Bullying and Imposter Syndrome

About one third of my imposter syndrome clients have experienced workplace bullying.

This is not surprising, as a trigger for imposter syndrome is high challenge plus low support. And the toxic work environment of bullying certainly counts as that.

But you may be surprised that these same clients are almost exclusively top leaders; CEOs, Managing Directors and C-level executives. They are successful, capable and competent leaders and they don’t fit the stereotype of someone who has been bullied.

Imposter Syndrome

Imposter syndrome is self-doubt and feeling like a fraud, when you’re not. It is feeling that you’re not (quite) good enough despite a track record of success. Seven out of ten of this elite group of people high-achievers experience imposter syndrome at some point in the careers, men and women equally.

Imposter syndrome feels like a sudden loss of confidence, and creates massive stress, anxiety, confusion, isolation and overwhelm. It also leads to exhaustion, burnout and even ending careers.

It doesn’t matter whether the bullying is happening right now, or if it happened in the past, it can still trigger imposter syndrome. Their confidence is shaken and they are frustrated that they can’t seem to get over it.

Bullying Stereotype

When people think of bullying, their typical image is a large, older schoolboy physically threatening and intimidating a smaller, younger boy. The bully uses their greater size and strength, and the bullied child feels weak and helpless. It is a power dynamic based on physical size and age.

These days people take bullying more seriously, and recognise that bullies can be any age, size and gender. It is not just about physical threat either, the intimidation may be mental, emotional or social too.

Regardless of the form that bullying takes, the person bullied feels a sense of helplessness, powerlessness and so feels weaker than the bully. Bullied people often feel ashamed that they are being bullied because they feel weak.

Common advice from others is to shrug it off, ignore the bully or ‘just get over it.’ This compounds feelings of shame because they feel like they can’t do that and so feel even more helpless.

Workplace Bullying

Sometimes bullying in the workplace involves physical intimidation, but more often it is mental, emotional and social bullying. The bully’s attack through criticism, undermining, public humiliation and ridicule is very real. The person bullied feels like they don’t have the right resources to protect themselves from that attack. Whether that is HR department policies, line manager or peer support.

The power dynamic plays out when people have authority, such as a boss, or influence over others, such as a social ring-leader. The threat is to someone’s job security, finances, or future career.

Executive Bullying

Leaders are frequently shocked when they find themselves in the sights of a bully. To have reached the executive level, they are competent, capable and have successfully navigated difficult people and ‘strong personalities’ in the past. This goes with the territory. So they have a general sense of their own resourcefulness and a confidence in their ability to handle tricky situations.

When they find themselves bullied, the sudden feeling of helplessness is a nasty surprise. Not just the feeling itself, but also the shift in their view of themselves as a person who can be bullied. They may even think that they are weak because of it.

Bullying and Imposter Syndrome

The person being bullied then question themselves;

‘Why is this happening to me? Is it about me? Is it a weakness or a flaw of mine? Why can’t I just get over it?’

They see their inability to deal with the bully as a flaw. This feeds into the belief that underlies imposter syndrome; that their worth as a person depends on what they do. And the fact that they have been bullied means they’re not good enough. It starts a nasty cycle of self-doubt.

Also, bullying can include relentless criticism. Even when it is completely unwarranted, it can still cause you to doubt yourself.

The self-doubt reinforces the idea that being bullied is a personal weakness, instead of seeing the reality of the situation; that the problem is the bully and their inability to behave in an appropriate, respectful manner.

Stress of Bullying

Whenever the brain detects a threat to survival, it activates the nervous system into fight, flight or freeze states. This is the normal, healthy response of the brain to perils our caveman ancestors faced, such as tigers, snakes and fire.

But the brain does not distinguish between physical threats and mental, emotional or social threats. It treats them all the same. Your body is stressed in these activated states, with a rush of stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol. When this happens repeatedly, it creates chronic stress.

When you are suddenly bullied, the brain updates itself to this new a ‘threat.’ It puts you on alert and anticipating a repeat attack.

You then automatically react to similar situations before the logical thinking part of your brain has had a chance to respond. This is why you can’t just tell yourself to ‘get over it.’ The bullying has impacted you at a physiological level.

It’s also not a weakness because this is the healthy physiological response to threats.

And it is why bullying events earlier in your career can affect how you act react to events in the present.

Dealing with Bullying

First and foremost, the toxic workplace needs to be changed. Companies need to do everything they can to make bullying unacceptable behaviour.

But how do you deal with being bullied yourself? How do you release the impact?

The first step is to address the physiological response, so calm the nervous system so that it does not get triggered into the fight, flight and freeze states. Certain physical exercises and breathing techniques help here.

The next step is to update the brain’s interpretation of a threat, so it doesn’t expect other people to be bullies and continually expect and attack. This requires creating an ‘amygdala bypass’ using a systematic neuroscience method to modify the brain/nervous system pattern.

Finally, the beliefs that underlie imposter syndrome need to be changed. This requires a specific letting go process that engages the way in which beliefs are used and stored in the brain. It is the heart of the Inner Success programme, which is why it is so effective for eliminating imposter syndrome.

When this belief is released, then the experience of being bullied does not automatically lead to self-doubt and asking what’s wrong with you. Instead, you see clearly that this bully has a problem.

The result is effortless confidence and a calm core strength that bullies can’t touch.

Freedom indeed!