Burnout - One Guide out

Six months ago, I quit my previous organization. Two weeks later I came for the last time into the office to do my role handover. We sat down in a meeting room and it felt as if I did not have enough air to breathe and suggested that we sit outside in the sun; it was a beautiful sunny day in July 2021. When we got settled outside, I opened up the document and immediately started yawning extensively like I would not get enough oxygen. Then my stomach started to twist, and my left arm and heart started hurting and feeling numb after a while. After that, I got an incredible headache and could hardly see anymore. My system, my body, started shutting down. It felt like watching an office building at night when the lights are switched off room by room. I watched myself breaking down. One of my teammates guided me just on time to a couch where I finally collapsed. I felt paralyzed; my body did not respond to any request anymore. I surrendered. Deep inside, I saw it coming. I burned out. I had emotionally been very exhausted and it was only a matter of time until my physical system would respond too.

When I got home that day, I went directly to bed and did not get out of there for days, just to use the bathroom or get water. I knew the moment I broke down, I had no other choice but to start to listen to my physical and emotional needs again. I was in a lot of pain since I suffered shingles as well. When I went to the GP, she literally only said one thing. She told me that people with burnout usually ask her how to deal with the employer. I found it astonishing that deep inside we exactly know what we need and have to do but yet we give the authority away.

So I went home, went back to bed and accepted and surrendered to my physical and emotional pain. Some days later, I figured I still had not done the role transfer yet and wanted to open my computer but got a heavy headache immediately so I closed it quickly again and went back to lay down. My body was not ready yet. I was not ready yet.

I tried again the following day; I got to the point that the screen showed the document but then again I got a really heavy headache and my vision went blurry so I could not see the document anymore. So I left it and went back to bed. I started to listen to my needs and went on the following journey of healing.

• Hydration: I drank a lot of water.
• Nature: I felt I needed to be in nature. My boyfriend put me in our camper van and we drove to a spot in the very North of the Netherlands where we pretty much only saw birds, green fields and water. That was incredibly grounding and calming; walking barefoot on the grass, waking up with a view into nature and just observing nature in its complexity and beauty.
• Vitamins: I felt the need to drink juices and to get vitamins in. Since I was not hungry and my body was very selective about what it wanted to go in, juices were a great way to get some vitamins in again.
• Conscious Inner Connection: I felt like meditating again and starting slowly with some yoga moves again. It was at most five minutes a day because I was still in a lot of pain. Experiencing this silence and solitude so consciously again made me feel more grounded and connected again. Step by step, day by day.
• Magic: To experience and see the magic again can help a lot in the healing process. What I understand under magic is a perspective change but at the same time experiencing some spiritual power and using or trying ancient healing techniques. I, for example, love to experiment with essential oils, crystals and energy work. My friend is a reiki master, so I went to her to receive a reiki session to stimulate self-healing powers. Ancient healing and medicines can ground oneself and create a great connection in the overall picture, which I personally found working for myself. As for essential oils, peppermint clears your mind, wild orange reduces anxiety and I have another blend that creates balance. I also used sandalwood, which also creates mental clarity and also a calming and relaxing feeling.
• Outer Connection & Creativity: After feeling some inner connection again, I slowly started to seek more outward connections. I started listening to music again and bought a canvas and started to paint, which had been great therapy for me. Music and painting are both creative energies that can be very healing. Then I started to read again to connect a bit more to an outer world too and to get a different perspective through storytelling.
• More Connection and Interaction: I wanted more connection and interaction and I decided to book a flight to Istanbul to be with my friends over there. I spent nine nights there, which was very eye-opening and healing as well. Turkish culture is a natural hosting culture- I was hosted and pampered the entire time and got a different perspective on life and opportunities again, being in a different environment that brought me inspiration and outlook again. It brought me back to the essence of being human again and how we interact when the collective is at the forefront because we understand, without the collective we cannot survive. I also figured during that time that I did not host myself anymore, let alone have others host me and that I completely got out of balance. A friend introduced me to the Art of Hosting and its four pillars:

1. Hosting yourself
2. Hosting others
3. Being hosted
4. The Collective/Community

These four parts should be in balance and in my case were completely out of balance. That was a great realization when I reflected on my time in Istanbul. My time in Istanbul had me feel the power of being hosted and the healing experience that brought for me at the right time.

• Reduced Caffeine Intake: I reduced my caffeine intake because as I listened to my body again, I understood the consequence of caffeine for me at this stage. My heart started racing and almost hurting and it boosted my anxiety. I stopped drinking coffee, which gave me a headache initially for a few days and got better as days passed by. I tried out decaffeinated coffee and drank more golden milk and ginger tea. Coffee was part of my daily ritual and routine. My partner and I even implemented a so-called coffee walk. Every morning we would walk to the water with our freshly brewed coffee and name at least three things we were grateful for that day. So for me to cut out on coffee felt like a piece of my day was taken away. However, by now, we both drink either no or decaffeinated coffee at home and feel better.
• Soul Food: I have mainly been a vegetarian for four years, on rare occasions I would eat fish as well. I am very conscious about my food. When I feel out of balance, I try to cut out sugars to balance my emotions and reduce anxiety and other side effects. I love to cook every day, trying out new dishes that are nurturing and colourful. Food is a gamechanger. It may sound cliche but at the same time, it is just reality. To give you some insights; dark green leafy vegetables like kale or spinach, dried beans, lentils, quinoa and chickpeas help you to regulate your iron intake. To have the body absorb iron in an effective way, include Vitamin C in your diet too, which is found in most fruits as well as in broccoli and peppers. Iron is important to regulate anxiety. At the same time, B-Vitamins are important, which are found in wholegrain, broccoli and dark green leafy vegetables as well as avocados. B-6 vitamins support the release of several neurotransmitters from the body, including serotonin, which is also called the mood hormone, which makes it a great stress relief food. Brazilian nuts help to calm the nervous system and balance the mood, which is very important when we feel anxiety on a regular basis. Dark chocolate (in moderate amounts) helps to manage stress as well. For mood swings look at your Vitamin D intake, which you can get from the sun but also from eggs, cheese and fish. Plus, fibre-rich foods can help to level-out mood swings too, like brown rice, oats, apples, carrots and beans. For feeling sad or depressed, Omega-3 is an important supporter. It is found in fatty fish but also walnuts, avocado and flax seeds as well as whole grains. Avoid caffeine and alcohol. You might already be a golden milk lover or will be soon. Turmeric is found in golden milk formulas, which helps to beat anxiety because it reduces inflammation and stress, which usually leads to mood swings. I love to drink fresh-pressed orange juice with lemon, grapefruit, turmeric and black pepper as well. Black pepper helps the body to absorb the turmeric better. B-12, which is in particular important to pay attention to when being on a vegan diet, can also be added as a supplement in case of a shortage. When stress is building up, it is also important to cut out caffeine and alcohol, (processed) meats, dairy and artificial sweeteners. As I mentioned above, I cut caffeinated coffee and other drinks out of my diet to regulate anxiety and stress. If you feel angry, try foods like fennel, celery and cabbage as well as flaxseeds, sunflower seeds, nuts and beans. With anger- a good, sweaty workout particularly helps.
• Being guided by needs (Physical, Emotional, Spiritual, Mental) - Practicing Authentic Self-Care: After getting more in touch with myself again the steps before, it was time to put it more into a free-flowing practice. When I got back to Amsterdam, one of my oldest friends came to visit me and we were having us guided by our needs on a daily basis. Everything was allowed, nothing had to happen. We had museum tickets for the Rijksmuseum but decided just before we did not want to go, we did not feel like it. Instead, we spent more time outside, went to the beach and had long conversations. We ate when we were hungry, cooked what we felt like, had a drink where we felt like and practised with this to listen to our own needs again and above all to also communicate these and to find alignment amongst us two. It was a beautiful experience of us connecting deeper as well and finding power and confidence in feeling our needs, expressing these and meeting them in the integration of being in the collective.
• Sharing: Talking about your own emotions and opening up about it can be very healing. The same for needs; we all have needs that are intrinsic. We just learned not to listen to these because they can be very complex. At the same time suppressing needs is like suppressing emotions, they will not go away and will just come out harder at an unpredictable time later. During that time I found out that I knew it theoretically but did not live it authentically. I had to experience it the hard way and I am sure I am not by myself, which is also the reason why I am sharing this today. What I experienced, opening up about these topics creates connection. I talked more to my partner and also friends about it and started seeing my coach more regularly again. I found out I am not by myself but that we as a collective often still try to focus on what is just sunshine and feels positive. The interesting part of this is that we try to exclude an incredibly valuable and crucial side of ourselves that holds so much wisdom, direction and knowledge. It makes us connect, build strong, deep and lasting relationships that build the foundation for everything we do and bring into this world.

“Good relationships keep us happy and healthy.”?- Robert Waldinger, Professor and Researcher of The Harvard Study of Adult Development

In all this process of getting back to myself and nurturing this very unique relationship with myself, I came across so many diverse topics that make me understand it is an ongoing progress since life is unpredictable and unstable and a constant exploration and discovery. Due to previous coaching and learnings, I had a lot of tools at hand and just knew I had to consequently use them now to get back on track. However, here again, not everyone needs the same tools, the same chronology, the same interactions. We all have different needs, emotionally and physically in different periods of our time and we only know ourselves what we need and when. We just need to be true to ourselves, listen deeply and find ways to meet our own needs to stay connected and present in the collective.