Business etiquette rules high performers forget

At work we often have to remind ourselves that “it’s not personal-- it’s business.” And it’s no coincidence that the people who are best at running a business and managing profit and loss are usually the ones who are least concerned with peoples’ feelings. 

But as you get near the top of companies, you’ll notice that most of senior management has stellar interpersonal skills. The Harvard Business Review routinely touts social skills as the differentiator between senior managers with staying power and senior managers who fail. And if you are looking for a study guide for developing those skills, you should probably look at a book of business etiquette. Because business etiquette is about making people feel comfortable. We all get our best work done when we feel comfortable.

Surely you know a lot of rules of business etiquette: “write thank you notes,” “don’t burn bridges,” and never use a ‘Reply to all’ email response.” But here are the three most frequently overlooked rules of business etiquette, absolutely essential to understand so you can gain power and influence through kindness.

1. Forget about your IQ.

We all go through school being rated on how smart we are. We are ranked, tested, scolded, and sorted based on how smart teachers think we are. And then we move into the workplace thinking that our IQ will be what people care about most. But really, the workplace is all about office politics. Which is good. Because office politics is about being nice. And so is business etiquette—it’s all about being nice. So the most important lesson to learn about business etiquette is when you enter the workforce, understand that you will be ranked, tested, scolded and sorted based on how much people like you. Leave your SAT scores and gold stars at home on your mom's refrigerator.

1. Communicate the way other people want you to.

We each have a preference about how we like to communicate. Some people like organized, written communication. Some people like free-for-all discussions—it helps to sort out what they are thinking. Some people are big-picture thinkers and some people are great with the details. The goal of business etiquette is to make other people feel comfortable, and the more you know about communication, the more comfortable people will feel talking with you. For starters, find out your own preferences for communication by taking a personality test. We are each born with preferences--they don't change. And once you understand communication preferences for yourself, then you can start understanding your co-workers, who each fall under one of 16 personality types. If business etiquette is the secret path to success, personality type is the road map to get there.

1. Choose who you work with carefully.

Of course you have control over who you work with. There are illegal drug rings all over the state you live in. They are hiring. They pay well. Are you taking a job there? Of course not! Because, if nothing else, you don't want to work with people who might shoot you. So you turn down good jobs all the time because you have standards for who you work with. Once you admit that you control who you work with, then you can start thinking about what your standards are. And then raise them, with particular attention to who is great at business etiquette. Because business etiquette is what gets people ahead in the world, and if you surround yourself with winners you are more likely to become one yourself.

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