Building Resilience and Rejection Tolerance: Insights from a Visibility Strategist

A few months ago, right here on LinkedIn,? I connected with visibility strategist Alice Draper, around a topic of mutual interest - helping solopreneurs with a message learn how to become more resilient in the face of rejection.??

We recently sat down to record an interview for the podcast where we talked about everything from how our brains encourage us to avoid the risk of rejection to how our gender conditioning influences how risky rejection feels and how to strategically develop our rejection resilience. Alice shared invaluable insights that are particularly resonant for female entrepreneurs striving to grow a personal brand or business.?

Universal Fear of Rejection

Interestingly, rejection fears persist irrespective of success. Alice highlighted insights from her "My Rejection Story" podcast, where even highly successful individuals like author Geraldine de Ruiter still contend with the fear of rejection. This universal aspect emphasizes that building resilience is a continuous journey.

Individual Differences and Custom Approaches?

We explored how tackling challenges with rejection isn't a one-size-fits-all approach. Using the metaphor of diving into the deep end of a pool, Alice highlighted that whether one should face ambitious goals right after setbacks highly depends on individual resilience. She shared a poignant example of her best friend’s experience with burnout and how it impacted her confidence, bringing to light the nuances of timing in rejection recovery.

Understanding and Building Rejection Tolerance

Alice and I both believe that the key to enduring challenges and overcoming rejection lies in understanding our motivations—the “why” behind our actions. It can make all the difference in persevering through tough times. A memorable reflection during our conversation was about Haley Jakobson, who transitioned from acting to writing because she was willing to face rejections to achieve her author dream more than she was willing to face them for acting.

Risk Tolerance, Gender, and Cultural Conditioning

Alice and I also touched upon varying risk tolerances and their connections to past trauma and cultural conditioning, especially for female entrepreneurs. Referencing the book "The Confidence Code," we noted how women often hesitate to apply for jobs unless they meet all criteria, unlike men who might apply with only partial qualifications. This culturally ingrained hesitation affects not only professional pursuits but personal risk-taking as well, such as in dating or pursuing new friendships.

Intersectionality and Rejection

Moreover, we touched upon how marginalized individuals often face heightened fears of rejection due to societal conditioning and lack of visible role models. This intersectionality broadens the conversation to include various demographic factors influencing rejection sensitivity.

Building the Rejection Resilience Muscle

Alice presented an excellent strategy for coping with rejection: building a "rejection resilience muscle." By regularly facing small rejections, we can gradually build our tolerance, much like how muscles are built through resistance training. Alice shared her experience participating in a "100 rejection challenge" within a writers' group, celebrating each rejection as a step towards resilience and success.

Addressing the Intersection of Personal and Professional Rejection

Rejection can often feel incredibly personal, especially when it comes to our stories and personal brands. Alice talked about her experiences managing a PR company and the nuanced pain of what felt like personal rejections. Together, we underscored the necessity of acknowledging these emotional impacts and seeking support from trusted individuals rather than isolating in shame.

Strategies for Facing Rejection

Finally, we contemplated different strategies for facing rejection. Starting with smaller rejections to build resilience appears to be a common recommendation, yet we also acknowledged the potential value in diving into significant challenges without prior gradual steps, akin to heading straight for the deep end.

Aligning Actions with Integrity

Alice Draper doesn't claim to be an expert in human behavior, but she trusts her intuition. Throughout our discussion, she emphasized the importance of aligning our actions with personal integrity and our core mission. This alignment can help us handle rejection more constructively, ensuring that even setbacks can be tolerated within the context our larger goals and values.

Community Support:? Why We Develop Resilience Faster With Others?

One of the standout moments from our discussion was the power of community in fostering rejection resilience. Alice recounted how peer feedback and cheering each other on in a supportive environment played a crucial role in resilience-building processes. Group challenges emerged as an effective approach to enhance motivation and accountability, particularly beneficial for those of us with ADHD, thanks to the stimulation of friendly competition, novelty, and urgency.

Conclusion

Building resilience and overcoming rejection isn’t just about enduring; it's about aligning our actions with our deepest values and learning from every experience.

Until next week, continue to pursue your passions with integrity and resilience.

If you’d like to listen to the full interview on ADHD-ish Podcast, click here. DM me and let me know your thoughts!