Building Resilience in Our Lives!

As Sri Aurobindo is believed to have once said – ‘You have to be more persistent than the difficulties. There is no other means!’

Difficulties can erode our happiness. Our situations can turn around quickly. Life can throw a brick at you when you least expect it!

So how do we build the resilience required to face any challenge and deal with it with boldness and a calm mind? How do we stay positive, rationally look at the situation, develop a growth mindset that will keep our spirit running high and find a sense of purpose even in the darkest hour?

I propose that we ask ourselves these questions:

Question 1 – Redefinition: What is the Puzzle vs Problem to be solved here?

Let’s first accept the fact that everyone gets their share of problems to deal with in life. So instead of considering the situation as a problem, we can start looking at it as a puzzle to be solved. This mindset will generate the required creative energy and not let the situation overwhelm us.

Question 2 – Search for the silver lining: Is there something positive that I can be grateful for?

Sometimes, the situation is so difficult or filled with negativity all around that it becomes difficult to concentrate and focus. While everyone is equipped with the brain power to solve any complex problem, we must learn to reign in our reptilian brain that can at times stifle our creative spark. It is useful here to look at something positive, in the situation or outside of it, that we can be grateful for. We usually do not ask ourselves ‘Why me’ during good times so why should we ask this question when we face a tough situation?

Question 3 – Share and Brainstorm: Am I thinking this right?

We all have developed a set of ‘Frames’ with which we perceive the world. These frames of reference are models that have been built based on our past experiences and educational background. They help us navigate our lives and are quite useful when it comes to making familiar decisions, but they can prove a handicap when looking at complex problems. The best way to break out of this, is to discuss the situation with others and get different perspectives. This will help us avoid the framing bias and look at the problems more comprehensively. We must, however, be open to constructive criticism and be ready to accept viewpoints different from ours.

Question 4 – Learn and Grow: What is the learning opportunity here??

Every situation offers the opportunity to learn and grow. Our learning is maximised when faced with the most difficult challenges in life. Hence, we must embrace these challenges and learn from our experiences. The most important part of this learning journey is to focus on ‘Action’. What is the concrete plan, with timelines, that I can create in order to contribute in a positive way to make the situation better? Once the plan is in place, just act on it.

Question 5 – Be resilient: What do I need to do to maintain and continue growing??

Finally, we must ensure that we do not relapse into a state of negativity as we take steps to solve the problems that we face. It is important to accept the fact that anyone trying something new will face initial setbacks, be misunderstood or attract criticism. We must not immediately term the effort as a failure but consider it as an opportunity to find the right strategy or develop the skills to deal with it. We need to show up and continue to persist till we get it right!

Every situation is unique and there is no silver bullet that can be applied consistently across. These questions have helped me build resilience in my life and also help others who have been kind to seek my counsel.

The best way to end this article is on Nick Vujicic's powerful video (It's 8+ minutes, but if you don't have the time, then see it for the last 1 minute! - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBCfxhyEDB0 )

It matters how you are going to finish, are you going to finish strong? You will find the strength to get back up.....

Do share your thoughts and additional questions that have helped you, so that we can learn from each other.