Building Strong Relationships Through Questions

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Last week we discussed the importance of building stronger connections with your stakeholders to achieve your goals. We explored how understanding and agreements with your diverse group of supporters, from team members to clients and friends, can pave the way for success. This week, we continue on this path by exploring the art of asking great questions.

Asking Great Questions: A Path to Deeper Connections

In our last newsletter, we shared the story of a medical liaison coached to enhance her interactions with doctors. Instead of simply sharing information, she utilized the PRO System to inquire about the challenges (the problem) and goals (the promise) of the doctors. [You can refresh on the PRO System HERE]. This structured approach helped her build trust and understanding through three levels of questions.

Level 1: Facts and Data

When starting conversations, especially with new people or potential clients, starting with fact-based questions sets a solid foundation. Things like "What do you do for a living?" or "How long have you worked on this project?" engage the logical mind, leading to short and factual responses. These questions are a gentle entry point into understanding without overwhelming the other person.

It's important to note that bombarding someone with too many of these questions can feel like an interrogation. To deepen connections, it's vital to transition to the next level of questioning.

Level 2: Feelings

The heart of meaningful conversations often lies in feelings. Whether in virtual or in-person settings, creating trust requires delving into emotions. In today's fast-paced virtual meetings, the time for casual conversation is often limited. However, bringing in feeling-based questions can open doors to more personal discussions.

Questions such as "What are your thoughts on...?" or "How do you feel about...?" invite the other person to share on a deeper level. Encouraging further growth with phrases like "Can you tell me more about your feelings on...?"creates a genuine exchange of emotions.

Listening Deeply: Learning from Larry King

Listening, as Larry King famously said, is the key to a great interview. He was known for asking few questions but listening deeply to the responses. In an interview with Frank Sinatra, King's ability to make the cameras disappear led Sinatra to voluntarily discuss a personal topic without prompting. This level of attentive listening can dissolve barriers and foster genuine connections.

Level 3: Motives

Understanding the core motivators behind someone's behavior is crucial in building alliances. Some are aware of their driving forces, while others may need assistance in uncovering them. Asking questions like "What is most important to you about this?" or "What is the main reason you feel that way?" delves into the values guiding a person's decisions.

Avoiding the word "why" in these discussions is intentional. "Why" questions can often trigger defensiveness, leading to a retreat into logical answers rather than emotional truths.

Putting it Into Action with the PRO System

Combining these levels of questions with the PRO System amplifies their impact. Here’s what that can look like:

• Creating trust by letting people know your intentions.
• Addressing their problem by asking them Level 1, 2, and 3 questions about their current challenges and any concerns they have about the future.
• ?Making a promise by asking them Level 1, 2, and 3 questions and understanding the facts, feelings, and core values that help them reach their North Star Vision.
• Then, you will be able to confidently talk them through the process, proof, and prompt steps, knowing what they care about and what details you will need to focus on.

?By establishing trust, addressing problems, and making promises, you navigate conversations with clarity and purpose. This systematic approach ensures that you understand the facts, feelings, and core values driving those you seek to influence.

In conclusion, asking great questions is not just about gathering information—it's about building relationships. By listening attentively, asking thoughtfully, and really caring about the answers, you create a space for trust to shine. So, as you go on your journey towards success, remember the power of questions.

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This, and many other tools, exercises, and stories can be found in my new book Lift Your Impact, which is available here in the UK and here in the US! Bulk purchases can be made here.