The Business Value of Contrition

I'll try my best to communicate something about contrition that I think is very valuable. We always talk about how important it is to be contrite and own up to your actions, to take responsibility for what you've done. This defines your character and all those very important things.

However, there is also incredible professional value to being contrite and admitting you've made a mistake. It basically keeps you in the game with your business partners, your managers and your co-workers. If you make a mistake that is significant, yes, it can get you fired and your professional reputation will suffer. However, it's nothing compared to the consequence of lying or trying to cover up some mistake you may have made. When you do that, it only makes matters worse.

To discuss in more detail, I recently worked with a longtime associate of mine who is a VP of Engineering here in Austin. He had an opening for a Sr. Software Engineer and he asked my team to work on this position. We found a candidate that was interested in the position and I had a qualifying call with the candidate and and then submitted the resume to the VP. Check out this exchange we had and my replies...

Hiring Manager -  Mark, just finished up the call with Alan. Things went pretty well but I did have a couple of questions for you. When you originally submitted him, you didn't mention anything about his current employment status. He told me over the phone that he was no longer working at *****. Were you aware of that?

Me - You know, Michael, I was and my apologies for not mentioning that. I knew he was in the process of separating from his employer but wasn't officially out the door. He's a great software engineer and while I don't know the circumstances of his departure, I was mostly focusing on getting him in front of you. But all this said, I should have mentioned this to you. I'm sorry about this.

Hiring Manager - No problem. Okay, when we were talking, he said that you talked with him about the role but he didn't see the job description. Have you sent it over to him yet?

Me - I'm sorry Michael but no, I haven't. I'll do so the minute I get off the phone. No excuses on this but yesterday was pretty hectic and I didn't forward it to him. I gave him a detailed description of your background and my history with you so he knew going in that this was a senior role. And he was aware that this role was Java as well as working with Spark but as for the particulars, he doesn't have them yet. I'll get them to you now.

Hiring Manager - Not a problem and if you can get that out to him, that would be great. One last thing. Did you tell him anything about us? What we do? He mentioned not really knowing anything about us. Just wanted to ask.

Me -  Hey Michael, at the risk of sounding like a broken record, my apologies again but no I didn't. Now, in full disclosure, I told him your company's name and did say that your business model was a hybrid of services/consulting and product development. And I did assume he would look your firm up on the internet but no, I did not give him a specific breakdown of your products and services. No excuses and I'll get all of this cleaned up. For now, I'm happy to hear that the call went well and I'll get Alan caught up on everything by cob tomorrow. Thanks again for talking with him and I look forward to seeing where this goes.

How about that for a start of the interview process huh? I mean, three big mistakes on my end and what did I do? I admitted fault on all of them, apologized for the mistake and offered a brief explanation. Yes, in private, my client was probably a little disappointed but herein lies the business value of contrition. It was a mistake and now we're moving on. The picture is still clear and I'll try to expand on that a bit.

When you work for somebody and report to them, you never want to have a cluttered or foggy picture. If you make a mistake and apologize for it, the situation is resolved and the picture is still clear. They still think you are a good software engineer, a good recruiter or Data Scientist. However, if you try to cover it up, avoid blame or even lie, the picture becomes cloudy and that is very toxic for the office and your working environment. Worst part, it all comes back to you. The cloud is hanging over you. For instance, let me take one of these examples above and let's write it again where I try to cover myself and deflect the blame. How about the example above where the hiring manager asked if I had gotten the job description over to the candidate?

Here goes my attempt to cover it up:

Answer: Actually yes, Michael, I did get the job description over to him early this morning. It was on the same thread that I confirmed the phone call with you so perhaps he didn't see it? Either way, I'll check with him right now and ask him to look back at that note.

Then, I hang up the phone, hustle over to the candidate and email the job description to him so he can see it and then play "cover up" and hope this situation doesn't repeat itself. Yes, maybe I get away with it but please believe me when I say that the picture is now cloudy. My hiring manager is a very intelligent individual and he is left with the following conclusions:

1. Okay, the job description was mailed out but the candidate didn't see it

2. Or, Mark is lying and he didn't get it out. On the call, the candidate mentioned that he had not seen the job description yet but Mark says he got it out? I guess I can let this slide because it is a minor issue but I just got conflicting stories from the candidate and the recruiter.

Remember everyone, lying is never good. It's never good in our personal lives and it can really hurt us in our professional lives. The softer version is a lying is "covering up" and it's done a lot in the recruiting business and recruiters are really good at it. They can cover up little slips in the process and keep everything moving forward. But in the whole picture, it damages the relationship you have with the client and it can really undermine your service offering.

So, if you make a mistake in the process, the best thing you can do is admit the mistake, apologize and move on. Bygones are bygones but remember, from the business standpoint, the picture is still clear. You made the mistake but admitted to it and things can continue moving at the same pace as before. Remember, if you try to cover up your mistake, you cloud that picture and you hinder its movement forward. All I can say is keep it clear. Your boss and client will still think the same of you if you can admit to your mistake and apologize.

What this can mean for a Software Engineer -

This can be difficult in the Software Engineering profession because if you make a mistake and even admit to it, you can get fired for it. The work that engineers do and their timelines are so critical that if you mess up, you can be terminated. I've seen it happen many times. Now, software engineers are smart people and with smart people, there is sometimes the struggle to admit fault and some of their brilliance can go into an effort to protect themselves and cover things up. But recently, we worked with a software engineer who was looking and when I saw his resume, I realized that his engineering manager was someone I was close with. I reached out to the manager and here is what he had to say:

Mark, nice guy and we liked him. He went too far out on his own on a project and made a critical mistake and we had to let him go. He admitted to it and there were no bad feelings. He would be a good hire someplace else but since he is just a few years out of school, he needs to be in an environment where he has a technical lead who can keep a close watch on him. Can you possibly help him out?

This is very significant everyone. This engineer was fired because of a mistake he made. I mean it was a big one. But hey, how about this endorsement? Notice the clarity in it? The manager, while having to let this engineer go, still stood by him and was willing to endorse him. Trust me, many times, I have had engineers let go from companies and there is no endorsement from their managers. Yes, they may have made some mistakes but along with those mistakes, if you ask me, the failure to accept fault was the most damaging element and it really hindered their job search going forward. There was a "question mark" above their head when they were applying to companies. Well, when you admit to your mistakes and apologize, the question mark is removed. It's a clear picture.

Especially when you work in a services oriented business, you must be ready to admit to your mistakes and apologize for them. It keeps your relationship in tact. If it helps at all, every single day at work as a recruiter, I am making mistakes. Little small ones like I am not uploading a resume properly into the Applicant Tracking System. I get the time zones confused for a phone interview. I don't go over all the details of a company before the candidate speaks with them. And guess what? I apologize for all of it! It's all on me! And you know what, despite all the mistakes I'm making, business is humming right along and our clients think very highly of us. If there is a mistake that is made, we the recruiting firm are ready to accept responsibility for it.

What Does This Mean for the Young Software Engineer?

If you are under 30 and are working for someone like a Gordon McKinney, Shelly Carpenter, Norman Richards or Shannon Scott, you will be held to a very high standard. When you go about your day as a developer there will be all these small little things that you must do very well. And you might think they aren't watching you but trust me, they are. It's odd but they can watch you without even watching you. How can contrition build a strong relationship with these leaders? Whatever little thing that goes wrong, put it on you.

"Hey Gordon, I'm sorry but that was my bad. I'll fix it right now"

"Hey Shannon, that was me and I'm on it now"

"Oh Shelly, that was me...Sorry about this and fixing it now"

Even if it isn't entirely your fault, take responsibility for it. Trust me. It will make you a better engineer. You will have this crystal clear relationship with these elite developers. It will drive you to perfection. All the small things that other developers let slide by, it won't get past you and it will make you the absolute best engineer you can be. Over time, you'll be seen as the engineer who takes all the blame and none of the credit and in a really weird contrarian way, this is awesome! Trust me, all these elite managers and engineers love developers like this. This sort of mentality can take up to 8-10 years to develop but hey, when you are in your 20's, you have all the time in the world. It's about building your professional foundation and you will be solid as a rock with this mindset.

Contrition is a beautiful thing. It keeps your relationships intact and it drives you to excellence. The word "excuse" over the course of 3-5 years, will disappear from your vocabulary.

Thanks,

Mark Cunningham

www.thebiddingnetwork.com