BUILDING A HEALTHY MINDSET, Week 2 of 4, Edition #8
Last week we started a discussion about the habit of a healthy mindset. This week, we pick up with self-awareness and the Drama & Empowerment Triangles.
It's really important to understand that if we're unaware that we are operating at a subconscious level and making choices that are not in our own best interest, then we cannot improve.
Secondly, we absolutely need to decide that we are doing to take responsibility for our behavior and our results. This is very different from placing blame or responsibility on something or someone outside our control.
When we place blame on others, we give away our power and surrender control, and we place the cause and reason outside of ourselves. When we decide we are the dominant force in our lives, we are taking back our power and responsibility, and the cause now lies inside ourselves.
Most people play the victim and wonder why life is happening to them.
Others play the villain and blame what is happening on someone else or on themselves. The third group - the heroes - hate conflict and pain. They avoid dealing with them by overcompensating and arriving to save the day. When we take responsibility, we are refusing to get caught up in The Drama Triangle that's illustrated below.
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People get caught up in this triangle because something happens or goes wrong, and they are fearful that they will look bad, get in trouble, and have their ego damaged. And so the drama continues. Many times the players shift roles (as indicated by the arrows). The effect of blaming, feeling shame, and fear that things will not go their way happens because the locus of control is outside those who are caught in the triangle. This leads to a state of internal unrest, anxiety and a highly stressed state, all of which are unhealthy for your body, mind and overall wellbeing.
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It also leads to bad habits, like emotional eating, increased alcohol intake, drug dependency, internet and smart phone addiction, gambling, stress, and depression. Rather than succumbing to the Drama Triangle (which we now know exists and can prepare for), we're going to create a new triangle that will help empower you and others!
This new triangle - of empowerment - is the basis of the creative process that forms the building blocks of the Habits of Health.
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Here's how this new triangle can help: First, when we find ourselves drifting below the line (see this previous post), we choose not to fall back into our previous tendency to feel like a victim. Instead, we can choose to take responsibility as the creator of our new story. Equipped with structural tension (see this previous post) as our new form of generative motivation, we are going to focus on our desired outcome rather than reacting to what happens.
Second, we will challenge ourselves when something happens and be curious enough to use the challenges to learn, grow and improve rather than finding someone to blame (which is easier, and ultimately offers us no long-term reward). The obstacles in our lives will now become the way that we get better - the means by which we change our lives - rather than being any reflection on us. And when we are responding to others, we can take the crucial decision to not drift down into their drama. Instead, we will help to empower rather than enable others.
I know this is a lot to wrap you're head around, so will stop for now. Next week, we will discuss how to make this work for us on a practical bases and give us the means of installing this new way of responding to the world.
Meanwhile, #stayhealthymyfriends