In Business, Defense Does Not Win Championships

I like to think I am a self-aware and introspective person who works on developing my empathy and emotional intelligence. For instance, after writing that sentence, I now have another self-improvement I need to work on, to stop using so many clichés to describe what kind of leader I am working towards being.???

What I am really working on lately is dismantling the defenses I deploy when faced with criticisms or ideas that challenge me and my team.???

Despite acknowledging my issue, I still struggle with getting defensive when facing criticism or being told what to do from my executive peers, coworkers, and even vendors. It is always a little uncomfortable to be told we can be doing better. My automatic reaction tends to be to defend what we are doing, how my team performs, or how we are already working on the course correction for the issues being raised. ?

Even times when I am truly engaged in active listening, there are instances where this first defensive reaction will disincentivize constructive ideas, criticism, and further feedback. Our defense mechanisms can be a quick killer to open collaboration, innovation, and improvement. Putting up a stacked defense also leads to unnecessary conflicts, arguments, and hostility with your collaborators. ?

Even if you perceive the criticism, you receive as unfair, illogical, or unproductive, there is a root cause for why you are being given this feedback, and you must remain open to uncovering and addressing it. This type of commitment to open dialogue is critical to leading and working with any management team.???

So, what can you do to detach your ego and remain open-minded when faced with the most difficult conversations???

First, you must recognize you are not your outcomes. In other words, your identity must be removed from your wins, losses, mistakes, and greatest ideas. Unless you are a one-person business, you did not accomplish anything alone, and even if you did, you did not build the roads you used to commute to work or run the fiber that connects you to the internet.????

From this perspective it is easier to see your business issues are not yours alone either. We need to dispose of the shame, embarrassment, and other negative feelings we assign ourselves from business failures if we want to rationally examine strategy and corrective actions. Our mistakes do not define who we are, we need to acknowledge and learn from them, but not carry them with us as emotional baggage. This subconscious feeling of inadequacy is the root cause of many of our defensive reactions to discussing problems and failures. ??

When someone points out a deficiency or opportunity you do not agree with, do not internalize, focus on the validity of the point, and find the underlying cause of where the feedback is coming from. We can do this by practicing our awareness of our own emotional response and detaching ourselves from being the causality of the accusation. When we do this, we will be less likely to jump to debating a position and more open to seeing the point of view of others.??

?Do not overreact, put a defense up, or pitch a solution to an issue before you ask as many questions as possible. Investigate all evidence before dismissing ideas intentioned to drive improvements. By being curious, you can eliminate any of the misunderstandings that can lead to arguments and conflicts with the people bringing problems to your attention.??

Operate from giving others the benefit of the doubt. You can detach from your emotions better when you know the people giving you feedback are coming from a good place; they only want what is best for our organization, customers, and mission. In tough conversations, it is easy to forget the other parties are there because they believe what they are saying is the best thing for everyone, dismissing that in any way will only lead to a more hostile conversation than is necessary.??

In practice, you can accomplish listening to feedback, criticism, and new challenges by taking a deep breath, detaching your ego, asking questions, and showing everyone in the room respect and goodwill.??

It sounds easy, but I challenge you to be more aware of how you are truly engaged with your coworkers, peers, and leadership when faced with a hard-nosed offense. If after reading this you're thinking, "this is not me, I'm great at taking feedback and addressing new problems" you just might be getting defensive.?

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