Building Stability for Children: A Father's Role During Divorce

This is the next installment in our series, "The Renewed Man: Transforming Divorce Into a Man's Greatest Comeback.” At Summit Family Law, we are dedicated to helping husbands and fathers resolve legal challenges and find a renewed sense of fulfillment and purpose.

Fathers play a crucial role in their children’s lives, whether or not they are married to or in a romantic relationship with their children’s other parent. Unfortunately, fathers can face extreme challenges as a result of a divorce, from maintaining their current parental relationship to establishing a better or new one with their children.??

With primary goals of supporting his children emotionally through a divorce, maintaining a strong bond with them, and defining a new co-parenting relationship with his ex, a divorced father who may have relied on his spouse for familial support can feel lost. As a family law attorney or a member of a divorce support team, understanding the challenges a father faces during a divorce can be instrumental in helping him build and maintain stability for his children and, by that, himself.???????

A Father's Role During Divorce

A father going through a divorce will often find himself wearing many hats. Even if he didn’t have as much responsibility or input to parenting while he was married, dissolving his marriage offers many opportunities to change the status quo. Here’s how a divorced father can take the reigns.?

Prioritize His Children’s Emotional Needs

The first and perhaps most important hat a divorcing father will have to wear will be to prioritize his children’s emotional needs. That means meeting the children where they are according to their age and mental capacity.?

To do so, a father will need to communicate with his children about the divorce in an age-appropriate manner. Read: Children don’t need to know every detail or the “truth” as their parent sees it. This can be a tough pill to swallow for a divorcing father, especially if his children’s other parent has been perpetuating an unfavorable narrative about him. That said, taking the high road is often best.

He should, whenever he has the opportunity, reassure his children that they are loved — by him, his spouse, and by their extended family — and not at fault in their parent’s divorce. Children often see themselves as the center of the world, which could result in them internalizing details about their parents’ relationship that have nothing to do with them.?

Given the upheaval, maintaining stability and routine for children as much as possible should become the priority. That means not leaving the marital home until he establishes a plan for when he will see the children and where they will stay when they’re with him. His home, if it’s no longer the marital home, should be a place his children can call home, too, where they can enjoy their creature comforts, privacy, and safety.?

Model Healthy Coping Strategies

If a man finds himself involved in a high-conflict divorce, he may have to be the one to lead the way by modeling healthy coping mechanisms. Problems generally worsen for everyone involved after “taking the bait” from an ex who knows exactly what to say or do to cause controversy. As a father, it’s important to remember that children of all ages are watching. Even infants can pick up on anger between their parents.?

Deciding what’s worth fighting over and what’s not early on can help with managing anger and the grief or guilt that can come after it. Also helpful: building a support network that may include a therapist, positive-minded friends and family, clergy, and a fathers group.

Engage in Healthy Co-Parenting Practices

Healthy co-parenting starts with a positive mindset. If a man goes into it wanting to get along with his children’s other parent, doing so will be easier, even with the most combative ex-spouse. This means avoiding conflicts in front of the children, not badmouthing their spouse even if the kids aren’t in earshot, and not interfering with their ex’s parenting time. Again, it may be up to him to set an example, which is best accomplished by deciding where his priorities lie in advance.

Invoke Strategies to Become a Successful Divorced Father

For some men, taking a more hands-on approach with their children may not be intuitive and, as a result, cause them distress. Fortunately, being an involved dad is far from a perfect science. There’s no such thing as perfect parenting for any gender, so taking that pressure off a man who may be insecure about his ability to parent solo can be empowering.??

Beyond accepting the imperfect, there are ways to make the day run more smoothly with kids by employing certain tried and true strategies, such as laying down house rules (which may be different from Mom’s house) and setting a daily schedule. Friends, family, parenting coaches, and parenting classes can be great resources for divorced dads. The information is available if a man wants it, and their divorce team, including their family law attorney, can help point them in the right direction.?

Technology, too, can facilitate involved parenting by helping dads stay connected when in-person time is limited. FaceTime and Zoom can put a dad in the room with his child, allowing him to talk, read them a story, assist with homework, play games, and watch a movie. The more creative he is with his usage of technology, the more it can work in his favor.?

Finally, impressing upon a divorcing dad that prioritizing his self-care can help him show up more fully for his children is a must. It’s no secret that those going through a divorce are under intense stress and may neglect their health because of it. By eating nutrient-dense food, drinking enough water, exercising, and getting a good night’s sleep, dads can feel relaxed and in control when they’re with their kids to create lasting memories from those seemingly mundane day-to-day moments.?

Have Faith in the Legal System to Support Him

Many men, due to a long history of gender bias against them in court, fear the legal system. They’re not altogether wrong in feeling this way. The good news is, with greater awareness, great strides have been and are continuing to be made to level the playing field for men, including divorced fathers.?

Hiring a family law attorney committed to protecting men’s rights in divorce can be instrumental in how well a man fares in his divorce. By helping him to understand his legal rights and responsibilities, by advocating for fair custody arrangements in the face of gender bias, and by collaborating with other divorce professionals who are equally as passionate about protecting men in divorce, a divorcing father can become the parent he envisions himself to be.?

At Summit Family Law, we’ve cultivated an extensive network of legal and divorce support professionals across Alabama and the country. Reach out and join us in providing divorcing and divorced men with the resources and guidance they deserve.

As the founder of Summit Family Law, Charlotte Christian is dedicated to helping men navigate the unique challenges of divorce. Understanding the emotional, financial, and personal toll it can take, Charlotte and her team provide practical legal solutions paired with compassionate support. With a focus on resilience and self-discovery, Summit Family Law empowers husbands and fathers to rebuild their lives and create a future following divorce where they feel grounded, fulfilled, and capable of reaching their potential. Summit Family Law's mission is to resolve legal matters and guide men toward stability and a renewed sense of purpose.