Building Positive Relationships with Children

Imagine a classroom where a child is crying, and no one seems to be paying attention to that child. If you were in that child’s shoes, how would you feel? Recently, I saw a video on the news and social media of teachers scaring children to the point where the students fled the teachers. The feeling that overcame me while I watched the video is indescribable, but I will attempt to describe it and tell me if that makes sense. To give a better overview of the video (which I’m sure has been seen by many people). Four Mississippi early childhood educators used a scary mask to scar their students.

As I watched the video, I felt a hot sensation coming from my back and making its way toward the front of my body. I cringe in my seat as I am not a fan of scary masks. My heart grew heavy as I saw the terrified faces of the children (through the blurred filter). I almost threw my phone away as the rage and anger built up inside. I watched as the teachers took turns scaring the children and laughing hysterically as they screamed their lungs out in terror.

While that’s an extreme example, the level of terror can be met when teachers do not form positive relationships with their students. I love the quote by Carl Buechner.

“They may forget what you said, but they will not forget how you made them feel.”

One of the most important ways teachers can connect with students is by making them feel valued and respected, showing them that you care. When students feel their teachers care about them, want what’s best for them, and have confidence in their abilities, it can be powerful enough to move mountains. ?

How to build positive relationships with students

Think about a teacher from your childhood or college/university and their impact on your life. Chances are, this person made you feel like they cared about you and believed in your ability to succeed.?

Show students you care. Think about a teacher from your childhood or college/university and their impact on your life. Chances are, this person made you feel like they cared about you and believed in your ability to succeed. Every day is an opportunity to make your students feel seen and heard. One way teachers can show students they care is during the morning circle. Morning circles or morning meetings allow students to share details about their lives outside school. For example, as a teacher, we discussed what we did on our “stay-at-home days” in my Monday morning meetings. Though it seems they mimicked each other’s weekend, they were always excited to share what they did with their families.?

Another thing that I did was spend time with each of the children in the classroom. During the pandemic, our numbers were low, so I would choose two friends a day to interact with intensively. Before the pandemic, it was at least three friends a day. Giving children individualized attention makes them feel seen and heard. During that time, I allowed them to lead the play, ensuring that I wasn’t changing the course of the play, but being present, if that makes sense.?

Consider your students’ perspectives. Teachers are often so engrossed in the ins and outs of the day that sometimes, we forget to take a breath and see things from the student’s perspective. For example, in my toddler twos classroom, a little boy lacked the vocabulary to enter into play. As a result, he would snatch toys from his peers’ hands. One day we were in the playground, walking up to another student. My first instinct was to intervene, but a little voice told me to observe. He walked up to the other child, picked up a toy from the ground, handed it to the child, and then reached out for the toy the child was already playing with. It was heartwarming when I saw that; if I had interrupted, I wouldn’t have witnessed him demonstrating taking turns or the concept of “switch.” I then walked over and added the words to his actions. Both children walked away smiling.?

When working with students, we must put ourselves in our student’s shoes to understand their experiences. Only then can we address the root cause of issues and problem behavior to better address their needs.?

Some questions that can be used to guide us in taking children’s perspectives are:?

• What is the classroom experience like for this student?
• How often does the student receive positive or negative feedback??
• Does the student believe you care about them??
• How do you think the student feels about you??
• What outside conditions or experiences influence the student’s behavior and actions?

Develop mutual trust. Teachers need to meet their students in the middle. Building trust should be the primary focus as you establish a relationship with students. This trust will bleed into children’s engagement in experiences and the feeling of belonging and safety. To build this mutual trusting relationship with students, teachers can do the following:?

• Please advocate for your students and always act in their best interests.?This could mean constantly seeking developmentally appropriate materials for your students, providing families with resources, etc.?
• Provide frequent opportunities where students can make choices.?
• Share about your life. We don’t have to share everything but make connections with them. For instance, one day, my student had a pee accident during nap time and was very upset about it. I comforted him, saying, “It’s okay; everyone sometimes has accidents. When Ms. Jemmie was younger, she had accidents too.” Another way that teachers can do this is by talking to children during morning meetings about events that occurred over the weekend.

Practice positive guidance and discipline. According to Angie, “Every adult who cares for children has a responsibility to guide, correct, and socialize them toward appropriate behavior.” This requires teachers to be patient and have an understanding of their students.?

Here are a few ways teachers can practice positive guidance and discipline to help minimize unwanted behavior.?

• Set clear, consistent rules.?
• Show interest in children’s activities.?
• Provide appropriate and engaging playthings.
• Focus on the desired behavior rather than the one to be avoided. For instance, instead of saying, “no running in the classroom,” one can say, “let’s use walking feet in the classroom.”?
• Take action before a situation gets out of control. For example, don’t wait when a child screams to go to a center. Instead, position yourself strategically so that you’re right there to stop a conflict in its tracks.?
• Give clear directions, one at a time.?

Get to know students’ families. As a teacher, this was one of my favorite things to do. Getting to know your families encourages positive and effective communication and I beneficial for students, especially students who need extra support.?

Some ways that you can connect with your students’ caregivers or families are:?

• Make it your priority to connect with families before the child starts in the classroom. Use this opportunity to learn more about the child, their favorite activities, what helps when they are upset if they have any allergies or food preferences, etc. This will make for an easier transition from home to school. Imagine you as a child walking into a strange place, but you see a toy just like the one at home or similar toys or activities. That’ll put a little smile on your heart; I know it would for me.?
• Share what you’re doing in class (weekly and/or monthly newsletter).?
• Family of the week. This week-long celebration was part of my classroom and school’s tradition. Students celebrated and shared some of their favorite things with their peers during that week. The teachers also got insights into the different traditions that families did. We learned about our students’ cultures and customs. Families also shared dress-up clothes inspired by their culture. One year, one of our families donated scarves used in Indian weddings for our music center.?

Conclusion?

As educators, the most profound impression we have on our students is how we make them feel. When our students feel like we care for and about them, their performance in school improves. They become more engaged and feel more comfortable being themselves. On the other hand, if students do not have a strong positive relationship with their teacher, it impacts their engagement and behavior.?The strategies discussed in this article will help you build strong relationships with your students and improve their learning experiences.?

Fletcher, A. (n.d.).?Positive discipline and child guidance. University of Missouri Extension. Retrieved January 19, 2023, from https://extension.missouri.edu/publications/gh6119?