Building Habits and Culture: Intention, Design, System and Execution

Intention

I had a dream. A simple dream. I wanted to have more meals together with the family. All four of us. Why this is important:

• Relationships: Meal time is important. We are relax. We can talk about our days. I hope to discuss more things with the girls, especially the elder one. I hope that together, the family members can shape our family culture through these conversations. We can spent longer meal time when we are at home.
• Economics: Well, simple: Having meals at home is cheaper than eating outside.
• Bonus: It is also serves as another desk. an additional place to work, brainstorm and have a serious discussion when the time calls for it.

Past situation:

We have a dining table for more than 10 years. Before Jan 2021, during those 10 years, I could count number of meal together with one hand. The table was cluttered with a lot of things, always. Medicine, snack, box of cutleries, water jugs, glasses. We all resorted to eat at the coffee table instead, we at different time. Not all of us can sit comfortably on this dining table.

Figure 1: the previous layout. A little bit neater, as this was taken when we have packed most of our stuffs.

Catalyst for change:

We are doing a renovation, moving around our furniture, including changing the position of the dining table. The renovation was a good opportunity. It disrupted the old. An opportunity for a clean slate. I do want to emphasize that while catalyst, reason to change is good, do not wait. That was my 10 year mistake.

Design and System:

I learned that my will power is weak. I need to build system to support my intention. I need to create the environment to support the goal and have a higher success probability.

1. what was the previous obstacles:

• too much clutters. All those clutter need to have places somewhere else.

2. What are the possible challenges (Do this pre-mortem for any plan):

• Different time schedule. The best time is morning (breakfast), before everybody leaves for school, work or other activities. However, breakfast must be fast. The second best time is evening (dinner). Sometimes, the elder one come home late. Well better something than nothing. On the ideal days, we will have dinner together, all four of us.
• Distraction to attention: Handphone is the biggest challenge. No handphone/tablet/electronic device on dining table during meal time. No TV. It is now impossible to see the TV when we are at the dining table.

The environment (designed) and rules becomes your system. Before I can enforce rules, or "influence" my family to follow them, I need to communicate them. Why we have these rule, what we want to achieve by doing these. Currently, there is no penalties, but seems everybody buys it.

Figure 2: same dining table, same chairs, new layout. We white board too now.

Execution:

If this important, treat like it is. I protect my time and make effort to sit down on dining table, not having my meal somewhere else i.e. in front of computer. There will be times which call for exception, but do not fall, making it a habit. I set example for the others. We all know that children see, children do.

Change is hard. Consistency is harder. Remind each other. Acknowledge the good behavior exhibited (Cleaning the table, putting back the plate to the sink, putting back the glasses/mugs to where they belong, etc.)

3 weeks into 2021. I am happy with the progress.

I invite you to look into area you want to make change in your life. If you have tried the change before, what made it unsuccessful. If the is a new change, also think about what could stop you. Build the environment to support that. Speak to other(s) to journey together with you. You will have many inconsistency lapses in the beginning. Keep going. Check what works what does not work. Wishing you a fantastic 2021!

I am blessed!

Thank you for reading this reflection on thoughts on building habit and culture in family (well I think, we can also apply this for work setting). Let me know if you like it and would like to be notified when I write another article.