solstice / Christmas / Hanukkah.
3. REFLECTION: The period between Solstice / Christmas / Hanukkah and New Year’s Day.

During each of these phases, there is a different empowering intent that we can embrace to live our purpose more fully, and emerge refreshed, rejuvenated and fulfilled for the New Year. You don’t have to take all of this on to live your purpose, so I invite you to do just what feels fun and enlivening.

PREPARATION (before gatherings)

During preparation, you have a number of opportunities to live your purpose. First, send folks a message sharing how much you’re looking forward to being with them and ask them what would make this holiday special for them. Then work with them and others to try to make that happen. If they reciprocate the question, answer it and see if there is a way to make it work. This could include favorite or neglected rituals like singing songs, looking through family albums, games, family recipes.

Also, if gift giving is part of your holiday tradition, how can you bring forth your purpose and virtues to give deeply meaningful gifts? For me, as a big part of my purpose is growth, connection and sustainability, I have a fierce aversion to buying and giving mass produced things comprised of materials and production processes that hurt people and planet, e.g., made from plastic, metal, rare earths. I like to give people experiences and handmade items. When I have time, I like to make things out of leather, otherwise I look for handmade items in fair trade stores. What is an authentic, purpose-driven expression of gift-giving for you?

CONNECTION (during gatherings)

Connection is the phase when you are actually at the family, friend or work gathering. During this phase, there are a number of key practices to bring your purpose online. The most important is to purposefully engage in your key relationships, by setting up deeper conversations that allow you to live your purpose. When together, consider asking the group questions for everyone to answer such that they get an opportunity to share something deeper and more authentic than the default (gossip, small talk, commenting on current affairs, sports, etc.).  

When clustered around the cocktail, dining or coffee table, or en route to an affair, consider asking the group to answer questions such as:

1. What is your favorite Solstice / Christmas / Hanukkah, and why?
2. What are the core virtues of your family?
3. What was the best lesson you learned from a grandparent?
4. What is your favorite family recipe?
5. What would be your ideal family gathering?
6. What kind of holiday experience would you love to have with family?

During these conversations, you (and everyone else) will get an opportunity to share something important about your deeper truth or purpose, and you will likely feel more connected and on purpose as people start to share.

Secondly, during each gathering, make time to connect with 2-3 people individually for a private 1:1 conversation. Ask someone to run an errand with you, or to go for a walk and ask them about their lives. During these conversations, give them your full attention and listen (vs. butt in, give advice, make it about you), and acknowledge what they shared, presence what they might be feeling, and then bless them. Blessing is a forgotten and overlooked sacrament, wherein you presence someone’s commitment, acknowledge their struggle, purpose or virtues and share how much you appreciate them.

When you engage with these two practices, you’ll get to bring your purpose and virtues more fully online, and connect with the people you are closest with in a fulfilling way. It’s likely, you might be thinking “This sounds nice, but my family/community/company is a bunch of assholes who will take every opportunity to hurt me and others.” Consider that, although you may have a lot of evidence to support this sentiment, that this is a story that gives you an excuse not to live your purpose and have a typically stressful, depressing and/or unfulfilling holiday. Consider that you can create a new story that empowers you, e.g., “No matter what happens, I’m going to shine brightly and engage others with my purpose.”

I’m not saying your relationships will be instantly and permanently transformed by these practices, but they might open up something new for you about the power of putting your purpose forth, even if you don’t get the exact result you want. 

REFLECTION

During the week before New Year’s Day, there is usually very little going on. It’s a great time to rest and reflect. Make time to be alone, grab a notebook, and take stock of the previous year, being brutally honest about what worked well and did not. What were your lows and highs of the year? Then journal on each and ask yourself how it felt to experience them?  

Next, take a look at the life wheel and ask yourself what would need to shift in each key area to live your purpose more fully. This exercise gives you an idea of what success on purpose actually feels like. You might be tempted to rush out and do something big and bold, like join the gym, quit smoking, buy a juicer, enroll in a class or leave your marriage. Do not do any of these things. You will likely fail, as 80% of New Year’s Resolutions are abandoned after the 3rd month. 

Do not make any New Year’s resolutions unless you have a transformative context within which to do them. This means having an accountability partner, men’s/women’s circle or coach or personal / spiritual development program / community with which to share your goals and hold you accountable to them.

Structures like these are critical to success. We have to publicly share our goals, and have skillful partners / communities to help us create structures, hold us accountable, explore the deeper issues underneath missed targets, and empower us to try new approaches. Without an intentional structure in place there is only 20% chance you will be successful in living the next year as an expression of your purpose.

PARTING THOUGHTS

Although this might seem like a lot to take on, we are only taking on ~5 hours of additional intentional / purposeful activity. The bulk of what I shared has more to do with how you show up with others. I invite you to take on what feels fun and enlivening and let me know how it goes.

About the Author

Brandon Peele (he/him) is a Midwesterner, best-selling author, international speaker and serial impact entrepreneur.

He creates a flourishing future for the United States of America, by activating purposeful organizations and cultures of trust, inclusion and collaboration.

Over the last two decades, he has written / co-written 4 books on purpose activation. He has driven growth for several Fortune 500 and start-ups companies, and has guided thousands of people on their journey to discover and live their higher purpose.

He works with moms, dads, veterans, clergy, students and retirees, as well as world-class athletes, artists, scientists, entrepreneurs and leaders from organizations such as Johnson & Johnson, Stanford University, The United States Marine Corps, Google, The Smithsonian Institutes and Apple.