Busting some common myths of success!!

I do a lot of community engagement and volunteering for Lean In and IronLady. These women empowerment initiatives and work conversations give me ample opportunity to interact and help thousands of people. In most conversations, I find that people want to improve their lives – work/partner/skills/health/family.

 My take is that the power of improvement is within us. As I speak to people across different industries and career levels I’ve found that some common myths stand between them and their ambitions:

• High Educational Pedigree is a must for success.
• Physical Appearance is the major game-changer.
• Inherent Capabilities define your destiny.
• You are born into a value system and your reach is defined by it.

If you are not from a premium B-School; you are not the smartest salesperson in the room or not the most handsome man or woman, do you still have a fair chance in life despite all the worthy competition around?

This got me thinking and reading. I looked hard at my own life and pondered on own experiences to find that -

I was a dyslexic child, with great difficulty in reading and writing in junior school, yet I have done very well in life

As a 4-5-year-old kid, all mirror images were a nightmare for me. And teaching me was a nightmare for the teachers. I had no means of differentiating between ‘b’ or 'd’/ ‘<’ or ‘>’ or numerator and denominator. They looked the same to me. Just like “Ishaan’ of ‘Taare Zameen Par”.

Basic counting and learning spellings were like climbing Mount Everest for the entire family. One by one everybody gave up on me. But I always felt quite intellectual and so did my Dad. He is my superhero. His name is Mr. Dinesh Mohan Gupta. One day he asked me to sit on his back. I had a nice ride around the house on his back. Then he told me that it’s my turn to carry him around. I started pleading saying I would get crushed with his weight. And with that, he introduced the concept of ‘denominator’ to me. He said he is bigger and heavier than me. His name is Dinesh so ‘D’ will always be down and since Neha ‘N’ is lighter cannot carry D she will always sit on top of D. Whoola! It was done. I had understood the concept. After that day we had a fun analogy of every mirror image.

To date, I make parallel analogies and take a frame of reference to things that I understand. Plus, I always look for a learning buddy whom I can trust. It really accelerates my learning. I have troubled many friends and I am grateful to them for bearing with my endless questions and parallels. I am a civil engineer with a huge interest in real estate. I was struggling with the concept of ‘Cloud’ and the buzz around it. So with @Apurva, I learned the entire ‘Cloud Sales’ IAAS, PAAS, and SAAS as a real estate project-

IAAS - Infrastructure as Service – Barebone rented apartment

PAAS - Platform as Service– Semi-furnished rented apartment

SAAS - Software as Service– Fully furnished Service apartment

For learning security, my buddy is @Agnidipta. He takes everything in security to my kitchen and movies. BCP runs a parallel to the maid’s backup planning and Deep Security runs a parallel to a Fort's security during wartime. Together we were able to crack the security plan for CMS IT Services. It was super fun and enriching.

I don’t have a fat degree and I don’t write the best emails, still, I get 100% repeat business from all my clients and partners. Most of my old bosses call me to work in their teams. I was not the prettiest girl in college, but I married the boy of my choice

My experience says it is not your intellect or your background alone that will pull opportunities towards you. If people can put their trust in you and you can deliver, it creates a loop of repeat. 

Let me explain this with a few examples. We are conditioned to think that if we get a Medical seat; we are all set in life. But, strangely, only a few doctors get all the patients. The same holds good for restaurants and even sales professionals. Few people struggle with nos. and on the other hand, some representatives are called by the client again and again. The common thread between the market domination, highly popular doctors, or highly popular restaurants or highly popular sales rep is the trust element. For, stellar success the sales and marketing efforts have to be backed by credentials, word of mouth, quality and service mindset. Credentials are easy. It starts with certifications, endorsements, the college you went to or references you carry.

But I never went to a B - school. On the day of my CAT exam, I was engaged. What got me ahead was my point of view and my dare to share it. I had a point of view about the customer’s business, their competitive strategy, their competitive advantage, and I shared that view. It built my credibility.

The same is true in every other relationship. I found that if I have an authentic viewpoint or insight and I dare to share it, it puts the spotlight on me and builds the trust instantly. It worked with boys and it worked at home as well ??. To build my credibility I had to do a fair amount of preparation, get deep into things and learn others and their priorities and worries. I realized that everyone was looking for clues that they can see or hear to build this part of a trust. Once I establish credibility, I was able to cross the gating criteria and come into the circle of trust.

 To stay in the circle of trust I needed Reliability by my side. For that, I had to keep my commitments consistent. I said what I could do and I did what I said. Neither over-delivered nor under-delivered. I do not over-deliver – not because I don’t want to but because I commit the best possible result in the first place. Just the right portion size of commitment delivered each time, built reliability in my every relationship.

Proactive communication and setting the expectations right saved a lot of reliability issues and firefighting. Also, I had a lot of depth and meaning in every relationship. People had emotional security with me to be open and vulnerable. They shared their problems and aspirations with me. Intimacy is a magical space but I had to deal with it with the utmost empathy and active listening. The more I invest in building this block, the better my relationships become.

I don’t have the most conducive personal conditions to pursue my career or study further. And these constraints have always acted as my propeller rather than restraints.

I have a very traditional Marwadi joint family. It was easy for me to blame them for all the roadblocks??. My real progress happened when I understood that they were not the real blocks in my progress. I had to get comfortable in my own skin. I had to let go of self-doubts. I was too focused only on my problems or busy pushing my agenda too heavily. Due to that, others around me were feeling the extra hard push and it was diminishing the bond.

The more giving I became, the more hearts it opened. It was like watering the roots of the relationship. The tree with well-watered roots bore the finest fruits. The moment I started to understand them before being understood, my relationships blossomed. They all became my finest allies.

With the mindset of watering first - I have built multiple learning communities and gained immense business insights through peer-to-peer mentoring. No B-School could ever have given me so many case studies.

So, to blossom your personal or professional relationships - build your personal brand, share your viewpoint, always keep your words and communication channels open, build the bond of emotional security. Last, but not least–think about others first. If you are willing to be vulnerable and take little exposure, the trust will work in your favor. This is what has worked for me so far. It’s a magnet that pulls a lot of good things. This has been my secret code and I think it will be my guiding factor in the future irrespective of the circumstance.

PS: I found resources from Mr. Charles H. Green in his book Trusted Advisor very useful. Thanks to @Harvinder Singh Minhas for introducing me to this book. I live by this philosophy and will share more analytical stuff in the next article.