Burn Notice

What I Learned from Playing with Fire

Over the last week or so, I’ve been feeling super stressed both professionally and personally. In times like these, I feel increasingly anxious about the future, what my decisions today will result in tomorrow, as well as how my internal dilemma will be viewed by others.

Last night we had some friends over for dinner and a fire. I hadn’t really checked out of work and felt like I was half into the dinner conversation while still analyzing the day’s events. Dinner ended and it was time to finally go outside and relax around the fire. I was eager to get the chairs and fire setup before the group came out and per usual, wanted a controlled environment. I sparked the burn pile a few times with no success and then I made a hasty rookie move. Instead of grabbing more kindling or paper, I grabbed the gas can. I have never used gasoline on a fire and never will again, but I was rushing. I doused the pile with a few dribbles of gas and knelt down to light it.

One-click of the lighter and I was engulfed in a fireball. Closing my eyes, I turned away from the blaze and immediately smelled the char of burnt hair. I checked myself over and found my hands burned, coat sleeves seared, and the heat and stubble of my burnt face and hair. I went inside to assess the damage and couldn’t believe how lucky I was. A close shave to my hair, beard, and eyebrows was all that I saw. My hands and wrists were pretty toasted but they were manageable. What I was not prepared for was the wave of fear of what?could?have happened to come over me next. It was the first time in a long time that I felt scared. Scared about what could’ve happened and confused as to how I let that mistake happen in the first place. How I let myself get so wrapped up in the presentation and let go of preserving myself. It was a simple mistake that left me pretty shaken up more mentally than physically.

Even with the shock and fear factor of the accident, it validated this notion I’ve been having lately. That you truly only learn something when you put yourself into a situation with unknowns. Scenarios of discomfort or vulnerability and seeing how you come out the other side. To utilize the 80/20 rule, I feel like the 20% of our life spent outside of our comfort zones is where we grow and make up for the 80% safety net that we all fall back on.

Now I can see the blatant irony of a 31-year-old man only learning he’s too close to the fire once he’s already been burned. It’s easy to think back to the classic stereotype of a small child touching a hot pan for the first time. I guess we all grow at our own pace. The deeper meaning for me is that I do want to embrace the awkwardness and anxiety that life brings. I want to be pushed and more importantly, I want the feeling and confidence to push back, to open up my mind, and to know that the body’s reaction to anxiety or pressure, is the same as eagerness or excitement. The feeling where you don’t necessarily give up control, but control is taken off the table and only action and intuition move you forward. This, to me, is where the magic happens. Where you can form a connection with someone totally different than you, where you can challenge yourself and push your limits, and where you can find the true meaning of adventure.

This year I want to learn more about myself and help others learn in the process. I want to experience more, overcome more, and share more with the people in my life. I want to grow and make meaning of the days in between. To be grateful for the ups and downs, knowing that the directions are still on course. Writing down these thoughts and putting them into this post is one step forward into the unknown for me. My hope is to share some fun, real, challenging, exciting moments and see where it goes from there. If I can help others express who they are and who they want to be, that would be my dream.

In creating this?email newsletter, I’ll be adding travel stories, gear reviews, and all sorts of content to get you outside and out of your head. Hope to see you around!

P.S. Learn something new about yourself today. And if you can, help someone along their journey too.