Is the business a family?

I am not referring to small family businesses where all the employees are from the same family. We remember many business shows TV and media articles where the proud owner or CEO mentioned among the secret ingredients that led to the success of the company:

"We are like one big family in the company!"

I myself have had employee groups in several companies, but I never said anything like that. While I hoped the employees would get along well with each other and with me, we never "trusted" the relationships and roles of the employees. No mature lady staff member was a "mother" to her colleagues because of her experience, age, and forbearance. Nor was I a father to them, even though they may have called me the "old man" behind my back. Otherwise, even internationally, we generally had a fairly loose hierarchy structure and fairly informal relationships with each other.

The desire of the entrepreneur/owner/manager is not necessarily to establish some kind of family relationship in the company. He/she desires such relationships that do not lead to conflict and that result in employees truly being co-workers who help each other accomplish tasks when needed and are not just "colleagues on shift." Therefore, he/she tries to instill family spirit, expectations, and relationships in the employees as such a concept is close to everyone and understandable.

As long as a few co-workers get along well, sometimes go out for drinks, play sports, or even have a weekend off together, while the others are not pushed away, underestimated, or taken advantage of, until then everything is fine. However, when that group becomes an influential clique, it needs to be neutralized. I myself have never gone on vacation with my co-workers. But very so often, daily, I would have a coffee or a drink with anyone of the co-workers to make it easier for them to tell what was on their minds.

However, I am retained of mixing and intertwining the terms "family" and "company". No doubt, every manager of business owner wants to be surrounded by happy, reliable and loyal employees. But employees, no matter of their number, are not family. They cannot be and they should not be. Well, if a private business is a family business, then at least one family is very involved and intertwined with the business, for them the business is part of the family, and all the worries and problems are also reflected in the relationships between family members. Too long working days and business trips also mean long absences from the family and far too little time to devote to the family and to watch the children grow up, help with their education and socialize at weekends and during holidays.

A business cannot replace a family, however attractive it may be to the manager or owner, and that is even less true for the employees of the business. By the way - I always insist that the term employee be replaced with co-worker.

Employees/co-workers deserve to belong to their own family and not be integrated into the company by accepting the philosophy "we are one big family". Generally, employees/co-workers have their own families. The employer is the one who should at least not hinder, but rather help and guide a little so that when employees leave work, they can spend quality time with their families or spend their free time in other ways.

Unfortunately, it is all too often the case that employers try to retain employees (not co-workers) as much as possible with their skewed understanding of the company and family. This gives them a sense of their own security and the perpetuity of the company. If a business owner even sincerely believes this, he may be deeply disappointed when someone, especially in an important position, leaves the company. Quite like a son who was considered an heir, he moved out of his father's house where he had set up a flat for him.

The furnishing of the company's premises, where employees can find a place to relax, for example, with fitness equipment, a ping-pong table, a table football... a small kitchen, the possibility to prepare a small meal, a place to rest and even take a short nap after lunch (in the sun), all this creates a "family" atmosphere in the company, but is it only useful and right? It's convenient, no doubt about it... Let the employee (deliberately avoiding the word co-worker) relax only in the breaks in the company to be productive and to be able to extend the working day constantly.

Perhaps by doing this, the manager is communicating more than it appears, not only: we are a family, but also that he does not respect the private boundaries of employees. The lines between family and work relationships are dangerously blurred. It is not necessary, or at all, for an co-worker expects the same warmth from the manager as he does in his own family, which forgives him even major mistakes; the family does not judge whether he has done enough and does not punish him for any negligence. What about the company, will it forgive all clumsiness and negligence?

The family is actually eternal and survives many things, while businesses usually have a temporary existence. The more resilient and healthy businesses give some co-workers most memorable experiences, such as marriage, birth of children, illness and even death.

At that time perception of the company may be very family related. When employees decades ago used to tie their lifetime careers to just one company, even their first employer, their fate was closely tied to the company. With such a financially dependent relationship, we might really be able to talk about a "family" connection. Today, employers are changed faster or. the fluctuation is even faster than on average every 4 years, the younger generations no longer feel such a strong commitment to the company. (I have 22K contacts on LI and every day I get a dozens of notifications about new jobs or changing jobs of my contact persons…). Technology, constant accessibility due to technology, gradual burnout, growing neoliberal individualism, and working from home certainly reduce an employee’s loyalty to the company, let alone enhance loyalty.

The fact that we call co-workers "my team"", or, even better, "our team", instead of "family", seems much more appropriate to me. If someone is a member of ?the family?, he should not refuse a co-worker’s request to replace him one evening, maybe even to work on the weekend when it seems outmost necessary, or to go on an urgent business trip, regardless of the awkward fact that his daughter has ballet performance, his son first match in a new team or wedding anniversary himself. In such a "family" it is necessary to adapt to other members also with collective leave or on duty during it. Family coexistence is more important than individual needs and expectations. But is such sacryfizing often unavoidable and necessary? However, young co-workers find it difficult to accept this.

So how to build a co-workers team that is committed, respected and successful? Among other things, by paying attention to each member of the team, with conversations, small attentions, compliments, unexpected (though small) rewards, and with thoughtful, individually tailored rewards.