Burned Out and Broken

I see you in there still.

The clinician who left school with dreams of helping people and changing the world. The undergrad who worked nights and studied weekends, attending prac during the week. The graduate who walked proudly across the stage, doffing their mortarboard, and looking passionately ahead to a life of service in healthcare. The same grad who stood alone with their first patient, quietly willing themselves to get through the shift without screwing it all up. And you made it through. You made it through every shift since. And then, Covid.

Covid came like a tsunami of change. Infection control was launched like David against Goliath. Shifts became longer, doubling at times, sleepovers for others. Floods came for many, and the shifts went for days on end. Colleagues were forced into isolation and there was no choice for you to stay home or have a mental health day. Patients needed you and, while the greatest plague since the Spanish Flu gripped the healthcare industry like a fly in a trap, you stayed the course.

The Mayo Clinic says burnout is a special type of work-related stress — a state of physical or emotional exhaustion that also involves a sense of reduced accomplishment and loss of personal identity. That brave graduate that threw themselves into a life of service years ago is unrecognisable now. Your personal identity isn't any longer the clinician with the work life balance they worked hard to achieve. The exhaustion has caught up with you and while you hang out the washing, removing face masks that went through the cycle, you sigh. The feeling of self-worth has diminished. The feeling you once had of making a difference has been replaced with a responsibility to meet the bare minimum. Your tea breaks and notes are as short as your patience. Annual leave days accrue because leaving your colleagues now, while absolutely necessary for your own health, would be deserting.

But you must take a break. Covid is succumbing to the wrath of David. More graduates are coming through, and you have earned your time away. Take your leave entitlements. Plan a getaway with borders now open. See family you've missed and feel the sun on your mask free face. Be proud of the incredible job you've done over the past two years and find that passion grad inside of you once more.