'The Business of People: A Lost Art'

A few years ago, I got a friend request from an old friend I’ll call ‘Carey’. She and I met via a freelance gig I had in my late 20s, writing copy for a large healthcare system in the New York area.

Carey was tall, slim, stylish, and made a lot of money working in the print industry. She was also newly married and had a baby. While I was stumbling through my early career and dating life, she seemed to have it all. 

We became friends and met up a few times for drinks and workout classes at the hot fitness clubs in NYC (not in that order). I really admired her and hoped one day I’d be as successful as she was. I’m not sure how we lost touch, but we did. Just one of those things.

It had been about 12 years when I saw her friend request pop up on my Facebook account, and I was delighted. I wondered how she was and what she was up to. And I couldn’t wait to share with her how I’d achieved some of the dreams that we’d discussed way back then! I always valued her opinion and was thrilled she wanted to be back in touch.  

I accepted her friend request and immediately wrote her, saying it was SO good to hear from her. I wanted to know how she was doing and couldn’t wait to catch up.

Her immediate reply cut to the chase: She had left the print industry, joined up with a new direct-sales skincare company, and wanted to talk about how I could promote it to my audience as soon as possible.

(Yes... she actually worded it that way.)

I sat with it for a minute, floored. 

This was her first note to me after 12 YEARS.

Carey didn’t give a s--- about how I was. 

She was just in it to win it. 

And I was the next one down her list. 

After sitting with it for a day, considering whether to just ignore her or reply, I decided to write back. 

‘Hi Carey. Congrats on your new venture. I have to say I’m disappointed that’s the reason you’re writing, as I was looking forward to reconnecting after all these years. If that is truly why you’re reaching out, I’d prefer not to be in touch. Thanks’

She wrote back still focused on her target, and it was sadly obvious this was not about catching up. I stopped responding, and we left it at that. 

Listen, I’m sure Carey had just gotten back from some giant company motivational conference where they get so fired up on the virtual brand crack that they run out the door and start dialing their friends and family. (We’ve all seen it.) 

They forget that perhaps they should first ask, ‘Hello, how have you been?’ Or maybe something like ‘So great to reconnect! I’ve had a lot of life and career changes, and it looks like you have as well. Can we schedule a few minutes to catch up on the phone?’

I would have gladly said yes, and who knows where that could have led. 

While that incident still stands out in my mind, I see this happening now at every level every day.

It’s as if when it comes to business, we forget we are all people. 

Maybe I see this all differently than some, but I feel it’s critical you should try to ‘meet people where they are at’ when you are seeking assistance or going after a sale. See how you can help the other person while you seek help yourself. 

If this is a foreign concept to you, at the very least try feigning some interest in your prospects as people, especially when you are trying to achieve a goal. You may find you'll actually become interested during the process.

A few years ago, on my Glambition? Radio podcast, I interviewed consultant Judy Robinett about her book How to Be a Power Connector. She recommends you ask three questions when you’ve made a connection, and the last one really affirmed my perspective. It is simply, ‘How can I support you?’ 

Even before reading her book, I understood the rule of reciprocity. And I have to say even today when I say those words, people are often surprised and delighted. Even leaders at high levels whom you can't imagine would really care.

Sometimes they’ll then ask if I can make a connection to someone who’s been on my show, or help them locate a best resource for a particular need, or simply ask if I could share a post about their latest book or other campaign. I’m usually happy to. And if it’s something I can’t do, I explain why, and usually offer up an alternative.

From that point on, something magical happens. They consider me a colleague and someone they refer others to in the future. 

This stuff isn’t that hard. 

But it will change your life.

And your business.

In the midst of everything going on right now, I see more people forgetting this than ever before. Reciprocity has ironically become a unique, nearly 'renegade' strategy.

At this time of transactional events and reactive business strategy, the business of people seems to be a dying art.

>>> Question: In the state of current events, do you think the business of people is getting worse? Or better? Examples? Please share your perspective and join our conversation here in the comments.