Bully Bosses are Imposters!
In Australia, there is an expression, ‘Tall Poppy Syndrome’ that is used to describe what we Americans from the south call, ‘Crabs in a bucket’. In Australia, poppies in a field pretty much grow to the same height, if you look out on the field you’ll see a sea of blooms. Every now and then you’ll see one that stands higher than the others. The one that stand out is usually the target of pruning shears. The bully boss who targets a high achiever like the tall poppy is the topic of this discussion.
A high achiever is one who usually stands out because of her performance and personality. It will be obvious to everyone that this person is going places. They have the ability to relate to people on both sides of a problem, can bring the two sides together and get things done. Further, they are resourceful in their use of time, and relationships. We all have the ability to be this person, and most of us are, the reason we all aren’t this way is, it’s easier not to. Most people, bosses included, are happy giving just enough or just a little over the minimum. At work, the appearance is a field of poppies. Every now and then, someone will stand out and they become the target of colleagues who feel inferior. Or worse, the target of the boss. The feelings that cause a boss to target someone beneath them is usually brought on by the Imposter Syndrome.
The Imposter Syndrome is the feeling of inadequacy to fulfill your responsibilities in spite of your accomplishments. It is a counterintuitive syndrome in that you feel more insecure as you achieve and accomplish more. The more you get, the more insecure you feel. It would seem natural that the more you accomplish, the more confident you’ll feel, the imposter syndrome makes even totally competent people feel as if they’re going to be “found out” as an incompetent and exposed to the world. For this reason, people who suffer from imposter syndrome will cover it up with behaviors illustrative of actual incompetence such as self-promotion and abuse of others. Their need to feel better than others will lead them to attack a high achiever with gossip, yelling, inappropriate punishments and “set ups”. All of this behavior demonstrates immaturity and an unfitness to lead, the very characteristics the imposter hopes to conceal.
First strategy; unplug. It would be a mistake for you to “expose” or reveal the imposter to everyone. That usually backfires, especially if the imposter is your boss. Your reaction to their conduct is their “reward”. The better the reward, the more empowering you are to the ego of the imposter, the more that imposter will return to get fed. Instead, unplug emotionally from the imposter. In short, stop expecting the person to behave like a human being so that when it doesn’t happen you are less disappointed. That disappointment that drives you to feel bad after an interaction will be nonexistent and allow you to do your work without the need of a “recovery period” after each encounter with your boss.
Second strategy; flattery. Treat the boss, at least once in a while like someone you’re happy to see. The imposter’s ego loves being fed, the imposter syndrome prevents this person from looking in the mirror and taking pride in what they see. Instead, they feel inadequate, an occasional “are you working out?” goes a long way with these people. “Great idea” or “Can I take care of that for you” will give their ego the spinach it needs without you having to feel demeaned at work. On the flip side, beware of flatterers, it may reveal a perception that you are an imposter or that people seek to manipulate you.
Third strategy; focus on the lesson. Let the boss from hell be a case study for you to use in your leadership. When I think of my experience I just repeat to myself, ‘I will never be like this to anyone’. The leader is so deluded, drunk on their own kool-aide, they don’t realize the truth. Their behavior causes resentment and divides their staff or team. On one side, you have the favorites, and on the other side you have the ‘others’. This divide makes an already difficult position more tenuous. So not only does the imposter syndrome cause you to undermine your own reputation, it subverts your team from being a team. The Buddhists have an expression, “turn poison into medicine”. Apply that concept to make this bad situation something that ultimately helps you.
I sometimes think about Meryl Streep’s role in The Devil Wears Prada. An impossible to satisfy, insecure individual who feeds their ego by abusing those beneath them. It’s a short term ego boost that ultimately undermines you as a leader. It is far better to surround yourself with the tall poppies, people who are smart and resourceful. They will get things done and make you look good, supporting your long, successful tenure. Your ego will want to be in the center of everything, soaking up all credit and shrinking others for your benefit. Understand this, your ego will never lead you to anything that will ultimately work in your favor. It looks for the quick hit. Instead, look for what I call ‘reflective glory’. Reflective glory happens when you share all credit with others, the appreciation and admiration you get in return is reflective glory. It lasts a long time and shields you from others who look to take you down. If you can overcome the imposter syndrome and ego fueled behavior and instead seek reflective glory you will build strong teams and you will SOAR!
https://www.healthleadersmedia.com/strategy/bully-bosses-fueled-insecurity?page=0%2C1
https://www.bullyfreeatwork.com/high-achievers-are-the-target-of-a-bullys-insecurities/
https://www.empowher.com/adult-living/content/dealing-bully-boss-what-do-if-your-boss-bullies-you