Bullying And How To Be Successful As A Target

As motivated contributors, we are interested in organizational effectiveness and what impacts cultures in organizations, people, business results, and stability of organizations. We have read many books, articles, and statistics to improve our understanding of organizational effectiveness and what makes an organization effective. We have used these techniques in leading our teams in the organizations where we have worked where we repaired toxic cultures and improved business results. We have been successful in our endeavors to improve teams’ performance and effectiveness, as well as helping teams learn how to function effectively and reduce or eliminate the existent toxic cultures. We didn’t do it alone as we had support from our leaders and HR, and they supported us and equipped us with tools to be successful in our efforts to eliminate toxicity and bullying in the teams we led.

Organizations with toxic cultures do not perform well and are not stable, and as a result their employees live in fear because bullying is prevalent. Bullying is an organizational problem and unfortunately organizations and HR are not equipped to support a bullied person. This is so because organizations and HR are not equipped to properly handle bullying situations. We recommend not reporting the situation to HR, as the target is the one who will suffer negative consequences that will impact their wellbeing, and many times ending in the target losing her/ his job. Below we are giving an overview of bullying in the US and the current situation, and recommendations to properly handle bullying based on our own experiences as well as the experiences of other people who have shared with us their stories of being bullied.

Bullying in the US is a big topic in schools and work. Bullying starts early in school and continues into our adult years at work. Bullying at work in the US is a big problem that affects many of us. We are sometimes bullied at work because we are different from the majority of our coworkers. Unfortunately, bullying is increasing and is affecting more and more of us. Bullies impact our emotional wellbeing and can have a long term negative psychological impact on us.

Here are some statistics about bullying in US, as per the Purdue university, Workplace bullying takes an emotional, physical toll; support is in place to help - Purdue University News.? As defined by the Workplace Bullying Institute (WBI), workplace bullying is repeated, health-harming mistreatment of one or more persons (the targets) by one or more perpetrators. It is abusive conduct that is:

• Threatening, humiliating, or intimidating.
• Work interference — sabotage — which prevents work from getting done.
• Verbal abuse.

There’s a national prevalence of workplace bullying: 30 percent of Americans have suffered abusive conduct at work; another 19 percent have witnessed it; 49 percent are affected by it; and 66 percent are aware that workplace bullying happens. Additional key findings from the survey include:

• An estimated 48.6 million Americans are bullied at work.
• Bullying during remote work happens most in virtual meetings, not email.?
• For those doing remote work, the bullying rate is 43.2 percent; virtual work poses a greater danger of bullying
• Prevalence of bullying (30 percent have direct experience being bullied) is up 57 percent from 2017.
• Those bullied: 52 percent non-management employees and 40 percent managers.
• Women bullies bully women at twice the rate they bully men.

Researchers found that the majority of times bullying involves an imbalance of power, where the perpetrator acts to obtain power and control over the target. It was found that bullies tend to have low self-esteem, problems with anger management and even personality disorders. Bullies often target people based on their appearance, behavior, race, religion, citizenship status, accent, educational background, LGBTQ+ identity, or because of perceived threats to their own career because the victim is often a very capable employee. Many books are written about bullying and how the attacked people are found at fault while the bully gains more power and continues to bully other people. Often the companies that allowed the bullying, find themselves in great difficulties and are sued, as they allowed the behavior to continue and not properly address the bully and their behavior, but instead they eliminated or isolated the attacked/ targeted person.?

Below we will discuss two approaches and recommendations for each situation: preventive and survival, as remediation is not possible when bullies are involved. Remember that you can’t control anyone’s behavior or reaction but your own, and this is an important reminder especially when you are interacting with bullies. Based on statistics link: Workplace Bullying: How to Identify and Manage Bullying (healthline.com). Sixty-one percent of bullying comes from bosses or supervisors. Thirty-three percent comes from co-workers. 52 percent comes from non-management employees and 40 percent comes from managers. The remaining 6 percent occurs when people at lower employment levels bully their supervisors or others above them. Protected groups are bullied more frequently. Only 19 percent of people bullied were white.?

Research shows that new hires in an organization or employees coming from other teams within the organization are more likely to report experiencing workplace bullying than longer-tenured colleagues. The employees who begin working with the new colleague are threatened by the introduction of this new team member and the result is conflict, undermining, and bullying.?

Preventive work to be done when you are joining a new organization or moving to a new team in the organization. This information is valid for a manager or an individual contributor.?

• We know that you have certain goals to achieve, and you are a high achiever ready to tackle the issues one by one and resolve them. DO NOT DO THIS under any circumstances. You must exercise patience.
• Do the following for about one month: Speak with your boss and report on your status weekly. Ensure that he is aligned with your plan. First, mingle with coworkers. Talk little and listen, this is why you have one mouth and two ears. Observe the culture of the team and organization and pay attention to the unspoken rules. Go to lunches and listen to their stories about the company and its culture. Connect with long term employees that are successful and establish strong relationships with them, ask them questions, understand how they survived and thrived in the culture, and observe them. Discuss how they started their jobs, what they did in the first month and after. Ask how they succeeded and what lessons they learned. Learn how your boss really is. What are his pet peeves? Who are his favorite people and who are his not so favorite people??
• Based on the previous learnings, put a plan together on what you need to achieve for your role. Discuss the plan with your manager and agree on what support you need from him. Agree on how he will communicate to the team what you will do and how you will follow up. Observe if your manager walks his/ her talk. If the manager doesn’t walk their talk, go back and discuss the challenges and adjust your plan. Speed is not important. Progress is important, and you will gain credibility while not exposing yourself to bullying.
• If you are a manager and have employees that do not perform, keep documentation and share it with your manager with a recommendation. After you discuss and agree then proceed. Be aware that in toxic environments, your manager might say one thing and do another, like meeting with your underperformers and talking bad about you behind your back. To avoid this, when you address performance issues, involve your manager and HR in the same meeting and document and email notes with actions.
• Find people that you can truly trust and have them in your circle of trust to ask for advice on how to adapt well and survive while avoiding bullies and their attacks. Apply the advice based on your situation, as not all advice is good or will work.?
• Do not answer emotionally under any circumstances. Do not gossip about anyone with anyone. Stay professional at all times. Make sure that your goals are clear, and your performance meets expectations. Your goal is to survive where you are until you find another role if that becomes necessary.
• Document everything and keep a paper trail. This will protect you and give you enough time to find a different role.
• Go to counseling or do self-care things to help you stay sane and calm.?

Survival work: this is recommended when the damage is already done or what you did as a new employee or team member didn't result in the outcome above. Remember that organizations and HR are not equipped to handle bullying situations, and here is our advice on how to properly handle bullies, while surviving in the organization until you find a new role in another department working for a manager and team with good culture or finding a role in another organization. Bullies know what to say and to do to get other people to listen to their words and not look at actions and facts of the targeted person in relation to the bully and make their own opinion. Remember that workplace bullies often target those who possess qualities highly valued by employers: self-sufficiency, cautiousness, and innovativeness. Those targeted typically are motivated, have a kind perspective and prefer to avoid getting involved in office politics or engaging in competitive behavior. They take charge of their work and responsibilities.

• IMPORTANT: Bullies are incompetent people that feel threatened by your competence and abilities, they are people with low self-esteem and confidence and attack you because they see in you what they are not or can’t have because they do not want to do the work but want the results of your work. Keep this in mind. Be professional and do not react to them.? Interact with them just when needed and for short periods and only for work purposes. Keep them on task and on what is needed from them, if they attack, change the subject to work related needs, avoid getting defensive or upset because this is what they want, and this is what feeds them.? Do not feel intimidated or threatened by their techniques. They will get tired as they do not get what they want from you, and they will try to find another victim.
• DO NOT REPORT the situation to HR or your supervisor, if you are not under immediate threat (meaning you are not being verbally threatened that you will be beaten, psychically attacked, waiting for you after work, etc), if observed others being bullied in your team or organization, and if you see various new people having short tenure in the team or organization. (This often means that situations were reported but nothing has been done and people chose to leave the role and protect themselves).
• Bullies work in groups and have supporters. They are never alone. If you report the matter to HR and your manager, it is your word against a group, and this will never work out well. You will expose yourself to more abuse, retaliation, gossip, that will result in negative impacts on your well-being and possibly result in you losing your job.
• Document everything and keep a paper trail. This will protect you and give you enough time to find a different role.
• Do not answer emotionally in any circumstance. Do not gossip about anyone with anyone. Stay professional at all times. Make sure that your goals are clear, and your performance meets expectations. Survive there until you find another role.
• Go to counseling or engage in self-care activities to help you stay sane and calm.?

The only time when we recommend that you report to HR and Supervisor, is when there are at least two or three people that can also report the bully and it is for the same behavior. You will all need to have documentation of historical situations to provide to HR and the immediate supervisor, if the bully is not your manager. Please be aware that if HR finds out that you all know about each other, they might take this as you are bullying the bully, and you will be exposed to more aggression and retaliation, which will include HR.?

When you involve a lawyer, things are really bad and it is emotionally and financially taxing for you, so you need to prepare for a long battle. The big corporations have a team of lawyers that are prepared to trash your reputation and know how to do this in a way to protect the company.? The only time when you can win is when a group of people sue the company and can provide evidence and documentation that they used the internal process, and nothing was resolved. This is the same when you will report to the EEOC.? Be prepared to be retaliated against and abused in every possible way. The organization, its management and HR understand and know how to do things to make you look like the aggressor or destroy your credibility. You will need witnesses that will not change their deposition and are prepared to be retaliated against as a result of an EEOC report or lawsuit where they participate as willing witnesses to corroborate your complaint.?

You can do this and handle a bully professionally while keeping your job until you find a better fit for you. However, remember that bullying is happening in many organizations and the best outcome is to become a pro on how to handle bullies professionally. If you need any help, please reach out to us to discuss how to help you. We hope that this article provided you with tools to handle bullying at work while succeeding in your career.?

Remember you have the POWER! Do not give your POWER to the BULLIES!

Author: Elena Balasa linkedin.com/in/elenabalasa

Co- Author: Gean Van Horn linkedin.com/in/gean-van-horn