Calling your own bluffs.

March 1st had been circled on my calendar for six weeks now.

It’s the deadline for the Toronto Star Short Story Contest.

I’ve always wanted to submit, but have always had an excuse.

This year was different - I had the time, temporarily unencumbered from the restraints of a professional schedule.

On March 1, I did not submit a story.

It does not mean I’m a bad writer. It does not mean I don’t have an interest in writing.

It does mean that I didn’t put the time and effort into achieving the goal.

I didn’t pull out my copy of Robert McKee’s Story and brush up on the fundamentals. I didn’t write two hrs a day, no matter what. I started three different stories, then got paralyzed on each after a few pages, telling myself I didn’t know the characters well enough, or I didn’t have enough structure solved. I found new excuses.

I claimed it was a priority, had the opportunity, and yet I chose to put that energy elsewhere.

Over writing, I chose to prioritize finding a new job. I chose to prioritize pushing myself in the gym. I chose to prioritize decompressing, playing chess or watching a show. I chose to prioritize learning and finding new inspiration. I chose to prioritize helping my kids with virtual schooling.

If it’s not yet clear, I don’t consider this a failure at all. In fact, the opposite. It was a lesson, a reminder of what really matters to me, good data.

Gotta call your own bluff sometimes. Play chicken with what you tell people you're going to do. See if you're really willing to put the time and effort in.

I learned that when push comes to shove, it just wasn’t as important as I’d thought. And my actions and energy prioritization are clear evidence of that. 

I did not submit a story to the Toronto Star on March 1st.

On that day I did however get the inspiring, exciting job offer that I was hoping for.

So all in all, six weeks well spent.