Building Your Relationships - the Secret of Giving Attention

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“ATTENTION”,

write Thomas Mandel and Gerard Van der Leun in their 1996 book Rules of the Net,

“is the hard currency of cyberspace.”

They’re dead on.

As the net becomes an increasingly strong presence in the overall economy and in the professional industry, in particular, the flow of attention will not only anticipate the flow of money but eventually replace it altogether.

A real and true professional pays a lot of attention.

Attention to people, attention to behaviors, attention to objects, and even attention to themselves.

Attention has its own routine, its own dynamics, its own consequences.

I truly believe, based on many years of personal experience and research exploring this subject for my bestselling book “The Attention Switch”, that an economy built on Attention will be different from the familiar material-based one.

But how does attention come to dominate the emerging economy?

I do believe that every person wants to get a certain amount of Attention.

Attention addresses a fundamental human desire.

Some minimum of Attention is necessary for every human being.

But do you give enough attention to others? Recognizing the existence of others in your life? Appreciate what they do for you and let them know that, now!

Do you know that living without feedback, even if you have all the materialistic things life can give you, would be real torture (for some immediately and for others after a while)?

So if you know attention is a limited resource, why won’t you pay attention to who and what you pay attention?

This week, we're going to?SWITCH ON your attention-giving skills.

"You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."

~ Dale Carnegie

One of the first books, I have ever read was from?Dale Carnegie. Years after, I started giving Carnegie’s books as a birthday gift for people that I care about.

Nowadays, I find myself every week reading or quoting from Dale Carnegie's amazing work. Carnegie literally wrote the book on building relationships in 1936.?How to Win Friends and Influence People?demystified the process of making friends out of strangers and rules for meeting new people by using the ATTENTION tools.

So, let me share with you how to give genuine attention to others in five simple ways in order to build better professional relationships (externally - with your clients, as well as internally - with your colleagues).

Note: these ways also work magically for non-extroverted professionals.

1. Smile

A smile is a golden ticket to people’s hearts.

Smiling – is an easy attention-giving tool to others.

It is a simple, basic behavior, yet many professionals just don’t think about it.

People are more likely to warm up to someone with a broad (genuine) smile on their face than they are to someone with an unhappy face or sour countenance.

Smiles can go a long way.

Ron Gutman?the author of “Smile: The Astonishing Powers of a Simple Act”, reviewed studies about smiling and found that a smile can predict how long you will live (!). British researchers have found that one smile can provide the same level of brain stimulation as up to?2,000 chocolate bars.

Smiling is also contagious, especially when you combine it with sincere attention.

In Stanley Gordon West’s Growing an Inch he famously wrote, “Smile and the world smile with you, cry and you cry alone.”

Did you ever see these people at a conference or networking event walking around with an expression of anger/a scowl on their face? They are so busy with trying to network the room, that they actually forget the basic rule of attentional networking – Smile.

2. Listen

One of the most unappreciated attention-giving skills that you can easily master is the ability to listen.

To get people excited about you and your practice you need to do more listening and less talking. Good listening is active, not passive.

How many times have you walked away from a conversation with someone and can’t remember a word they’ve said?

You were there in body but not a little more.

It is easy to ‘zone out’ and drift into our own thoughts, particularly if you are busy, bored, can’t see the relevance or have made an assumption that there is nothing to gain from the discussion.

In an interesting blog titled: Key Networking Skills – Listening?Skills, written by?Opendoorz Professional Business Network?the concept of ‘Engaged Attentional Listening’ is discussed.

Engaged Attentional Listening is when you understand a conversation and could answer someone else’s questions about what they said, whether the person was there or not.

Fully engaged listening takes this to the highest level.?You not only hear and understand what has been said but you have a sense of who the person is, their passions and experiences and what really makes them tick.

One of the most profound points Carnegie made in?How to Win Friends and Influence People?was that people love to talk about themselves.

If you can get people to discuss their experiences and opinions—and listen with sincere interest and give real attention—you can have a great conversation with someone without having to say much at all.

Really?

Yes, really. Without having to say much at all. Try it for yourself.

*Bonus tip:?A good listener actively pays attention to the conversation and responds appropriately to questions.

3. Ask a question

Asking questions that will give attention to the other person is an art.

Ask the wrong questions and you can easily offend someone. But the reverse is also true; asking the right questions can build trust by opening lines of safe communications.

Keep your questions positive and focused.

Right questions, that give attention, can build your credibility, and for the non-extroverted professional, that’s a much smarter and easier way to engage.

*Bonus tip:?The best question to ask when trying to build relationships is a question that?shifts the focus of the conversation from you to the other person. Then you know you give full attention to the other person and his needs. For example: “If I can introduce to you a new contact, who will it be?”.

Got it?

...and do not forget to pay attention to their answer.

4.?Mention people's first names

One of my favorite Carnegie’s basic principles that I quote many times is—that a person’s name is the sweetest sound to that person.

You make a lasting impression, and it really means you gave sincere attention when you can recall someone’s name you previously met.

Stop and think how you felt the last time someone surprised you by recalling your name?

Simply put, making the effort to learn how to remember names and recall them is an important skill and goes a long way towards making your interactions more memorable.

*Bonus tip:?When you meet someone, or when you write them an email, use this person's first name in the conversation or in your text. Doing so makes the other person feel more comfortable like you really know them and they know you.

5.?Become genuinely interested in other people

Here is the truth about building relationships -

The only connections that work will be the ones that you truly care about.

If you don’t have a genuine interest in and you do not give real attention to the person with whom you’re trying to connect, then stop trying!

It’s nearly impossible to genuinely offer help if you don’t pay authentic attention — I mean?real?attention, not just to what business they are involved in or what kind of services or products they sell!

Invest genuine time in learning what really matters to them and how you can help. Learn about their backgrounds and passions etc.

Be genuinely helpful. You’d be surprised how the simplest things actually never get done.

Being authentic and sincere in the attention you give to others isn’t as hard as some think!

Bonus tip:?If you want to learn how to become genuinely interested in other people, you should first stay true to yourself. Be yourself! Fake feelings never got anybody anywhere in the long run.

Remember: It is all about being INTERESTED not INTERESTING!

Have you ever experienced the power of giving attention in building relationships? Maybe when somebody gave you genuine attention? How did it make you feel??Please share your stories and comments below.

Are you interested in more insights on how to give attention to your relationships??Here's a short video.

If you have any specific questions with regards to building your authority position and your personal brand or on building authentic relationships, please send us an e-mail and I will be happy to help.

Until the next edition, SWITCH ON and keep STANDING OUT!

PS> Subscribe to SWITCH IT ON with Itzik?to receive my next newsletter unpacking the power of ‘likability’ as the forgotten factor of long-lasting business relationships.?

PSS> As promised, to learn new practical ideas and strategies to grow your practice- Don't miss our 2nd edition of the #WomeninLaw Global Rainmakers Summit - HERE - [wilgrs.com] on 29-31 March 2022

?? We will bring a handpicked lineup of 50+ world-class Women in Law rainmakers with successful legal and business experience together - including Women in Law thought leaders and experts, leaders of global legal networks and organizations, senior faculty and practitioners from the legal field for 3 days of learning and deep dialogue.

Warmly,

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Itzik is considered the global leading authority on business development, business networking & personal branding. He is a highly sought-after international speaker, trainer, business mentor, & attorney-at-law. He is also the bestselling author of “The Attention Switch” & Founder of THE SWITCH?? , the leading online training, and education platform for professionals globally. Itzik teaches trains and mentors lawyers, other professionals, and firms to attract and win their ideal clients by becoming seen as authorities in their field, creating and maintaining successful and strategic relationships, and learning to SWITCH their relations to referrals+revenue+results.

See more information: itzikamiel.com | THE SWITCH???or connect with Itzik via: [email protected]