Building Resilience

Perhaps an overused word these days as this was something we took little notice of at one time, but it has become one of those things that many people have needed to wake up too, during the past 18 months. As we watched, with a certain level of inevitability, the most recent government announcement last night, it is clear that this wave of uncertainty will wash over us for a little longer yet.

Simply put resilience is our ability to cope with the normal stress and strain of our lives and our ability to respond to whatever challenge we experience. It is there all the time but has been accentuated in the pandemic.

Individually we have all had to face new challenges in our lives that have ranged from social restrictions, community and society shutdown, schooling our children, working from home or in the worst case losing our jobs; and that list does not contain the personal anxieties and damage to our own mental and physical well-being.

In many cases during this extraordinary time, we look to others to help us cope with the challenge we face, but of course, they are struggling with the same issues. Goodwill can often be offered, but in the survival of the fittest it is often not forthcoming despite the initial good intentions. In my experience I have seen this happen a lot which makes me realise that it is my response to the challenge ahead that will make the real difference.

For example, how many people reading this have had a crisis in their job situation and how many times have you heard the phrase ‘I can do something to help you?’ or ‘I can write you a recommendation or refer you to someone who can help’ – nice words and probably something made us feel good when we heard it, but how many times does it become reality. This is because people have some initial empathy, but it becomes lost when their own priorities kick in! 

Or does it mean that they didn’t really care in the first place and just said what they thought you wanted to hear?

I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt but next time before you offer someone some help, check that you really mean it, because if you do make a commitment to someone don’t be surprised if they feel disappointment towards you, when you don’t deliver on it! (There are people reading this who know exactly what I mean).

This is why we have to rely on our own resilience and ability to bounce back. 

Your own ability to respond to challenges is going to be the single biggest asset you possess to getting you through. Building your own resilience, without relying on others is necessary and can be worked on with a few simple adjustments.

I guess it may seem strange that in the tips I am writing about, the first one does talk about connecting with others, but it is the way and reasons why you do this that are important. It is not a state of reliance that is important, it is having them there to help you cope with the situation you face, that subsequently helps you build your resilience.

Build trusted relationships

As I highlighted previously there will be many people who may be willing to offer help during a crisis, but sometimes they will let you down – you have to accept this. However, make sure you build relationships with those people that you know you can rely on. Family, close friends and partners are those people who care and will offer a listening counsel. This is an essential building block in helping you develop resilience and you have the trust in them that if they make you a commitment, they will keep it.

Accept change as inevitable

Look, you can’t get away from it there are going to many, frequent and unavoidable changes throughout your life so be ready for them, when they come. This mindset will always help you when a sudden change in circumstance appears and by embracing it you can often navigate your way through it quicker than those who have resigned themselves to being unable to change their circumstance.

Crisis, what Crisis?!

Although a problem or challenge appears insurmountable, most times we can overcome it. You can sometimes do very little about the circumstance you find yourself in, but what you can do is look for the ways to navigate through it. By looking ahead or even looking around you, you can often see past the immediate issue and start to find opportunities to help you work out a new direction to deal with the situation. This often translates in to feeling better about it too, and by relieving your own anxiety you are better equipped to manage your way through.

Aim High, but not too high.

Set yourself some realistic goals and do something frequently that moves you closer to them. Couch to 5k is a perfect example of how this works, as it doesn’t make you a Marathon Runner the day after tomorrow but what it does is allow you to make small, frequent, and consistent changes that help you get better. Therefore, apply the same logic to your immediate situation and set yourself some small, realistic targets that move you towards your goal. You might be surprised how soon you eventually get there!

Don’t procrastinate.

Make decisions and take decisive action. Dwelling on something doesn’t help you move along your path quickly – so be prepared to make decisions to adapt your plan. We all want the present situation to just go away, in my experience, it doesn’t!

Remain positive.

There will always be further setbacks or obstacles to be navigated along the way, but with your mind-set now more engaged you have a greater capacity to cope with them. Try to keep your outlook bright as this will give you further strength to respond to them and it continues to build that resilience to cope that we started to look for at the beginning. It also will help develop your self-confidence and inner capability which in turn fulfils your ability to rise to any new challenge. 

All these ideas are just there to help you as an individual and although we will naturally look for others to assist us, we very often must make our way through life’s challenges relying on ourselves. Taking this course of action will just bring you such a personal sense of achievement that you will find that you have built coping mechanisms that make you less reliant on others, who probably can’t, or won’t help you anyway.