Building Mental Resiliency - My Journey

Back in 2019 I had a major shift in mental health mentality (more on that later). In large part thanks to Gavin Richardson , Fiona Duhig and my counsellor (along with the support of many others). This is a bit of a recap, signposting to previous articles and thoughts since then for those of you who haven't seen it before. The fact that is World Mental Health day reminded / prompted me to do it.

Hopefully this is useful - I'm not a qualified professional - do seek proper help (as per the theme in many of the linked articles). We all have mental health, but not all of us proactively manage it. (Sorry Gavin I think I stole that one from you!)?

Pre 2010s - mostly unaware of mindfulness or emotional intelligence.

I was very lucky to live what I'd now describe as a sheltered life. Life was pretty easy (apart from a serious illness when I was 9/10 years old). I thought to myself that I was very much into technology and not so much into people. I might come back to this part in the future but for now its not the focus of the journey.

2010's increasing self awareness and personal development

In 2010 I became a father which shifted my mindset as it does for most parents I suspect. I'd also been in the process of shifting from being primarily a programmer (individual contributor) at work to architecture and strategy - someone who lead teams and initiatives. Imposter syndrome was an issue at times but I just pushed through it. I was starting to read books like Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and thinking more and more about people as much as technology. I'd come to realise that the technology part of Architecture was relatively easy - it was the people and transformation part that was harder.

2017 - Bumps in my personal and professional life that came at the same time

There were issues in my personal life that I chose to ignore and I became buried in work probably partly as a coping strategy. So much so that looking back I was living a bit of a dual life - a life in London and a life at home. My role was a lot of fun but also very stressful. That stress overflowed into getting angry at home (mostly just verbal and definitely didn't hurt anyone - well physically).

2019 - To make an omelette you have to break a few eggs?

2019 was when everything fell apart - I had a complete and utter breakdown for a few days, a combination of a lack of sleep, reality and my perception and hopes of reality not aligning and being very stressed resulted in a very strange few days. Once I got help I wrote this article which I very nearly deleted:

As I was still trying to find a new equilibrium in life and encouraged by the amazing reaction to the first article I wrote this a few months later:

A year later following a particularly inspirational counselling session I wrote this - which has thoughts on personal and business resilience / controls illustrated by one of my favourite hobbies - mountain biking (I did promise at some point to do one on road cycling!)

Sharing Gavin and Hayley's Wisdom more widely

I am really pleased that I managed to get Gavin and Hayley to share some of their thinking with me and the rest of the Consultants Saying Things Podcast team. If you've not seen or listened to these editions of the podcast do make time to check them out:

The above are clips related to the recording of the full episode below: (note there is also a part 1 of this where we talked about Mental Resilency without experts which lead to Gavin and Hayley offering to course correct some of our thinking a little!

Where am I in 2022?

As for today well I continue to believe that self awareness is a super power and I am pleased to report that right now I am in a pretty good place. Whilst the world can be a challenging and depressing place at times I have coping strategies and a plan B and C should I feel I need support. Crucially I've got better at spotting the triggers and bad habit patterns (including not going getting enough sleep and certain thought patterns) that allow me to course correct and get back on track. I'm not perfect no one is - but having a tool-kit to help me cope is vital - and I'd encourage everyone to build their own tool-kits.

I am back on my mission to encourage and inspire everyone to Architect a Better Tomorrow (#ArchitectTomorrow) be that sustainable and secure software, better outcomes, better businesses / organisations and hopefully a better society and world.