Burnout, Boundaries, and Speaking Up

Recently, I received a note – out of the blue – from an employee who had worked with me years ago.? She said, “I wanted to reach out to you because I am in a tough spot and really do not know how to handle it.? I am not sure what "burnout" is, but I am thinking I just might be experiencing it. “I got on the phone with her, and as she shared her story, it struck me how common this situation is and that many people don’t know how to overcome it. Maybe you'll recognize some of these challenges in your own working life.

She’s been at her company for several years, and throughout that time, she’s taken on more and more responsibility – without receiving extra support, extra title, or extra compensation.? She’s working 12+ hours, late nights, and weekends.? She’s been hit with mental and physical health problems and now it’s starting to impact her personal relationships.? Despite having told her leaders about this, not much has changed .. and she’s been bringing it up for more than a year!

For YOU, as an employee:

Sound familiar? A recent 麦肯锡 study found that 49% of employees have experienced burnout in the past year. And according to 15Five , 86% feel that their workload had a negative impact on their mental health. Clearly, this is an all-too-common issue that can truly create havoc in one’s life.

Bluntly, I've been there myself - putting work above all else, not setting boundaries, hoping that things will get better if I work a little harder. I’ve been addicted to work, believing that if I just worked harder, then it would be appreciated. If I just did more, I would be seen and recognized.? If I just … If I just …

But here's the hard truth I had to learn for myself that I shared with her:

If we don't advocate for ourselves, no one else will.

It's a harsh lesson but an incredibly important one. We teach people how to treat us by what we're willing to accept. If we never say no, if we don't set clear limits, we're sending the message that our well-being isn't a priority and that the company is the priority. It doesn’t provide any incentive for leadership to make a change on your behalf.

So, how do we start to change this pattern? Here are a few key steps:

1. Get clear on your non-negotiables. What do you need to survive?? What do you need to thrive, not just survive? Is it capped work hours, a title change, a bump in pay, or more support? Figure out your lines in the sand.?
2. Communicate these needs clearly and directly to your manager. Share the impact the current situation is having on you. Paint a picture of what could happen if things don't change - the risk of losing you, missed deadlines, etc.
3. Be prepared to make tough choices. If your needs aren't being met after you've clearly expressed them, it may be time to look for a role that aligns better with your values and priorities.

I know firsthand how scary it can be to have these conversations. We worry about being seen as problematic, about potential repercussions. But at the end of the day, no job is worth sacrificing our health and happiness for. I’m not going to tell you that this has zero risk – if you’re in a truly toxic environment or have a horrible boss, it can (and most likely will) backfire on you.

As I reminded my friend, she has so much to offer - any company would be lucky to have her. And the same is true for you. You deserve to work for an organization that values your well-being and respects your boundaries.

It's not always easy, but learning to speak up for ourselves is a critical skill. By sharing our experiences and supporting each other in setting limits, we can shift the culture of overwork and burnout.?

For YOU, as a leaders:

I believe that most leaders want to support their teams. I have to believe that this is the truth, but sadly it is not what I often see. All too often, leaders protect themselves before they protect those who work for them, and this results in a situation of fear. I think the question that you need to ask yourself is do your teams feel comfortable coming to talk to you openly and honestly about challenges that they have regarding burnout? I can tell you that many of my teams have bluntly had this conversation with me.

I've been told, “I'm looking for a new job because we have too much work. “

I've been told, “I’m struggling because I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing.”

I've been told, “I can't keep this up because we don't have enough people/tools/whatever.”

I've been told, “I just can't.”

In all these scenarios, the fact that people have come to talk to me about these challenges is both positive and a concern. The fact that they feel this way might allude to times that I haven't paid attention to them in the way that I should have, or on the other hand, it might simply be the current economic challenges that we're running into or events that are out of our control. The fact that they feel comfortable enough to talk to me about it means that I've built the right relationship with them so that they feel that comfort.

I challenge each one of you, as leaders, to find out what your teams are thinking. Take the time to build relationships with them so that they trust that you aren't simply going to fire them when they come to talk to you about a challenge like this. That is the biggest thing that I hear from skip levels, from people across other departments who come to talk to me about challenges that they might be running into. “I'm worried about talking to my manager because there might be repercussions “. That is not a way to lead your teams, so let's do better and help support our employees who are running into these all too real challenges.

For everyone:

I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences. Have you struggled with burnout? What's helped you set better boundaries at work?

If you think someone else could benefit from this, please like, comment and/or share so we can get the conversation going.

If you're a company that needs some help, please let me know and connect with me.