BULLYING IS EVIL AND ALWAYS WRONG.....

I was thinking today during my daily prayer walk about something very specific, an epidemic that has been striking at young people and adults alike at an alarming rate. It is, "Bullying." Like me you probably grew up and were taught, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” But I want to tell you that it’s not true. I broke plenty of bones playing football and hurling and I’ve been teased, mocked and at times bullied. And I can tell you firsthand, the wounds of a broken body heal far more quickly and more cleanly than the damage words or bullying can cause. Words matter. Words have weight, they can wound, they can divide, they can destroy, and they can even bring death. Bullyingis evil, because it strips another person of his or her worth and dignity. Like a lot of us, I was very frightened, extremely disturbed and so awful sad by the details surrounding a very sad recent case over the past few weeks. It goes without saying that the fact that such young children could carry out such an evil and terrifying murderous act is truly shocking, frightening, upsetting and so awfully sad. However, what really made me even more worried and fearful was what preceded the young persons murder which I believe may have marked her out as a target and ended with 2 young boys taking her life away. The young person was constantly bullied for being different. As the headlines said, "She was a happy child and wished to have friends but instead was shunned, bulliedand murdered". Why? What made it ok for others to target and bully a young kind vulnerable young girl child? Why is it that Girls and Women as I see firsthand from my work in Africa are targeted, used, abused and are hurt and in alot of cases murdered and killed. The court case was rightly specifically concerned with the evil awful actions of the two boys. But there are ripples from this case, primarily of which is the need for those who bullied, shunned, said hateful things or teased the young girl that died to ask themselves if they contributed to her isolation to her been a target. We must and have to teach our children that it is Not ok to make fun of others for any reason no matter who or what they are. It's not ok to laugh or bully any person because he or she might be different. It has a deep and lasting effect on those been targeted. Why are we not teaching our children how wrong it is to target others for being different, why are so many parents taking to social media to promote their racist and bigoted views and then expressing shock when their children target and abuse those they consider to be different. How many deaths will it take before we start to seriously tackle the bullying epidemic that infests our country. The recent young girl's bullying may have ended in her murder, but many other youngsters live in despair every waking day as a result of this barbarism, and many also take their own life to escape their tormentors. There are so many of us battling so hard for equality and to make acceptance of difference the norm but we all need to fight this battle for one another and for those most in need in our country and to make our world a safer place to live in. Every parent needs to talk to their children about acceptance, safety, equality, right and wrong and diversity and every adult needs to talk to one another about it also.

A mother recently told me about the horror of bullying that her son is going through and has gone through in his school and where his, and her cries for help have fallen on deaf ears from the powers that be in our society. Although her son has become stronger and more assured after he dealt himself with the bullying and thank god is doing well in life now. But not everyone survives this experience as we all now too well know. In the last few years a great deal of attention has been drawn to the subject of bullying, in light of some high-profile suicides which were the result of bullying. And while bullying in schools and amongst teenagers and young adults is nothing new and is even so prevalent among adults in our workplaces, it seems that bullying has gained a whole new dimension, thanks largely to technology, social networking and the Internet. Instead of trading punches on the playground after school and going home with cuts and bruises, bullies can now perpetrate their taunts and torture victims morning noon and night, with the ability to reach their vulnerable victims in the middle of the night in the “sanctuary” of their own homes. Many of these taunts, such as those posted on the Internet; do not disappear as quickly as cuts and bruises. Once uploaded, they may very well be out there forever, allowing victims no reprieve, even when their bullies are not within physical proximity. We must as a society try to stamp out the real evil of bullying in our schools, in our communities and in our country. 

Teacher’s advice

“A teacher was teaching her class about bullying and gave them the following exercise to perform. She had the children take out a piece of paper and told them to crumple it up, stomp on it and really mess it up, but not to rip it. Then she had them unfold the paper, smooth it out and look at how scarred and dirty it was. She then told them to tell it they’re sorry. Now, even though they said they were sorry and tried to fix the paper, she pointed out all the scars they left behind. And that those scars will never go away no matter how hard they tried to fix it. That is what happens when a child bullies another child, or an adult bullies another adult, they may say they’re sorry, but the scars are there forever. The looks on the faces of the children in the classroom told her the message hit home.”

Personal Experience

Personal experience and the experience of the son of the mother whom I mentioned at the start of this thought for the week who thankfully survived bullying and is making his way through life now on his own terms gives me a perspective on the wounds that bullying leaves behind especially school and workplace bullying. They are raw and painful, and while the pain sometimes decreases with time, they permanently alter one’s psychological make-up, much as a disfiguring cut or abrasion does to one’s physical skin. I grieve deeply for those young people who have taken their own lives because they either believed the things that their bullies said about them, or they simply couldn’t live with the thought that other people believed them. As the saying goes, "Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others, It is because we are different that each of us is special. Don't set your goals by what other people deem important, only you know what is best for you. Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to that as you would your life, for without them life is meaningless. Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life." As usual a story from my Nana Scully's prayer book might help.

Burnt Toast

“When I was about eight or nine, my mammy burnt some toast .One night that stood out in my mind, is when she had made dinner for us after a very long and rough day at work, She placed a plate of jam and extremely burnt toast in front of my Dad. Not slightly burnt but completely blackened toast. I was just waiting to see if anyone noticed the burnt toast and would say anything. But Daddy just ate his toast and asked me if I did my homework and how my day was. I don’t remember what I told him that night, but I do remember hearing my mom apologizing to dad for burning the toast. And I’ll never forget what he said: “Lovie, I love burnt toast.” Later that night, I went to tell my dad good night and ask him if he really liked his toast burnt. He put his arm on my shoulder and said, “Your mammy put in a very long day at work today and she was very tired. And besides, A bit of burnt toast never hurt anyone but you know what does? Harsh bullying unkind words!” Then he continued to say “You know, life is full of imperfect things and imperfect people and I’m not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like every other human. What I’ve learned over the years, is that learning to accept each others faults and choosing to celebrate each other’s differences, is one of the most important keys for creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship. Life is too short to wake up with regrets or to bully or say harsh words to anyone no matter who or what they are. Love the people who treat you right and have compassion for the ones who don’t.”

Be the best person you can be

Don't let anyone's ignorance, hate, drama or negativity stop you from being the best person you can be. People who hate you are just your confused. There are many in this world that are ignorant, and from this ignorance are full of hate, drama and negativity. Never let someone rain on your parade just because things in their lives aren't as they want them to be. Instead use the light inside of you, the positive force that is moving forward, to help brighten someone's dark world. Bullying is a very real, very common and at present an epidemic problem. It’s not a problem that is local to any one place, but is global. It’s everywhere from schools and offices to sports fields to churches and anywhere you look. Cyber-bullyingnowadays is rampant and even though our children might be able to turn off a phone, or a computer, the hate is still there when they power up again. So hear these words of grace, there is nothing, nothing in life, nothing in death, not even suicide, nothing that can separate us from the love of God. Our God is a loving and gracious God, even and especially to those who have come to such a dark and lightless place that they consider ending their own lives. God’s grace is big enough for us all. There is nothing that God cannot forgive. If you find yourself in that dark night, with no hope, overcome by despair, contemplating ending your life, please, please, wait. It gets better. It really does. I can tell you firsthand, as someone who has struggled with depression, that the darkness does not last forever. There is light on the other side. And please don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. Look around you. You are not alone. There are lots of great organisations out there that can help you and be there for you. It is time for all of us to start saving lives. It’s time for all of us to stand up for those who have had to stand alone for far too long. It is time for all of us to speak up for those who do not have a voice. It is time for all of us to reclaim the power of healing words, to speak life, to speak hope and to raise our children to do the same. It’s not enough to teach our children how to cope with the teasing and bullying they receive; we need to challenge them to stand up for, to stand beside, others, to take the risk of befriending or defending the outcasts, the awkward, the lonely, the scrawny, the smelly, the foreign and the strange. And we need to model it in our own lives too. We need to stop laughing at another’s expense, to stand together and say: Bullying is not okay, and we are not going to be silent any more. All that is needed for evil to triumph in the world is for good men and women to stay silent and refuse to act. We’ve been silent for too long. We have to do something. We have to act as though we truly believe that each and every person is of sacred worth. And that means we might have to be willing to be a little uncomfortable ourselves, but that is a small price to pay to save a life. It’s time to take our words and our action seriously. It’s time to stand up and preach the gospel, the true gospel, not the angry hate-filled gospel that makes the headlines, not the gospel of judgment and condemnation, but the gospel that says, “God so loved the world…” and God still loves today. We can make a difference. We can save a life. We can’t afford to do any less.

As a final thought, never underestimate the power of your words and actions! Always as much as possible try to use them for the good and well being of others! A prayer I always say from my Nana Scully's prayer book goes as follows, "Heavenly Father, those who bully others in manipulative or overt ways, and use their power in school, in work or family situations, to oppress and to deliver injustice to others, are responsible for needles stress and misery in others' lives. Lord please protect children, teens, adults and the elderly from bullying. Guard them from others manipulation and dominance that cause difficulties and anxiety in relationships, in physical and mental health. Ensure that children, students, adults and the elderly find protection from the oppression and bullying of any other child or teen, or any adult. Help them to flourish in Your grace, to develop their full human and spiritual potential without the crippling effects of anyone's injustice or betrayal. Protect children, teens and adults from criticism and bullying that crushes self worth as a child of God, and that creates fear and destroys the trust that should help honest sharing of issues, of mistakes, of facts, of feelings, of conscience, and can remain to affect the person's life even in their absence. Please protect children, teens and adults from intellectual and spiritual bullyingand domination by judgment of others and their motives, by persons who act and judge as if they themselves are more perfect and valuable than others; whilst ignoring the value and welfare of others, and threatening their lives. Please protect those in the workplace from overbearing and unjust employers or supervisors who treat others as inferiors. Please also protect innocents from unjust charges and resulting from others manipulation of the truth. Whatever kind of bullying occurs, it is a serious offense against others, Father we bring to You each person who is oppressed, who is treated unjustly and overlooked unfairly, and each person who is judged by others as being less valuable, less worthy, and to be degraded, abused and ignored. Father, take each of these persons into Your heart, and give them Strength, Peace, and Justice. Father please convert the offenders and give them just Humility and Respect of others. Father, I thank you that even though at times I might be troubled and oppressed, I am never crushed. Even though I sometimes may get embarrassed and be faced with tough situations, even though it seems as if I am unable to find my way out, I will never despair. Even though I may be disliked, bullied, called names, and persecuted, I know You will never leave me or forsake me. You will never desert me to stand alone. Even though I may be struck down to the ground, I will never be struck out or destroyed. I will never give in, give up, or quit. You are with me, You are for me, and You are in me—so I always win. You said that in this world life might get tough but to be of good cheer because You have overcome this world. Thank You for your words of wisdom, “I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” You said that the righteous would have many times when life would get hard but You would deliver us out of them all. Thank you Lord, for delivering me. Amen."