Calling Time: A Mark of Leadership

It's a lot easier to start something than to stop something.

Ask anyone who has invested a lot of time and effort into an endeavour, whether that's an idea that was good at the time or a relationship that was nurturing until it wasn't anymore, and they'll tell you that knowing when to "call time" is one of the hardest things to do.

A part of us just wants to keep at it for a little while longer, you know, because we think that with just a little bit more effort, surely things will turn out the way we want them to, right? Because after all, we've put so much into things already, that surely we shouldn't give up now, right?

No. Not right. In business we call this the "sunken cost fallacy". It shows up often when companies keep pursuing a strategy or solution that no longer serves them, or prolong an experimental approach that clearly isn't delivering the hoped for results. It's especially hard when you really believe in the purpose of what you're doing, or if there have been some results, but not quite the spectacular success you really do need to see to make the effort worthwhile.

But you have to know when to #KillYourDarlings.

That's as true for hopeful entrepreneurs as it is for writers. So that's why Ayal Belling and I took the decision last weekend to shut down the Intentions Dating App for good. What had started out as a side project for both of us, trying to fix some of the flaws in the superficial world that is swipe-based dating, was no longer satisfying to either of us. We'd both moved on to new challenges that were seeing more traction, and Intentions was receiving little more than end-of-life support from us. We just hadn't been able to acknowledge it to ourselves or to each other yet. Like surgeons standing over a coding patient in the operating room, we were desperately pushing epi and applying paddles hoping our patient's heart would pink up and the monitor would start tracing a rhythm again.

But it really was time to let go. And honestly, we should've done it sooner. When you hold on to something past it's time, you're robbing yourself of the opportunity to concentrate your energy on the things in your life (or business) that are working, or at least have a better chance of working. Resources are never unlimited, and you're far better off focusing your efforts than spreading them too thin.

I'm grateful for the opportunities that Intentions brought across my path. I learnt a lot about myself and running a business in what some might consider a frivolous market segment. Being hopeful about finding connection and happiness is not frivolous, if you ask me. It's quite an integral part of finding fulfillment as human beings. And that's part of why we had to let Intentions go. If we couldn't do this properly anymore, we were not serving our hopeful customers with integrity. There is nothing worse than signing up for a new dating app with some renewed hope in your heart, only to be disappointed yet again.

I walk away from Intentions feeling satisfied that I was brave enough to try something new and different, and that I was willing to become the face of this creation in a very public way. That was a big step for me. And now, as we pull the plug, I feel that Intentions has made me a better leader.

For leadership often comes down to moments like this -- knowing when to make the tough calls and having the courage to make them, and then shouldering the responsibility for those decisions and their consequences.

Here's to making those decisions even more intentionally in the future!

P.S. We think we built a pretty great piece of software, and that the right team might be able to take it to new heights. Interested? Drop me a note!