Call Me By My Correct Name!

What's in a name?

Recognition and respect.

Our names are one of the few things that are completely ours, even though others may have the same name. Ancestors may have changed their names in order to "fit in" with our American (European?) norms and culture. Officers at Ellis Island may have misspelled, or more likely written what was easier for them to spell, when immigrants stepped off ships that brought them to this country. Enslavers often did not even record names; they just numbered the people whom they considered property. Some of you reading this may have changed your name due to family dynamics, gender identity, or simply because you wanted a different name.

Whatever name with which you now identify, I make a bold assumption: that you would like people to (1) use the name you want used, and (2) want it said and pronounced correctly. If you choose to share a preferred nickname, that's your choice, not ours to impose on you for our convenience.

Where's all this coming from? Three recent points of awareness for me. And if you value establishing true, honest connection with the people you lead, keep reading.

First: While the situation stood long before Covid-19 social isolation, now that we're back to in-person workplaces and events it seems we've forgotten some basics of showing respect to each other. People tell us their names, yet without seeing them on Zoom screens we tend to miss full and correct pronounciation the first time around ... especially in international interactions. As a public speaker I regularly meet hundreds of people, and in the Washington DC area where I'm based my cultural exposure is broad. I share these three actions I take as suggestions for you.

(1) Be present and look directly at a person so that you see their face when they say their name. (2) Immediately repeat what you hear; don't be afraid to admit that you didn't quite catch their correct pronunciation (if true) and ask them to say their name again so you are sure you will say it correctly. (3) Repeat their name, with a smile and acknowledgment after they do so. I 97% guarantee that this transaction results in appreciation and greater connection in the short time it takes.

Second: I recently read an article that reminded me of how important it is to be intentional with names, especially as business owners, managers/supervisors, and community leaders. Read it HERE .

Third: Reading the above article and hearing from some of my clients' employees about how they feel disrespected by colleagues wanting to shorten or anglicize their names took me back to a seminal incident I experienced many years ago.

During a workshop introduction, a woman stood and said her ethnically-based multi-syllable name very fast with an accent my co-facilitator and I found difficult to understand. My partner, in an attempt at lightness and humor, asked if we could call her by a much-shortened nickname. This woman adamantly said, "No! You will call me by my full first name," and she enunciated each syllable of her name. The whole class was stunned by her emphatic correctionand insistence that we say her name correctly, yet we quickly learned how important it was to do so ... not just for her, but for anyone. We received an on-the-spot DEI lesson long before we understood what it means! I've never forgotten, and to this day I say her name correctly every time I see her (which is fairly often).

As leaders - and even just plain humans connecting with others - we must be aware of the ways in which we demonstrate respect for each other. One of the first ways to recognize and honor another person is by using their name ... the name they share with us and the way they ask us to say it. Be intentional and vigilent in doing so. Isn't that what you want, in return?

Think about it! Please share this writing with leaders you know and "follow" me to receive regular issues of this Leadertorial. I appreciate you for your attention to reading and sharing my messages.

Sylvia