Button Pushing: Why its the key to success at work and home

What is button pushing anyway? We use the term often – how many of us have said that our kids (or spouses or partners or coworkers) really know how to "push our buttons"? But what are those buttons, and what happens when they’re pushed? And, most important, how can we work toward changing our reactions to them?

A button is something that gets you angry or upset, or causes a reaction in you that doesn’t feel very good.?If I say or do something and it makes you feel badly, you have a button and I just pushed it. I didn’t create it, I only pushed it.

?Button pushing is ALL ABOUT YOU - it’s very personal! No one can make you feel anything – what people say and do is about them – and how you react is completely about you. It’s very important to recognize that NO ONE CAN PUSH A BUTTON THAT DOES NOT ALREADY EXIST.

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Let’s take a look at a situation in which someone’s button is pushed. Sally, Jane, and Patrick are in a meeting, having a discussion about a new procedure to be implemented in the company. During the course of the meeting, Sally continually interrupts Jane and Patrick as soon as they begin to speak. Jane responds by kindly but firmly telling Sally that she’s not finished with her thought yet. Patrick doesn’t say anything for a while, then eventually explodes, yelling at Sally about how rude she is.?

?Button pushing involves reacting to the interpretation of what’s happening, not the actual event, which means nothing in and of itself.

Lets break it down:

1) Sally pressed a button of Patrick’s, and he reacted.

2) Patrick took Sally’s interruptions very personally, based on his past experiences and what he interpreted her actions to mean. Maybe he felt that her interruptions meant that Sally didn’t think his opinions were of value. If at his core he believes that he isn’t important or worth listening to, then it’s understandable that he would strongly react based on this interpretation.

3) Jane, in contrast, responded objectively and appropriately because she didn’t take it personally. (But Jane, like all of us, likely has other buttons that would cause her to react in different circumstances).

?So how do you learn to respond objectively instead of taking things personally and reacting emotionally?

First – stop and take a deep breath.

• Ask yourself some questions – am I acting appropriately?
• What else may really be going on here?
• What did I take it to mean (about me)?
• What is my button?

Then, knowing this, ask yourself:

• How you like would to handle the situation should it come up again?
• What you could do differently the next time?

Instead of blaming another person for pressing our buttons, why not thank them for opportunity to understand ourselves better, and for the chance to grow and learn?

Bringing buttons and interpretations into awareness is an important part of The Babcock Method? because without the insight as to how they effect you, you will never be able to tap into your true potential.

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In the next few issues of the The Babcock Method newsletter, we’ll take a look at the characteristics of successful, effective and respected leaders to show you how you can become the leader that you want to be, regardless of your industry or title.