The Burden of Expectation
Many of us, attracted to the possibility of high profile success, will be wrapped up in the excitement.
As a spectator, a follower, a club member, we will develop an expectation for the outcome, tracking it through the highs and lows until the goal is achieved.? For some of us it will be the thrill of the ride, regardless.? For others, the anticipation of ultimate success may be such that anything less will be a failure.? There will be disapproval, disgust even--as if they had been betrayed in some way.
Expectation is a strange emotion, leading us to many types of behaviour.
As a child we may wish for something and believe in that very act of wishing, fulfilment will be ours, particularly in times of high aspiration, uncertainty or danger. This expectation is magical thinking.? The child has yet to appreciate that rather than appearing out of the blue, most things arrive through planning and intentional acts.? That is, we usually have to work to get what we want.? And even then, it may be that our efforts are insufficient for success--there are no guarantees.
The trouble is, we may take this magical thinking into adulthood--witness the massive reliance on gambling and lotteries, for instance.? If our need, our investment and our expectations are all high, yet there are impossibly long odds, we are likely headed for disappointment, which repeated over time will inevitably result in resentment.
If we participate (buying a ticket) with no expectation, we may minimise the disappointment.? If we expect to win the first prize, every time, it’s fair to say that we have unreal expectations.
In?religion and?superstition, followers believe that there is connection from ritual, prayer and sacrifice to some extraordinary benefit. In?clinical psychology, magical thinking can cause someone to do something in fear of a calamity or to do things ritually to “protect” themselves.
At the extreme, magical thinking may be symptomatic of depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder,?schizotypal personality disorder?and?psychosis.
At the everyday level, with any expectations, there are two considerations:
Hopefully we can develop a sense of what is required to be successful and an acceptance that sometimes we may not get the ultimate prize.?
And, if we do discover that we are still working with rules we made up for ourselves as an unempowered child, there is good news.?? We can drop these fairy tales, these unreal expectations, and make our own rules as a fully functioning, mature, well-adjusted adult.
Such an autonomous adult asks: “How do I get my needs met in a world that is not and never will be perfect, but which can be beautiful and enjoyable?”
Having trained in the renowned University of Oregon track program, Australian 1500m runner Jessica Hull returned to Wollongong for her Paris Olympic preparation, under the coaching of her father.? She was later to pay tribute to his ability to help her focus and to make her preparation enjoyable.
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Hull, in a TV interview after her semifinal, was urged by the journalist to carry the nation’s expectations for the final.?
Realistically, can someone perform at their best with such a weight on their shoulders?? Perhaps some may intend it as motivation, but for the athlete, delivering their best may not be possible under that burden of expectation.? So many people heaping reliance on another, for what--their happiness?
Admirably, Hull was having none of it.? Calmly she replied:
?It’s not expectation, it’s an opportunity.
Two days later in the final, the legendary Faith Kipyegon of Kenya became a triple gold medalist, setting an Olympic record.? Hull was just over a second back and 0.05sec ahead of 3rd, becoming the first Australian to win a women’s Olympic 1500m medal in the event’s 52 years.
By any definition, Hull had indeed made a wonderful fist of her opportunity.
So, as a spectator, do we rely on the high profile success of others for our happiness?
As a leader, are we bowing to others’ expectations, or making the most of our opportunities?? And are we providing our people with their opportunities for success?
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Next week: ?A Serious Offer?
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About the Author
Jeff Bell?is Principal of executive consultancy ResultsWise in Perth, WA.?To boost your leadership, ask Jeff about Band of Leaders Australia (BOLA) [email protected] and his consulting, coaching and strategy facilitation, or his Advanced Leadership Course [email protected] Mobile 0439 988 662.