Bullfight on The Dance Floor

How many times have you had a work argument, and never ever talked about it openly? Or just ended up at a dead end or even worse, ignored it completely?

What strikes me from the communication side is how many important things we never ever say out loud - excluding the arguments we keep repeating in our minds in the shower or doing the dishes. "I should have said this, how come I didn't react in time" and other thoughts that come into our minds after a dispute or a disagreement with a colleague.

Why are we not debating more in the workplace, and what do Comms think about this?

• The fear of conflict. In human nature (well, most of us), it is embedded to avoid conflict. It makes us uncomfortable. What if the conversation escalates? What if I end up hurt? What if the other side ends up hurt? What if will never find a common ground?

COMMS: Even though it (still) sounds strange to a lot of people, conflict is good. Conflict gets all everything out in the open and helps the team to grow, just like in any other social interaction. Keeping it all inside is what is toxic, and creates a culture of non-transparent communication and completely shuts down dialog. If communications are doing their job properly, and see that things are being put under the rug, we come with a shovel and get everything out in the open (no hitting involved :).

• What if I got it all wrong? Every side has two coins, and human interactions are way too complex to put them in the black-and-white context. If I say my opinion, will I be ashamed of getting it all wrong?

COMMS: There is a 50% chance all sides got it wrong :) And we all have this so-called "blind" spot - something about us that everyone else can see, but we are literally blind to it. It can be the way we communicate in general, conflict communication, or habits formed on our hard-wired opinions and values that get in the way of understanding the other side. Or even just trying to :) So, engage a mediator. A third, objective party will be able to see all the blind spots and try to find solutions to the arisen conflict.

• There will be consequences. This is especially common in the workplace. Escalations should be avoided by any means, because of the logic behind it - you weren't able to find a common ground, and now everyone will know about it, which shines a reflector light on the team and its manager. Seems like an amazing Stockholm syndrome knocking on our doors here.

COMMS: If we create a tabu around team conflicts, wrap them in a nice little box, with some shiny glitter it is still there. By sugarcoating or even completely ignoring something that should be out in the open and discussed, you are missing a chance to showcase how and why conflicts can be turned into opportunities and even make team connections stronger, and your colleagues more equipped to handle all that's ahead of them. And it's not always sunshine ??