Bullying in leadership

My “almost” first kiss taught me a valuable lesson in leadership.

Statistics show that more than 50% of employees have experienced or witnessed harassment in the workplace and almost ?75% of cases are never reported.

And not only at work.

True story

I was 12, spending the summer with my grandparents in a family-run hotel where the same families would go every year.

One morning at breakfast, the most handsome boy I had ever seen sat across the room. He was 15. I was too shy to talk to him so the stealing glances game began.

Three days later there was a party in the hotel for all the families. For three days I dreamed about him talking to me and maybe holding hands.

This was a time and place when 12-year-olds were still just children.

The party

The garden party was beautiful with music and happy people dancing, like the opening wedding scene in The Godfather or a setting from Mamma Mia.

I was standing, looking at the dancers, and he approached me. He made comments about the party and then he said: You are very beautiful, I want to kiss you.

I felt my face turning bright red and didn’t manage to respond.

He then insisted that he wanted to kiss me and that we should go around the corner for that. He grabbed my hand to start walking there and I took it right back and said NO!

I could not believe what was happening. He then proceeded to tell me that if I didn’t go with him to be kissed, he would tell everyone including my grandparents that he did, and much worse.

I felt a sudden repulsion and anger towards this boy. I told him: tell them! They would never believe you.

I went straight to my grandmother and told her, not out of fear but rage. I was furious, I had wasted three days dreaming about this mockery of a boy.

I told my grandma I was going back to my room because I didn’t want to have to look at his face.

?

The morning after

I was dreading going to breakfast and seeing him again. To my surprise his family’s breakfast table was empty.

My grandfather was sitting next to me and casually said: they went to take him back to his parents. You will not have to look at his face again.

And I never had to.

This could have ended so differently. This boy was a bully. Later we learned that he had done the same to other girls and got away with it.

So what made it a win for me?

How to tackle bullying

I see three main reasons for this happy ending:

?? Immediate action:

When you experience harassment, you tend to justify the bully because you cannot believe what is happening.

Maybe they had a bad day, maybe it will not happen again. BIG MISTAKE: report, report, report, and if in the workplace, make it in writing.

?? Strong personal brand:

Trust and honesty were my core values. My family trusted me completely. They knew I would not lie to them.

Similarly, you need to build your brand for every new group that you join, be it a new workplace, a sports group, or any other.

The persona that you create will determine how people will approach and interact with you.

?? Powerful allies:

My grandparents were very much loved and respected in the community. Their word carried weight, and this gave them an advantage in agreeing on a win-win situation for everyone.

We all know “your network is your net worth” and never more than in challenging times. Build a network of powerful colleagues and friends because who is on your side will make all the difference.

I believe a workplace that is a source of happiness and not dread is possible. I am doing my bit with my company WhomLab ??

Whom you share your days with is more important than what you actually do. Find your tribe and never put up with harassment.