Building habits - part 3

In parts 1 & 2, I talked about making the cues or prompts for your habits as visible & obvious as possible and making habits both attractive and easy to do so they actually happen.

To finish off today...

?? Make your habit rewarding so that you want to do it again (including the Habit Tracker I use with many of my coaching clients).

?? Pick the right targets for you.

1?? Make it rewarding

? What is rewarded is repeated: the first points above will help to ensure that a desired action takes place at least once, but it is the hit of dopamine (or just the anticipation of that hit) once that action is rewarded that makes it more likely to happen over and over again.

This highlights one of the great challenges of successful habit formation. Quite often, it is the bad habit which brings immediate satisfaction, whether that be alcohol, chocolate or taking a hit of social media, whereas the long-term harm may not become visible for months or years. By contrast, starting a good habit like running or working out can feel very hard at first - your lungs burn and your legs may be stiff for days afterwards. Again, it may be weeks and months before you start to see your body changing and your strength or speed improve significantly.

? Immediate satisfaction: to fill this satisfaction gap, we need to find ways of giving ourselves an immediate pat on the back even if the physical or mental rewards of doing something do not appear for many weeks. This can be a physical reward, provided it is not counteracting your desired goal - there is no point giving yourself a doughnut as a bonus for completing a run if your aim is to lose weight! But you could say to yourself that you will only go out for your morning coffee once you have completed an hour of focussed work, or knocked three things off your "To Do" list.

Being part of a group can also help. A simple high five or "well done" at the end of a run or a training session from your exercise partner can be hugely motivating in that regard. You can achieve this on apps like Strava, where you can receive virtual "kudos" from those who follow you whenever you complete a run or cycle that they think warrants it.

? By far the most effective tool that I have found is to use a Habit Tracker. Below is one I use with my clients [email me at the address below if you would like me to send you the pdf to use yourself]. You fill in the desired habits on the left column, circle the month you are tracking and then put an "X" in the relevant box when you complete that habit each day. I encourage people to keep the sheet on their desks or stuck to the fridge, somewhere you will see it multiple times each day to give you an additional cue to perform your chosen behaviours.

Not only does the Habit Tracker provide motivation by showing how many times you have achieved something already (and keeping you honest on the ones where you are falling behind), the simple act of ticking off a habit each day gives you that little dose of immediate satisfaction. This makes it far more likely that you will repeat that habit the next day.

Below you can see one my Trackers from last year and the various categories I selected to do more of (or less in the case of alcohol). I did much better on some habits than others: guitar practice, for example, I really struggled to get going on. This was despite putting my guitar right next to my desk to make it obvious and signing up to an online tuition site. The fact is that I find playing the guitar very difficult and therefore not very satisfying or rewarding yet, so I need to come up with a way of making it feel easier to make progress.

?Another way to increase your accountability is by working with a coach or trainer, whether that be for exercise, nutrition or more broadly. I have really learned the value of praise from a number of the PTs I have worked with. Adults rarely receive such praise, either at work or outside - they are generally just expected to get on with it and provide their own motivation. Consequently, it can be extremely satisfying when you do get it and you are more likely to repeat whatever generated that response. There is also an "accountability" effect as well as the carrot: if I have been working on sleep routines with a client, they are more likely to follow those habits knowing that I am going to be asking them how they are getting on next time I see them.

[As an aside, these habit trackers can be really motivating for children. It is great for them to be able to tick things off as they get through their days, whether that be lessons or helping out at home but also fun stuff like playing outside, board games etc. The key is that they receive some sort of reward, however small, at the end of each good day, whether that is a hot chocolate, credits for their favourite computer game or building up some money each day to spend at their favourite shop.]?

2?? Pick the right targets for you

All of the above will help you to sustain these habits over the long term. But you also need to make sure that you are picking the right habits to focus on in the first place and setting your ambitions at a level that works.

? Choose what you like and what really matters to you: this might sound obvious but don't just follow what others are doing or what you think might impress people. You need to think really hard upfront about what will make the biggest difference to your physical or mental wellbeing and what you want to enjoy doing more of, even if it may be challenging at first.

Indeed, it may work better to do more of something you know you already like than to force yourself to try something that you really don't warm to.

? Aim for slow, gradual improvement: if you haven't run for 10 years, then your first ambition should not be to run a half marathon - it should probably be to run (or walk/run) regularly each week, and then gradually build up to 5k, 10k as you wish, but in small increments. I heard the phrase "manageably difficult" from someone recently and it captures this idea perfectly. For those who prefers some hard numbers, go up in steps of 5-10% rather than aiming for 50% improvements and falling short (or injuring yourself!). If you are currently drinking every day, then think about one or two alcohol-free days first, or only one glass when you do drink.

? Be multi-dimensional: I think it is dangerous to focus all of your attention on just one habit and to have your vision of success defined so narrowly. There will always be times when you are unable or unwilling to do a particular thing: maybe the weather is so foul that you can't go out cycling or perhaps you get injured. Having other targets that you can still tick off that day means that you are still progressing - your habit momentum is still positive.

? Moving targets: don't be afraid to shift the goalposts to avoid getting stuck in a rut. Everyone reaches a plateau eventually and that is the time to amend your focus. Switch from running further to running faster; move from strength training to mobility work like pilates or yoga; go from meditation to how many hours of really focussed "deep work" you can do each week.

I would encourage you not to check your progress against your desired outcome too often, maybe only every 2-3 months. Things like weight loss or fitness do not change quickly however hard you try and there is a danger of being discouraged if your progress chart flatlines.

You often hear sportsmen or women talk about "focussing on the process rather than the outcome" and this applies to habits too. Concentrate on ticking off your habit each day and "getting your reps in" and, if you have chosen your targets well, the outcome will look after itself.

A challenge for you

Decide what habit(s) you want to start or get rid of; email me at [email protected] with what they are and what you can do to make it as easy, attractive, obvious and rewarding for you as possible (or the inverse if trying to break a bad habit); and I will reply with any suggestions of my own and to check in on your progress over the next few weeks.?