THE CAMOUFLAGED EQUALITY

My heart was beating excitedly while the nurse moved the cursor up and down in my abdomen.

I was pregnant with twins, and I was at my regular check-up. This was a special one, as I would have found out the sex of my twins.

‘ We found one” It’s a boy. I was unsurprised as I knew that one was a boy. However, I had this sense that the other was a girl.

I gazed outside the window while the cursor still wondered about its search. My thoughts were lost in the clouds when a voice brought me back to the present.

“ It’s another boy”.

I always wanted to have a little girl. But it took me a while to accept and surrender that God and the Universe had other plans for me.

At first, I felt very bitter when I saw a woman holding a girl. Envy and jealous emotions and a sense of unfairness took me each time.

However, with time I learnt to fully see the blessing of having three boys and why the reason was more significant than I could comprehend.

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Growing up, I realised that there are so many rules and misconceptions around boys’ education.

Boys are taught to be tough, not to cry to toughen up, to suppress their emotions and not act like girls.

Doesn’t this method grow boys who will be very strong and entirely not in charge of their emotions? Yes, it will.

And this is a big problem in our society.

Too many organisations protect girls' rights and ensure that girls are safe and respected by boys, but we do not see a substantial missing piece of the puzzle.

We are curing the damage, not focusing on prevention.

We must redefine a boy's education and upbringing to prevent this problem. We must educate and guide the boys to get in touch with their most vulnerable parts and express their emotions with no shame or fear.

Because the fundamental problem of aggression and destructive behaviour is often a lack of self-emotional regulation and self-awareness.

A lack of knowledge of overcoming triggering behaviours provoked by repressed emotions.

I often tell my boys to cry, to let their emotions out, and that being sad is a normal feeling that needs attention and does not need to disappear under the emotional carpet, together with other emotions classified as “ bad” or unacceptable.

We must focus on feelings and emotions and the child's identity, dreams, aspirations, visions, whatever these might be, even if they go against the “ normal” dreams and aspirations passed through generations.

The empowerment of girls we are creating often does not unite but separates.

My boy came home one day crying. I asked what the matter was, and he said that any time there is a fight or argument with a girl, the boy is at fault, and the teachers often do not even listen to the boy’s side. One woman also told me that girls at her boy's schools say that girls are like roses and boys like trash. We do not want to create an empowered world of women by diminishing men or penalising them.

We want to create a united world where boys, men and women have equal opportunities, and one elevates and supports the other.

I do not believe that eliminating years of women’s oppression will be cured by doing the same to men by putting them on the inferior scale and raising women to be superior.

Like this, we will serve the world with the same coin without breaking any cycles and using revenge as the cure.

This might sound utopic, as women are tired of this generational suppression and crave freedom and equality. But could we create freedom and equality by empowering men to rise with us?

That’s why I believe it is paramount to include men in our conversations, bring them with us, share our ideas, share our movements and stop raising tough boys.

If we keep our conversations a secret and only for certain groups, changes will not happen.

We need to spread our ideas and our opinions and discuss our differences.

Differences can unite and not separate.

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DARING REFLECTIONS

Please feel free to grab a pen and paper or discuss the questions below with friends or colleagues...

What initial thoughts and reflections come to mind when you read the article?

Do you feel anger and frustration independently of which side you stand on?

How do you think equality could happen in the modern world?

Is there anything you are doing or advocating to support these changes?

Do you believe that a radical change in boys’ and girls’ upbringing could be the solution to a more united and understanding society where we could live in harmony and create more equality?

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See you next month, daring soul.