Business Development: 12 Rules for Relationships

I recently watched a couple of videos by renowned Sex Therapist Esther Perel who has turned her academic interest to how relationships impact work and why "soft skills" are critical to success. She suggests "soft skills" as a term undervalues the building, nurturing and repairing of relationships that is so vital in productive, creative and high performing workplaces.

So first let's explore this is general, then in a BD context. Everyone with experience in the workforce has seen, felt or suffered from relational problems. Bullying, cliques and backstabbing cause personal hurt and as a manager you can see a perfectly good project go to bits if individuals fail to communicate or fall out. Even if it is not confrontational poor understanding reduces performance and creativity.

In tendering this can be extended to organisations. Large and complex tenders often require partnerships between departments and organisations. Which bid manager hasn't been on the receiving end of HR or Finance explaining why the response isn't back yet because they are so damn busy? (With the undertone that you don't understand their pressures you unreasonable xxxx). When you are dealing with outside organisations the problem can be exacerbated by the issue of finance or different priorities. In both contexts managing the relationships is not a luxury. It is a priority forsuccess and takes skill. Esther Perel is right. The term soft skill undersells it. If a relationship fails it may prevent you winning a multi-million pound contract.

So to continue with the theme of 12 Rules (with apologies to Dr Jordan Peterson) here, from my experience, are 12 rules for forming, maintaining and nurturing bidder relationships.

1) Identify the right person to speak to when approaching a bid partner. The business development manager may not be the real decision maker. Directors of operations, finance or strategy sometimes have bidding in their portfolios; sometimes there won't be a bidding function at all. In NHS Trusts check board papers for mention of tenders; see who introduces the topic and contact them.

2) Have a pitch ready when you make contact. Why should the potential partner bother? Why bother with you? Use terms like "opportunity" and don't be afraid to explain you have a plan to win. Give them reasons to think you can. Your record as a bidder, your new service plan, the incumbent's poor recent performance and so on.

3) Recognise their value as an organisation and an individual. If you make them feel like they don't matter or are just there to make your bid look good ("Bid Candy") this can cause trouble in the bid and service delivery. Look for positives. I have worked with some very difficult people but there isn't one who I haven't learnt something from.

4) Sometimes difficult behaviours are forged by circumstances. I remember a surgeon who would not operate unless he had a particular insert. There were alternatives but imagine doing that job. Knowing exactly what to expect is a way of managing risk both real and psychological. One less thing to think about when all your concentration is focused elsewhere.

This works for organisations. Culture matters. GP practices need to maintain cash flow so seem penny pinching to big trusts. Large organisations have multiple priorities. Individuals are impacted by their ambitions, their past failures and successes and the pressures put on them from above. They also don't know you or your organisation well. What is normal for you is anxiety generating for them.

5) Learn the patterns of your stakeholders and partners. Asking for help from finance at month end; or from HR when there is a big recruitment drive on, is going to be a challenge. It is the same for partner organisations. If they have bids on or a restructure programme then they will struggle to help. As part of project planning talk to them and identify the potential choke points so you can avoid them.

6) Set financial principles early in the bid relationship. “If it’s not sex its money. If it’s not money its sex” as quoted by DCI Morse in ITV’s 80’s adaption of Colin Dexter’s novels. With bids it tends to be money. Get the financial principles agreed early and clearly. Use numbers from the outset. I have seen a sub-contractor put in a quote with less than a week to go before a bid that led to them leaving the partnership. It was just too high.

I have also seen the same scenario happen with the sub-contractor staying. The difference? In the second scenario there was an excellent Director to CEO relationship. They had a call and fixed it. In the first the reaction to the quote from the prime contractor was one of hurt bafflement. People became annoyed and the relationship failed. If both sides want to fix it and can keep talking they generally can find a way round.

7) Watch the relationships between key people; chemistry matters. Negative emotions can come from perceptions of broken trust or judgements about the motives of another person or organisation. Sometimes it is jealousy or arrogance but this is more rare. Dealing with relationships is tricky because we don’t have the language to communicate without hurt and offense and the language is critical. If you set up “us and them” situations or perceptions of unfairness you alienate. If you criticise someone’s style or priorities they become offended.

To avoid this focus on the issue and the goal. “I am not sure I am doing the right thing here but I am worried the bid is at risk, do you agree?” That is a good opening statement because once the other person agrees they are bought into fixing the problem. Try to avoid telling them they are the problem (consider it might be you in part; any therapist will tell you there are two stories with couples in therapy). Try to make them feel good about solving the problem and recognise their input.

8) Use facilitated conversations; even if the parties don't know this is what you are doing. I facilitated a tense meeting between a psychiatrist and a GP about prescribing. The tension was because something big was at stake. It was who was accountable for treatment; treatment that could kill if given in error, cause disruption in the prison or fail to prevent suicide. For an hour I drew out points of agreement and kept conversation going. By the end both parties understood why the other felt as they did and then together they created a solution. it just needed that understanding first.

9) Use practical tools to build understanding. Writing rules, response templates and question management tools are great. Set up a kick off meeting to introduce and discuss them. As long as everyone can see them, has time to consider them and even better can contribute then there is a common language or “lexicon”.

Doing this well does more than just create a response document. As well as reducing misunderstandings it binds a team. When working across organisations this can be critical.

9) Plan for Pressure. Pressure will strain the relationships and bids are all about pressure. Financial pressure, different priorities and changes to personnel will all happen just as responses need to be drafted, checked and finalised. The clock won’t stop so at the outset discuss and agree how you will manage. This is why I like money sorted early in a bid; if not it will create pressure later.

10) Try to understand not just the individuals in a bid team but the interactions between them as a group. What do I mean? In my boy’s U11 rugby team there are a couple of lads who are large and one who is talented. Interestingly when they were absent the other boys played better. Why? Because they had to work to close the gap; they couldn’t be carried along and their confidence grew. In bids having a Director or CEO present may change the behaviour, for good or ill, of other team members. What happens when they are absent? What happens when you are absent? Be sensitive to the impact and use it if necessary.

11) Understand that change means loss. Someone is giving something away that matters when things change and that can hurt. It may not be logical; people are shaped by forces that can’t be understood using a spreadsheet, but a new service model, the end of a contract, the loss of a team or change in location can mean huge internal pain. For interim bid professionals this holds true. For all our love of change and variety in assignments how did you feel about PQQs becoming SQs or health bids shifting onto portals? What change has occurred to challenge you? Think about it and then reflect that feeling onto the people you work with. Is that what they are feeling? How do you manage that?

12) Look for partners who want to work with you. If there is a perfect bid partner for operational purposes but they don’t communicate with you or show signs of reluctance, then address the issue or look for one who will commit. Martina Navratilova famously said involvement and commitment were like bacon and eggs. “The hen is involved but the pig is committed”. Tendering is a competition and will to compete and work together are central to any team.

This is a massive area to explore so I have added Esther’s video to the article. The key thing to recognise is that your bid relationships need as much attention as the contents of the responses. In fact they can’t really be separated. If your stakeholders are committed to the bid they will provide better responses; work harder to hit the envelope and stay late to finish the job.

For any help with complex, multi-stakeholder bids Linkin or contact me on 07885406651. For help with personal relationships though I suggest Esther Perel. She would probably write a decent bid too…..