Bums On Seats: How should the first post-COVID football crowds look?

With the NRL competition up and running, the AFL just eight days away, and the A-League and Super Rugby re-negotiating the broadcast deals that will hopefully see them resume in coming weeks, football in its many Australian guises is back.

As a lover of all sports, I found myself taking an increased interest in the NRL over its resumptive weekend, watching at least part of five different matches. A sport which I have always found more enjoyable to watch from home than in the stadium, the broadcast experience was extremely well executed, from the tighter camera angles to the excellent fake crowd noise (Fake Yewwwws has to be the best headline I’ve seen this year) which was deployed with aplomb. 

The television ratings reflected not only a desire from the Australian population to take in live sport in our own backyard, but also an appreciation for the manner in which the broadcasters produced it, with almost 4.5 million Australians watching in Round Three. It was Fox Sports’ second largest cumulative audience for a regular season round, with 2,276,000 viewers, while Thursday's Brisbane-Parramatta clash attracted a combined 1.3 million viewers on Channel Nine and Fox Sports – the largest single game audience outside of finals and Origin since 2014.

The man of the moment, particularly if you consumed the glowing feature interviews splashed across all of The Australian, Sydney Morning Herald and Daily Telegraph in the week before the action resumed, is NRL Chairman Peter V’landys. V'landys engineered his sport’s early return, and his next ambitious target is to see crowds back by July 1st. Despite NSW Deputy Premier John Barilaro shutting down the idea publicly today, you’d be brave to bet against it happening.

In New Zealand, hopes are rising for crowds of several hundred to watch top line Rugby’s return in the Super Rugby Aotearoa competition, with stadium bosses and NZ Rugby working through a range of crowd scenarios for opening weekend on June 13 in Dunedin and the following day in Auckland. By the latter stages of the 10-week competition there is optimism among chief executives that full crowds will be permitted.

Today I’m going to explore a hypothetical scenario whereby a number between 500 and 1000 people are allowed to return as of July 1, apply it across all four Australian footy codes, and explore who those people should be. I’m not talking about the cardboard cut-out crowds, which have gained international notoriety, nor the two men who had to be quickly cut from the Zoom feed Danish Club AGF Aarhus projected on to advertising hoardings, for exposing themselves. 

No, I’m talking men and women, boys and girls, in stadiums - yelling “he’s been doing it all day” in the second minute, concocting end of season trades in their own heads (despite the uncertainty ahead in player contracting across the codes), and considering an early exit as their team stares down defeat, but left wondering how to justify it without a full carpark to blame. So, who should take those seats? 

Player & Staff Families 15%: I’m going to start with the families of the players and staff involved, and not just because the codes’ respective Collective Bargaining Agreements (CBA) dictate it. One constant in the world of team sport across the globe is that athletes thrive and depend upon being part of a team and going to work with their best mates every day – something the rest of us can only dream of. It’s one of the reasons so many battle in their transition to the next phase of their life, and it undoubtedly will have affected many of Australia’s football stars during an enforced period of isolation. 

At the risk of sounding like I am belittling them, which is in fact the opposite of my intention, I can imagine grumpy players glued to the team WhatsApp at home these last few months, or whittling away hours playing Fortnite and chatting garbage with their teammates through a headset. It’s been particularly heartening to hear so many athletes espouse the benefits of extra time with their loved ones and children in particular, but it goes without saying that having high performance footballers and coaches cooped in a confined space away from their football friends would have seen some tension at times. 

Their families were there for them during this struggle and deserve to be there to cheer them on during the recovery. Not just for debutants or players celebrating milestones; all players, putting their bodies on the line in a career with an ever-shortening lifespan, deserve to know that there are people in the crowd whose number one priority is to see them play well. NB: Hat-tip to the Penrith Panthers, who gave up 10 of the very few seats they have at present for the families of Newcastle Knights debutants on the weekend. A classy gesture. 

Children 25%: From the ball kids no longer allowed to perform this task due to COVID regulations, to the Auskickers who were meant to be playing at half time, to the kid who just really, really, really loves Dusty Martin – kids at sporting events bring an unrivalled level of excitement and happiness, and a hell of a lot of real Yewwwws. Of all the categories, this is the only one I really want to make higher but cannot find the extra % room.

Prawn Sandwich Brigade 25%: Like the owners on a racecourse, the suits who put their (or their company’s) hard earned on the line deserve some seats. The term Prawn Sandwich Brigade, coined by Manchester United legend Roy Keane, refers to the 'fans' that go to watch United play at Old Trafford but who actually know nothing about football or United, barely watch the game and are more interested in eating the prawn sandwiches at half-time in the posh corporate settings.

In this example, I have taken a bit of creative licencing – it is in no way indicative of their knowledge of the game or passion for the team, simply that this group are used to watching matches behind glass. I am including sponsors, board members, former players, and other special guests of the Club or code in this category. These people have the wherewithal to decide whether to continue investing large sums of money into sports and Clubs which desperately need them, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with ensuring that they feel special and loved in this time. NB: For what it’s worth, sponsors in particular could generate a groundswell of goodwill towards their brand if they instead chose to donate their tickets to everyday members and fans, utilising their social media channels for giveaways, for example.  

Members & Cheer Squad 30%: Hundreds of thousands of everyday Aussies paid subscription fees this year in the knowledge that they attend the footy, yet have had that stripped away from them, and despite so many facing financial challenges of their own, haven’t asked for a refund.

Collingwood Football Club offer 19 different types of membership which include tickets to matches, from General Admission to Reserved Seats with the best view of the MCG, but I think it is only fair that this allocation is split amongst all types of members who have paid their fees. A ballot is the fairest way to do so, though some Clubs may choose to designate allowances for different membership categories, which is understandable.

The cheer squad deserve to be singled out here. Holding banners and signs, loyal rain, hail or shine, and ready to make some noise as their team score – despite being so far behind that there isn’t even a slim chance of victory. Cheer squad members are a special type of people with a special type of passion, and they deserve a special type of recognition in this way. 

Giveaways & Promotions 5%: Just because the number of people attending is scaled right back, doesn’t mean that the codes should be stopping trying to attract fresh fans to the game. From New Australians to stranded backpackers, to rusted-ons who experience the sheer good luck of calling up a radio station at just the right time and answering a trivia question or seven, an allowance should be made for them.

My final commandment under this model; all spectators must sit together, in one section, socially distanced of course, but watching not just the game, but each other. Sport can be a great equaliser, and there’s no doubt it would benefit the prawn sandwich brigade to see the excitement on a kid’s face, the passion of the cheer squad, and to ride the ups and downs for the families of those in battle. Right on the halfway line should do.

What do you think? Have I got the balance right? I’d love to hear your thoughts, either below or via Twitter.