The Butterfly Effect of Saying I
It amazes me how very small observations reveals very much about human behavior.
A story first to explain what I mean.
A man whom I knew recently insisted on going together for lunch. We did.
The man told the waiter that I need so and so. He asked the same order for the two of us.
Soon after the man stood up saying that, he needed to go the bathroom. Seconds later the waiter came with the bill, which I paid for. It became obvious the man saw the waiter arriving with the bill and he ran away to the bathroom to avoid paying the bill.
People who keep using I such as I did it, found out, I alerted, I prepared, I wrote and the list goes on.
Those people want everything for themselves. The only thing they want for others is to cover their costs.
They want you to visit them when they are ill, but never do if you are.
If you travel with them, they insist on going to places they want with no interest of what others want.
The only thing they excel at is what is in it for me.
Small observations reveal huge unlikeable behaviors.
To say I want repeatedly is disrespect to others.
How do you deal with these people?
Author: Writer of stories about consulting, leading, and living wisely and songs about joy and woe
1 年Brother Ali This man is not your friend. Don't pay. When he returns from the bathroom say, "While you were away the bill arrived, I suggest we split it -put two cards down, or pay with cash. A member of my family would always used to sit on his wallet. Everyone in the family complained privately. I confronted him privately. "It appears that you want others to pay for you." "NO he said they expect me to pay for them so I refuse to do that." I sugessted we make a rule that we always split the bill evenly, regardless of who had what. "That is easier for the server and easier for us. Any small differences will come out in the wash." It hasn't been a problem since. With "friends" -if they won't pay their share I refuse their invitation. Sometimes a friend cannot pay for a fancy meal or a big vacation. One of the group might agree to pay for that person once or twice, but it isn't a sustainable practice so the group will either pick less expensive places to go or not include thst person. Hard choices.
Risk Management Leader on the NEOM SINDALAH ISLAND Giga Project l Compliance and Tax Leader l Risk Advisor l FIFA World Cup 2022 PMO Risk and Compliance Consultant
1 年Self -centeredness/ narcissism simply has no redeeming qualities. Such "I-Specialists" who also seem to love the sound of their own voices are best avoided. Abraham Lincoln: " Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt" Ali Anani, PhD
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1 年Who am I? Who are you? How do we meet? Is sharing part of who you are? It's part of who I am and one of the things I value. What do you think about? Without exchange, there is only reporting. Reporting is usually one-sided. With exchange, there is the possibility of sharing and sparking new ideas. In this way, both people learn and grow. If this exchange and sharing don't exist, I lose interest in spending more time on the relationship.
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1 年Two trails of thoughts came up for me reading your piece and the comments, Ali Anani, The first was relates to "I". Some people use "we" rather than "I" when they describe some thinking or doing. The problem with this is that it indicates that this kind of thinking or doing is universal or at least common. If it doesn't apply to the listener/reader, it can undermine the relationship, trustworthiness, and/or the inclination to relate to what is otherwise said/written. (Not to mention that at least I am not very good at listening if I at the same time am pondering whether I am actually doing or thinking as described.) So using "I" can just be not wanting to speak - or appear to speak - for anybody else. The second relates to Narcissus whose self love is already mentioned in other comments. Another version can be the consequence of severe bullying or trauma, where the first thought for this person is always whether they are safe. And because of PTSD, the answer is normally no. When the brain functions in survival mode, we - and that IS universal - are not able to be empathetic. That doesn't minimize the impact on others - it is still draining to be around - but if we know the story, we can still aim for empathy.