Busting Self Doubt

Self-doubt often comes when we are faced with a challenge, something new we’ve never done before (a new role or responsibility, a new business, a new relationship, parenthood, etc.) or something we have done that carries a barrage of negative or limiting beliefs for us.

Aside from being a negative thought process, self-doubt is not really a thing in itself at all, rather it’s a lack of something vital to our success and happiness, and that is self-confidence. Confidence literally means ‘with trust or faith’. So, self-doubt affects people when they have little or no faith in themselves with respect to the area/s they feel challenged most.

If we trace self-doubt back to its roots, the lack of faith or self-trust, all signs point to fear. Fear of what? Failure, embarrassment, criticism, scrutiny, judgment, loss of status, shall I go on? Fear is almost always self-imposed, and it’s the biggest obstacle we put in our way to achieving, doing or being what we want.

There are varying degrees of self-doubt and a variety of different consequences, from affecting our productivity at work to impairing one’s ability to have close, fulfilling relationships. As a result, self-doubt slowly siphons away our level of fulfillment in life. The more common effects of self-doubt and fear of failure are frustration, stress, worry, anxiety, loneliness and ultimately despair.

The result of too much self-doubt is usually that we give in to fear and give up. When we give up, we chip away at our remaining self-confidence and give ourselves another reference point for the future not to believe in ourselves. When that happens, we can begin to avoid challenges altogether. We stop considering our dreams and desires and try to make peace with our lives as they are.

Making peace with our lives sounds like a good thing – after all, acceptance is key to finding inner peace. However, this isn’t genuine acceptance, it’s complacence. Complacency isn’t living – it crushes our spirit and takes the passion and joy right out of life.

“My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure.” ~Abraham Lincoln

In order to avoid the pain and frustration of self-doubt, we take defensive stances with others, telling them: “I am what I am….I know myself….I can’t do that…I won’t do that…That’s not for me….I’m not a leader….I’m not a public speaker…I’m not cut out for relationships….etc.” We cut ourselves off from doing anything we fear or perceive as a challenge. Yet all along there is a part of us that years for something better but we deny ourselves from even considering it, all because we lacked self-confidence.