Building self-compassion is meant to boost your accountability, not be an excuse for it...here's how to have both...

I realized 8 years ago that I did not understand what self-compassion truly meant. I was confusing it quite easily with self love and self esteem. I did not know how it applied to me personally. As a professional coach and a Mindfulness teacher it felt uncomfortable not being able to clearly connect to self-compassion readily. I began my journey to better understand self-compassion and I want to share some of what I've learned here today.

My curiosity really began to build. I found myself in the presence of these kinds of statements more and more in the workplace; "I'm sorry I didn't get that done, I want to be more self-compassionate and recognize that I took on too much work, I need more time and support to prioritize" or "I'm trying to build self-compassion; it's part of my goals for this year, I know I should have realized that this was going to be late, it's done now." I found that these statements were and are frustrating me. They feel like self-compassion being wedged into a lack of accountability sandwich. My inner self was screaming out in frustration and despair - "why does it feel like self-compassion is being used as an excuse for being accountable?" This cannot be the intention...

Then it happened, Mindful self-compassion presented itself to me like a gift. I was given the opportunity in late 2018 to join the Mindful Self-Compassion program for the first time and I learned the true meaning and intention behind it. I began to practice it in my own life and it supported me through an extremely challenging time, I was grieving the loss of my mother. I was also at the helm of an extremely important time in my career where I needed to be present and accountable, I was consulting as VP, Private Brands Design Studio, Loblaws. Balancing the art of self-compassion and accountability was crucial for me. I needed both. By understanding exactly what Mindful self-compassion is you will be able to better connect it back to accountability, so let's start there. Mindful Self-Compassion consists of 3 parts (Germer and Neff, 2020, Mindful Self-Compassion Teacher Guide):

#1 Self Kindness vs. Self-Judgment: treating ourselves with kindness.

#2 Common Humanity vs. Isolation: "seeing our imperfections as part of the larger human experience. Recognizing that everyone suffers."

#3 Mindfulness vs. Over-identification: Being aware that we are suffering and not avoiding it. Not allowing ourselves to get carried away in the storyline of what's happening (over-identification).

I can see it now, you're probably asking yourself how does this connect to accountability? Let me share 3 ways you can be self-compassionate and accountable.

#1 Commit to Deadlines: Deadlines help us get things done. In our life and work it's important to move forward. Ask the question; what and who do you need to get yourself to get to the finish line? Things come up in life, that's okay. Stop for a moment in your busy day, recognize what's coming up, notice how you feel, and apply self-compassion. Do what you need to do to stay true to your commitments.

#2 Ask for support: You do not have to take on the world by yourself. If you have started something and you need help along the way ask for it. Recognize what you need (self-compassion). In the end everybody wins.

#3 Recognize self-compassion not an excuse: Be kind to yourself whenever you need it. Kindness is a gift we can give ourselves and others. Allow yourself moments of self-compassion throughout the day, like a teaspoon of sugar. What self-compassion is not, is an excuse to get out of doing the work you need to do. Continue to be accountable.

Until next time, be kind to yourself and others.

For more information?on how to reduce stress, anxiety, break habits, improve decision making, build confidence & resiliency, with the power of mindfulness, self-compassion and storytelling, please reach out to me at: [email protected]

You can also visit my site at:?https://admitone.ca/doublejstrategic/